Carol's View

A MILITARY FLAG

2009-10-06T07:39:00.000-05:00

There's a military flag that hangs in one of my front windows indicating that I have a son who serves. I use this flag as a point of reference as I sit in my "meditation chair". The cat that usually occupies that chair is very mindful that it is reserved for me in the early morning shortly after I've fed him and I appreciate that!

Each time I sit in that chair to review my upcoming day or the events of the past or (even more appropriately) to just stare in contemplation, I'm reminded of my son who has served his country proudly for the past 17 yrs. I've been very fortunate to have him stateside for the better part of those years. During that period of time he and his wife have gifted us with two beautiful granddaughters and we've had the opportunity to visit him in four different parts of this country.

Soon he and his little family will be traveling to the other side of the world and seeing them other than through the marvels of Skype will be more difficult than ever. Of course we'll keep in touch and, hopefully, my husband and I will be able to make at least one or two trips to see them in their new environment while they're gone, but the separation will be very hard on us.

Having said this, however, I am reminded of the many other military families around the world who face this situation on a routine basis. And how many families must turn their military flag's star from blue to gold.....a fate that hopefully, we will not have to endure.

I was born during WWII during which my father and some uncles served. Thankfully, they all came back in relative good health. But back then, communication being what it was, my mother rarely knew where my father or her brother was in the world and her best line of communication was reading the daily newspaper and then, unfortunately, primarily for the lists of the ones who didn't make it. Every day a loved one's name was not on that list was a day to be thankful.

A good friend of mine has a son who will be heading to Afghanistan about the same time my son will be leaving for Okinawa. I know she's concerned yet, like me, is very proud of her country and proud to have a son who is willing to serve.

There's a lot of things wrong with these United States. But there's still a lot of things right and I've always been grateful to live in a country where I'm free to live my life pretty much the way I choose. Having a son who is willing to serve this country to protect this right couldn't make me more grateful.

While in the military, I've watched my son grow up and develop into the fine young man he is today; a young man who has taught me many things including how to set up a blog! A young man who has surprised me by the depth of his love for his family both immediate and extended. A young man who has developed his intelligence in things philosophical, mystical and practical. A young man who displays wise understanding beyond his years.

So while this young man serves his country to protect those of us who must stay behind, I'll proudly display this military flag and look forward to the day he can come home.

Peace and love,

Carol

IS IT WRONG TO PRAY FOR A CHICKEN?

2009-09-29T07:53:00.000-05:00

I really like my chickens! They're all banties and, specifically, Cochin Banties which means they have feathers all the way down their legs.

Our first batch of chickens (6, I believe) have long since been taken from us either by wild critters or our own dog who thinks of them as playthings. No matter that he's 70# and they weigh no more than three--given the opportunity he'll bat them around and wonder why they don't keep getting up. Someone said they'd get rid of the dog. But my response is that I had the dog before I had the chickens so he comes first. Besides, he's a Lab and part of this is in his DNA. His nature is to track down and retrieve--most often birds.

About a year and a half ago, when my Grandson suggested he'd like to see baby chicks again, we took the plunge and ordered 25 day old chicks from a supplier. They came in the mail! My husband picked them up at the post office.

We successfully raised them for a number of weeks until they were nearly grown when our Lab broke into their housing arrangement killing about half of them. I've never seen my husband more distraught and he gave Jake a wide berth for quite some time. But more than half did survive including Lady Grey, my favorite. Lady Grey isn't pictured here but like Dottie above, she's the same size and build but with soft grey feathers similar to what you might find on a morning dove.

We've since had a very sturdy facility built to house our "babies" and have been successful at keeping them for over a year and a half with a relatively small attrition rate. The fact is, chickens die all on their own from time to time for no apparent reason. And we've tried to even the odds of getting colors I prefer by finding good homes for extra roosters. My husband carved out a little chicken door complete with ladder for them to walk up and down in the evening to go to bed and in the morning to come out and walk in the 1/4 acre garden. They do a good job of keeping the bug population down in the garden.

We currently have 9 full grown hens who give us 2-4 eggs per day and 3 roosters one of which will be given to a good home in a few days because A. we don't need THREE roosters for that many hens and, B. he's black and I just happen to prefer the lighter colors in our flock unless their feathers (like Dottie's above) are particularly interesting. Our little black rooster and his little black sister are babies raised by our own little hens. They're about 3 mos. old and he's beginning to crow so it's time to ship him off to his own little harem and let our white rooster, Mephitophlez, do the job he shares with Covert, the World's Ugliest Rooster!

In addition, we also have most recently, five babies that have hatched over the last few weeks (4 yellow and one black--yeah--he/she will probably also find a new home when it's grown up).

Every night when they've gone to bed, I check to make sure they're all safely enscounsed and close up all the doors to their shed. I do a head count but the other night Lady Grey came up missing. She may have been missing the night before, but my husband had closed them up while I was out and he doesn't do head counts--chickens are fine with him but not so much his "thing".

I worried about her and did a brief garden check to see if there was sign of a struggle but to no avail and no matter how hard I searched for her in the shed, she simply wasn't in some hard to see corner and didn't come out in the morning for feed.

Most of the morning I felt bad for losing her trying to figure out what went wrong in all our safety procedures. For the most part, our chickens have heavy cover from hawks. So what could have happened to her was a mystery. I must admit, I did pray for her. Is that wrong when God has so many other things to worry about?

Shortly after noon, I heard some squawking on the north side of the garden and, though this is not uncommon, I decided to investigate. And, sure enough, there was Lady Gray--on the other side of the garden fence in our neighbor's yard! Pacing back and forth, it was clear she knew she was on the other side of the fence and she knew where she should be--back in our garden!

My husband and I were able to scoop her up and let her fly to safety in our garden where she quickly grabbed a snack and headed for the chicken house to lay an egg!

Did my prayer work? And how had she survived one, possibly two, nights away from safety? I have no idea. But she's home safe and sound now and that's all that matters and my faith in God, though it never wavered, certainly was once again justified!

Peace and love,

Carol

I'M IN IT FOR THE HUGS

2009-09-25T08:21:00.000-05:00

I've been wanting to write about this for some time now so here goes!

I grew up in a pretty straight-laced German based family in the NW suburbs of Chicago. Touching one another was not that common and then in only appropriate places. Pecks on the cheek were more common. For example, I was allowed to kiss my mother on her cheek when she tucked me into bed at night. Otherwise, the closest she came to touching me would be when she'd allow me into her lap for comfort. The best was when she would be talking or singing (she had a beautiful voice) and I could hear her voice as I rested my head on her chest. The memories of those soft reverberations are still with me.

In the frequent large family gatherings, touching was simply not done. And, if it was, it had to be in only "appropriate" places. The occasional pat on the back was acceptable. Hugging was rarely performed.

My father was from the deep south (Georgia) where touching, especially in the form of hugs, was another story. On the rare occasions when we visited his family, I knew to brace myself for the hugs that would accompany greetings or leavings. Those were the only hugs I was familiar with and I dutifully endured them. But as I said, those occasions were years apart.

I was, of course, aware that there were other kinds of touching suitable between married couples. But that kind of touching outside the bounds of marriage was frowned upon and girls who allowed that were thought of as loose. I grew up thinking that it was okay for my parents to touch me in certain ways so as to examine my body for injury or infection. The same kind of touch was okay from a doctor. Otherwise, touches of that nature and more were reserved for my someday husband.

At 21, I married a man who was also from the deep south, Mississippi to be exact. I never had any problem with him touching me in any way he wanted--after our vows were spoken--or at least pretty close to that time! But I'd have to steel myself for visits to his part of the world where hugs were more common-placed and I'd be expected to endure them on a more frequent basis. Still, touching of certain parts of the body were strictly reserved for my husband.

I remember a visit early in our marriage traveling in the summer in an un-air-conditioned car (which was pretty common back in the early '60s. My fair skin, hidden away in the Northern cloudier climes was not accustomed to the sun and I burned easily through the car windows and when getting out of the car to stretch my legs. The parts of my body that burned included my arms and upper chest.

When we arrived at my husband's home, his step-mother immediately saw my pain and being a nurse and mother came out of the house armed with a pain relieving salve. Instead of handing me the lotion to put on myself, she grabbed me to put it on my upper chest--a place reserved for touching by only my husband! Mortified, I suddenly inexplicably found myself in the school yard across the street crying and trembling when my husband caught up with me! That's how unaccustomed I was to being touched.

Today's society is far more relaxed (thank goodness!). Everyone everywhere seems to greet one another with hugs (which is actually less germ laden than a handshake!). Of course, we're still careful about inappropriate touching but hugs seem to be the norm rather than the exception and I've grown to love them. I gladly accept them and offer them freely to those I care about. There is just something so wonderful about that human contact that soothes the soul. I can't get enough of them and I'm so glad I've changed to accept them freely.

Hugs today are shared not only between men and women on a non-romantic but nonetheless caring basis, but also between two women and two men with no thought of any untoward connotations. I love it! I really think this is what life is all about. Literally reaching out and touching another human allows that human to feel accepted and loved on so many different and appropriate levels.

So if we ever meet, dear reader, remember--I'm in it for the hugs! and feel free to share one of yours with me!

Peace and love,

Carol

ON PAINTING

2009-09-21T08:06:00.000-05:00

On a recent visit to my son's place in Vancouver, WA, I told him I'd be willing to help paint his house but to be forewarned, I was a very messy painter! I knew this was true--I've done my share of painting!--but the view was further reinforced just the other day.

You see, I'm on a remodeling kick of my own. Don't know if it was inspired by my son who must get his house ready for the market or if it was just because "it's time"! We've been in this house for five years and the wallpaper (which I'm sure wasn't new when we bought the place) is beginning to fade. Besides, there's sheet flooring in the bathrooms and since they're small anyway, we figure it's a good time to upgrade to ceramic tile.

But you know how it is. You can't do just one thing to a room because it makes the rest of the room look shabby. And if you're going to do the floors and have any ideas of doing anything else, you'd best do the "anything else" first as the floors are the last thing you want to do. Thus, I've literally been on a tear the last couple of weeks.

Tearing off the wallpaper, tearing out the shower doors (which I happen to hate!), tearing down the register in the ceiling because it's yellowed with age, etc., etc., etc. Now, finally, it's time to paint. The only problem is, I haven't completely decided on what color!

Well--not totally. I basically want a white bathroom with gold accents but a little dab of color here and there wouldn't hurt. Since I'd done some faux painting in my kitchen when we remodeled it a few years ago, I thought I'd attempt that in the bathroom. The base color is easy, the rest is still, at this writing, pretty unresolved. Oh well, I digress. I could at least put on the primer and paint the ceiling--all white--and even the base coat--also white. So now the adventure begins!

None of the bathrooms in this house are very large which explains why we can afford to put ceramic tile in them both at the same time. But, bathrooms are still bathrooms with barely an unconflicted wall or space. In other words, there's something to work around on every wall! But, honestly, to paint this small room really shouldn't take that long--maybe an hour at best?!

I've been smart enough to don my "paint clothes" as I've approached the job. Still, for me, getting more paint on the wall than on me is a challenge! Climbing on stools and ladders and maneuvering them in the small bathroom space is also a challenge. I didn't think much about wearing gloves while I put on primer but I've learned that even my hands aren't safe! The thing about primer is that it's made to stick to the wall--so, of course, it stuck to my hands.

Before this job, for one of the few times in my life I had fingernails that looked good enough to warrant pretty polish--even a trip to a nail salon. I said good-bye to them two weeks ago!

And speaking of getting into the nooks and crannies (was I?), and stepping up on step stools placed in the bathtub -- well, the problem with step stools placed in the bathtub is that you have to get up and down them to refill the paint roller. Being naturally lazy and thinking always to save time and effort, I figured the job would go faster if I simply balanced the paint tray in my left arm while applying the paint with my right. It was working pretty well, too--at least for a minute. Then, while concentrating on getting the paint as far into that upper crack as possible, I began to feel something wet dripping down my side.

To my horror, in the natural movement of my stretch, I'd tipped the tray towards me and it was running down my side into the bathtub covering the lower have of my shirt, the entire front side of my shorts (soaking through to my stomach and upper thigh), and doing a pretty good job of covering the step stool! (Note to self: buy new step stool for kitchen--this one's trashed! the paint job didn't take!).

The thing is, even though this is all "washable" paint, no matter how hard I try to scrub I simply can't reach every area that's been painted--on me! So when I go some place these days, people invariably point out some patch I've missed and say "Oh--I see what color you're using!" Now, the paint is white, and I'm white, but there's still a big contrast to my skin!

And did I mention my hair?! At my advanced age I discovered a few years ago that it was alright to give up coloring my hair because the color I was buying (a pale blond) was just about the color it was coming out--a pale gray! I can now add that it's been "frosted" with white paint--and that doesn't come off in the first washing either!

So, to my son who occasionaly reads this, you were very wise in rejecting my offer to help you paint your house and I was being very truthful. I am a messy painter!

Having said that I wonder how much of the green paint I can keep out of my hair when I begin the faux painting! And can I claim it as a new trend in highlighting?! Somehow I doubt it! Oh well, at least it will make me ready for Christmas!

In Love and Peace!

Carol

HOW TO KEEP A CLEAN HOUSE (CONT'D)

2009-09-16T08:24:00.000-05:00

So, what to do, what to do? About keeping a clean house?

You'd think that now that I'm retired, I'd have the answer, wouldn't you? But the very notion that I'm retired tends to conjure up all the options of what's available to me--and cleaning house is not high on the list! After all, I'm retired--I should be able to do whatever I want with my time, right? And I can assure you that cleaning house has never been high on my list of enjoyable activities.

I really have tried and from time to time I actually achieve a semblance of my goal. I've set up a cleaning schedule and try to stick to it. But things get in the way. For example, at the moment, I'm trying to remodel/redecorate my bathroom. I've got all the old wallpaper off, patched holes, even tore out a major cabinet (with the help of my husband, of course). I've sanded, scraped, brushed and scrubbed to the point where it's nearly ready to be put back together. This sort of thing doesn't happen in a 2 hour period of time!

I also belong to an exclusive organization whose meetings I need to attend at least three to four times a week to maintain my mental and emotional health. The meetings are only an hour--that's not the problem! Getting to the meetings takes a half hour and while I'm out of the house is the perfect opportunity to shop--collect more stuff!--so that one hour meeting easily stretches into a three hour block of time! When I finally get back home, there are any one of a myriad of tasks I'd rather perform than general housekeeping--besides--I have to put away that new stuff!

I guess what I'm saying is that unless you're a natural born clean and neat freak who periodically moves so that you can routinely review your stuff, keeping a neat and clean house is just not going to happen--except in those sporadic moments when the urge to clean and declutter becomes so strong that you act upon it. Things do stay nice for a while--even for some time--like three or four days; maybe you can even stretch it out for a week or two!

But slowly, the clutter creeps back into your life once again. At least that's been my experience.

I'm working on it, though. Redecorating/remodeling the bathroom is a start. And I'm bugging my husband to work on his part--nag, nag, nag! But unless I want to get rid of him (which I don't--well, maybe occasionally, but generally not!) and all but just a very few of my animals, I guess I'm stuck!

Anyone who needs expertise can go to www.flylady.com--she's got some good tips. I've tried it but it takes a lot of self-discipline and obviously I'm short on that. Concepts are simple but so hard to carry out. Having company come for a visit also helps motivate me to put things in order. And I really do try to vacuum at least once in a while--sometimes that's even once a week! But that's a chore and I am "retired" and I'd rather blog!--and feed my chickens which I need to do!

Thanks for reading!

Peace and love,

Carol

HOW TO KEEP A HOUSE CLEAN (CONT'D)

2009-09-15T07:58:00.000-05:00

As I was saying.....about housekeeping.

I think unless you're born a natural neat freak, it's very hard for the average person to really keep house in the manner in which they'd like to become accustomed. It takes time, effort, even a passion. Once I'd learned from The Feminine Mystique (Betty Friedan) that housekeeping required the intelligence of the average nine year old child, I was kinda turned off. Besides, there were just too many other things I could use my better brain to work on!

I did occasionally hire someone to come in and clean for us. The problem with that is that you need to clean the house before they come so they can clean it! You know what I mean. How can you expect a stranger to come in and dust when all the surfaces to be dusted are full of stuff? So, for me at least, that's the main issue--all the "stuff"! Cleaning itself is not all that difficult and can be rewarding--but what about all that clutter--all that stuff?!

There are entire organizations devoted to helping people organize their stuff so I'm guessing this is a big problem! Articles abound on the internet, in magazines, even on TV--check out H&GTV or any of the other self-help sites. We live in an age of information and if you want to know something it's out there.

For me, the second time in my life when I had a truly clean house was when we were trying to move out of it! I think this is the subtle secret of some people. Those people whose jobs demand that they move periodically, regardless of whether it's on their dime or the someone else's, just never have the opportunity to settle and let their stuff collect!

We were in our last house over 28 yrs.! Can you imagine all the "stuff" we'd accumulated?! Even after hiring full-sized dumpsters and refilling them on more than one occasion we still had more stuff than would fit into our next house even though it was virtually the same size! The only real difference I could see is that the new house didn't really have a useable attic--another haven for stuff one doesn't know what to do with but can't part with.

But just clearing out stuff wasn't the total answer. I had to clear out people! By the time of this last move, the kids had moved out so it was just my husband and me living in a 2400 sq. ft. house trying to move to another 2400 sq. ft. house but with all the accumulations of 40 yrs. of marriage and two kids! Now if that isn't a challenge I don't know what is!

More than half the stuff we owned was already moved into our new house and we still weren't ready to put our old house on the market! Something had to be done and we did it. The only solution I could see was for my husband to move into the new house while I stayed behind to clean up and manage the old one.

And I finally did it! There I was living by myself, in this big house and I was finally able to achieve not only a clean house, but an organized one as well. All but two of the cats moved down with my husband and all I had to do was go to work during the day and take care of the house.

My routine was such that I would get ready for work in the morning, pick up and put everything away (some times that was the night before I went to bed), do a quick scooping of the litterpans, maybe run a quick vacuum or dust mop over the floors and leave the house with nothing in the house but the cats and the bare minimum of furniture. The house was spotless! And available for showing at any time of the day or night. I didn't care if people looked into the closets--they were neat and organized! (After all, all the stuff was in the new house!) I even overheard and got compliments from prospective buyers about how neat and clean the house was! I'd finally achieved the ultimate goal: a clean and neat house!

Of course, the part that was me wasn't really living there but that was besides the point! It could be done; it can be done! As long as I was living by myself, had a minimum of pets and nothing else to do but to make sure the house stayed clean and neat--I could do this!

Well it's that time again to go feed and check on my little chicks. Tomorrow I'll try to wrap this up with more conclusions!

Peace and love!

Carol

HOW TO KEEP A HOUSE CLEAN (CONT'D)

2009-09-15T07:23:00.001-05:00

ON KEEPING A HOUSE CLEAN (OR CLEANING HOUSE!)

2009-09-14T08:11:00.000-05:00

LOVE this picture! Kinda how I feel some times.

Sorry I haven't posted in a bit but have been off my feed with a chest cold of sorts that threw me off my routine. Feeling better now, thank you!

Now back to cleaning house! I've known people to work off a good mad by cleaning--actually have done it a time or two myself. But I'm more likely to dive into the chocolate (or something else!) or the computer. Putting things in order is more task than I want to devote brain cells to at the time. Actual cleaning, however, is another thing. It's a good release of energy. But most of housekeeping, for me, is being organized. And therein lies the rub!

When I was a young mother, organizing things wasn't so hard. We didn't have that much to organize. I remember going to the local Ace Hardware store (a form of entertainment to us back then) and coming home with bags and bags of "stuff" only to have it completely disappear within the confines of our house--a sure sign that what we bought was more along the line of everyday necessities rather than superfluous to our needs. But then there came the day...........

I distinctly remember getting a phone call from my husband while I was working a week end job at a real estate office. "I've found the perfect place to shop!", he excitedly told me. "And it doesn't cost anything!" Turns out, he'd found the village dump! Here he could shop to his heart's content often discovering perfectly good items discarded by others higher up on the food chain than we were. Of course, some items weren't "perfectly good"--but good enough so that with a little effort on his part they could be brought up to speed for our purposes.

And so began his "collections". I never said a whole lot because most of it went into his garage--a territory I rarely set foot in. That, and I figured, he had a right to do with his time what he chooses; a right to make his own decisions without my interfering.

Meanwhile, I got into crafts. And we all know we need "stuff" to produce crafts. It didn't hurt that my mother was also a crafter whose favorite place to shop was the local hobby store. From there she'd buy large bags of merchandise they'd packaged together and sell at a good price to help move in newer merchandise. She might not know exactly what came in those bags but she was sure at least some of it would be useful "down the road".

And heaven forefend that one should need something while in the middle of a craft project always in the middle of the night after the stores had closed! That more than justified buying and storing a little bit of everything in the store to have on hand just in case that would be the one thing necessary to complete the craft! And so began my "collections".

Both my husband and I, while not raised during the Great Depression, were children of parents who were. One didn't throw out anything that could possibly have some kind of life or useful purpose left in it, "just in case" one fell on hard times and couldn't afford anything better.

Add into this mix children, pets (I've never known a cat to clean out its own litter pan and the invention of the automatic litter pans is a euphemism at best!), time demands consistently required to perform activities outside the house and it's a wonder anyone can maintain a clean surface for any real length of time!

I'll continue to explore this more tomorrow (the chickens need to be let out and I'm anxious to check on the new baby recently hatched). Now that I'm feeling better and getting a bit more sleep at night, I should be able to devote more unclouded brain cells to this subject!

Peace and love,

Carol

HOW DO YOU KEEP A HOUSE CLEAN?

2009-09-09T07:44:00.000-05:00

This topic was suggested (inadvertently) by my oldest son the other day. It was the question he asked before he went back home. I've thought about it a lot since Monday when I saw him last.

There have been two times in my life when I've been able to keep a clean and organized house. Both times it took a lot of effort on my part and once, I realize now, was because I was living by myself.

I've always admired people who live in clean and organized (as in decluttered) homes. And I want to slap them when I come into their place and they say, "please excuse the mess" when, looking around, I'd give my eye teeth to have the kind of "mess" they're talking about! What mess, I think? I wish I had this kind of mess at my house!

I've yet to fully understand how other people do it--keep their houses like the ones you see in Better Homes and Gardens. I have done it in the past but the circumstances, I've found, have to be just right.

The first time I was able to keep a tidy home I had one young child and was a stay-at-home Mom. I decided to set up a rigid schedule. Although I can't remember exactly what that schedule was (after all it was 40 yrs. ago!) I think it went something like: Mondays--overall clean-up from the week end; Tuesday concentrate on dusting; Wednesday-light housekeeping, putting things away; Thursday - clean the bathrooms --we had 1-1/2; Friday - mop the floors and vacuum again in preparation for the week end. At the time, we had a roughly 1100 sq. ft. house.

I adhered to that schedule so rigidly that if a friend wanted to do something--go for a walk or out shopping during any one of those times I was supposed to be cleaning I'd turn her down because I knew if I deviated from that schedule even just slightly I might never go back to it. Like an addict desperately trying to stay clean, I knew the state of the house depended on my adhering strictly to that schedule.

Even after our second son was born and we moved into a much larger (as in twice as large) house, I was pretty much able to maintain that schedule. After all, I reasoned, my husband worked to support us every day and keeping the house in order was my job.

Then I went back to work and I tried to turn into "superMom"! I went back to work not because we needed the money to pay the bills but because I wanted to. This was my choice; my luxury; my freedom from the mundane. The responsibilities to the house and my family never changed. I just had to squeeze in all my household duties into smaller time slots to allow for the hours I got to work outside the home. Working outside the home was a privilege I was allowed and could only be done if my household duties were not effected by it.

I remember getting up even earlier in the morning to bake fresh cookies for everyone's lunches and still get everyone and myself off to work in time! It was a frenetic pace but I was able to maintain it for quite some time partially because I was working as a temp and would have extra days off between assignments.

It never occurred to me to ask for much help. I just had two jobs now instead of one--both of them "part-time" jobs. And my two sons and husband fully accepted this as their due. It never occurred to my husband to offer to help. Dinner was still ready for him when he came home. Breakfast was served and lunches made before he left. His laundry automatically appeared clean and folded in his dresser drawers and hung up in his closet. His part was to go to work and produce a paycheck, keep the lawn mowed (or snow cleared although I helped with that as well), and be the general handyman around the house. Things stayed like that for a number of years.

And then came the day when I was tired and feeling overwhelmed and things began to slide. Even as the boys got older, little was said about their responsibilities in maintaining a clean and presentable house. It was always my job--after all, I was the Mom. Even when my job became full time and I literally put more time into working outside the home than my husband did (he was a teacher), the responsibilities were rarely shared.

More on this tomorrow--or the next time I contribute! My chickens need feeding and I need to get on with the rest of my day!

Peace and Love,

Carol

LABOR DAY AND OTHER PONDERINGS

2009-09-07T07:34:00.000-05:00

Today is Labor Day and for a good many U.S. citizens it means a day off. But when you're retired and have animals, days "off" is kind of a misnomer! The chickens, dogs, cats, goats and ponies--and, oh yes!--the donkey, don't know about days off for humans--for that matter neither do our human stomachs. All these stomachs still need to be fed! And every living thing just mentioned depends on human action to make it happen!

Even if I don't cook today (but I will!) some effort will have to be made on someone's part to put nourishment into my body! So what's a day off mean, anyway?

To me, it means an opportunity to do something out of my ordinary schedule. Maybe I'll "play" today instead of "work". But how do we differentiate play from work? One person's work might be another person's play!

I'm retired so I have more choices than I did when I worked. When I worked in an office I was expected to show up at a specific time and my life was ruled by schedules. Days off meant I didn't have to report to the office but it still meant I was probably going to do something with my time--maybe the biggest difference is whether or not I'm productive.

There's no question that being retired means a person no longer has to be productive. Some times that's a good thing! There's something to be said for relaxing and clearing one's mind. And that, in itself, can lead to being ultimately more productive. I've found this to be true, especially lately.

Lately, my husband and I have had the opportunity to shake up our schedules. We've done some traveling and relaxing and I believe it has had a positive influence on how I face my life. I find I have renewed energy and optimism to continue on. I'm able to set some positive goals and maybe even lay down a foundation and a path by which to achieve them. So perhaps as much as anything, vacations and changes of venue allow us to give pause to reflect.

My husband and I just celebrated 45 yrs. of marriage--an endurance accomplishment if nothing else! A lot has happened in our lives and in our world in the past 45 yrs. and the world doesn't stop spinning just because we've reached this point.

I look forward to celebrating 50 yrs. in the future and that gives me a goal to work towards during the next five years! Speaking of which, I'd better get going. Goals aren't accomplished overnight and even though it's Labor Day--I've still got to feed those chickens!

Love and peace!

Carol

CHANGING A VENUE AND CHANGING A MIND

2009-09-05T07:06:00.002-05:00

The kids are back in school. In my area, that means an additional 50,000 students are back in town to attend the university here. That means a big change in traffic.

And today is an especially big day because it's the first game of the season. So that means hotels will raise their prices and the restaurants will be crowded. Except for that very special time during the game when the town goes peaceful and us "locals" can get out and about--unless we're interested in the game.

Personally, I hate crowds and since the stadium will hold 80,000 people--I'll avoid that area at all costs. It will be a hectic morning for me as we're taking care of a neighbors animals and they will need to be fed before I can fix our own breakfast which today we'll share with our son and grandson. Lemon chocolate chip muffins are on the menu--I like to fix special things when Benjamin comes over. Found out a while back that waffles and pancakes don't impress him nearly as much as homemade muffins and coffee cakes. Who knew?!

And then I want to go to a meeting. And then I want to go to the Tractor Supply store--not a favorite with college kids on game day so it should be fairly "safe"! One of our goats has gotten a little thin and I've been told a nutritional supplement they carry might help her out. Since I've been giving it to her I do think she's picked up a bit of weight.

And then back home. Not sure what I'll do with the rest of the day but since Sabu took over my meditation chair this morning forcing me to choose another spot, it would appear the day may well be filled with changes. Right now, I'm beginning to think maybe I'll tear out the cabinets in my bathroom. I've been threatening to do this for a while--maybe today's the day?

Changing my meditation venue forced me to focus my attention on something else. My eyes rested on the pictures of my beautiful granddaughters and to the right of them, a picture of my handsome grandson. These three wonderful human beings who were not even in my life 15 years ago when I was diagnosed with cancer.

Cancer at age 51 at a time when I'd seriously thought of ending my life. Then my Higher Power stepped in and gave me the opportunity to seriously think about that! Talk about turning things over! That definitely did the trick! Thinking about taking ones own life is one thing; letting something else take it is quite another!

Honestly, at that point, I felt empty but with all the serious thinking I knew I had to do, all I could think of was "ok--what do I do next?".

I never felt I was fighting the cancer--just felt like I was going with the flow of treatment. I got to experience being bald! Losing my hair was quite the trip! Maybe I looked at it differently than some people because I knew it would came back but it was kind of fun--and cold during the coming winter in NW Chicagoland!

Eventually the chemo was over and my hair grew back but I'd found a wonderful peacefulness through it all and realized I might have something to live for after all even though neither of my sons were married at the time and the thought of grandchildren was still very far off.

So, this morning, I have to thank Sabu for taking my chair and allowing me to change and see a different picture this morning. And remember how grateful I am that I've been allowed to live another 15 years and who knows how much longer? But meanwhile, I've experienced the grandchildren I never would have seen had I ended my life 15 yrs. ago.

Peace and love,

Carol

ON BEING PRESIDENTIAL

2009-09-04T07:07:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was the bowling debut of our leagues' 2009-2010 season. I am both president of the league and captain of my team--mainly because no one else wants to do it.

I really don't know that much about bowling. I used to know how to keep score but these days electronic screens and computers take that job off my hands although I can still follow along--helps keep my mind active.

We were setting averages and handicaps yesterday. Means nothing to me. As captain, the main job is entering the scores and separating the copies to give to the secretary. Since this was our first day, there were no handicaps and I thought the secretary would figure it out--which she did. But many others more capable than me were figuring out their own handicaps as a courtesy to our secretary and to lessen her burden. I had no such thoughts although if I'd given some thought and done my research I could have done that too. Laziness and inattention on my part but you'd think as president of the league that would have been the least I could do.

The other night, my husband and I watched the Frost/Nixon Interview--not sure if that's the name of the movie but you get the idea. Interesting that such an event was first made into a play and then adapted to a movie and got quite a bit of acclaim.

President Nixon was of my time. The interviews took place in 1974 when our youngest child was nearly one yr. old and our oldest just turned five. I vaguely remember them. I remember realizing that this was history--a president resigning--and trying to figure out just what his problem was or, more accurately, what his persecutors' problem was. I thought the movie would clarify that for me. It didn't. In the end I feel the same way now as I did then. That Nixon was persecuted beyond justification for his wrongdoing and that he did nothing more or less than what others did before and after him.

The actual interview was justifiably notable because it brought about the confession and admission of guilt that the PEOPLE were looking for and that they never got before the man left office. David Frost, at the time, was a playboy talk show host from Britain/Australia who was known more for his fluff than for in-depth interviews.

That he could get Nixon to agree to such an interview was pretty surprising. That he had no idea what he was up against became abundantly clear during the first three interviews. Nixon was a pro and he knew how to protect and present himself to the media and had no intention of losing any more face to his public. He'd had a lot of experience in losing face in the media and he'd learned some valuable lessons.

But he also appreciated a competent adversary; a good fight. And had told Frost on several occasions to not pull any punches. Frost's inexperience at such a thing became evident in the first three interviews but by the fourth one, he'd finally learned his lesson and got the confession from the man known as "tricky Dickie" that no one else had been able to extract. Although Frost was on the verge of losing everything financially and professionally that he'd worked hard to attain, the final interview not only assured that he recovered all that but all that and more. I noted that in the additional features included on the cd, he is now known as "Sir" David Frost.

I still don't understand why so many people hate Richard Nixon. Admittedly he did wrong even making the preposterous statement to the effect that if the President does something, even if it's against the law, then because it's the president doing it, it is no longer against the law!

Still, in my view he did nothing worse than anyone else in his office had ever done (or continues to do)--he just got caught. Note: I'm not saying he shouldn't have been punished. What I think is worth noting is that his transgressions dragged this country down in the media so much (to the detriment of the world's opinion of us) that everyone forgot all the good he did. That he was the president who got us out of Vietnam and ultimately opened relations with China.

In my opinion, many of our other leaders have done far worse and accomplished far less. I really think Nixon acted, for the most part, in the best interests of his country within his capabilities. Of course, this writing over-simplifies the matter. But, this is my blog and this is my opinion.

Like the president of our country who relies on others to take care of the details of his job, I too, rely on my secretary/treasurer to do hers and I bless her for it. But the fact is, if Janetta abscounds with the treasury, as my name is on those checks, I'd be considered as guilty as she would be. It comes with the territory.

Peace and love,

Carol

BOWLING

2009-09-03T07:04:00.004-05:00

Today is our first day back to league bowling after having the summer off. Most of us have bowled informally as friends during the summer when it's easy to take off for vacations. Of course, at our age, most of us are retired so we can take off at any time during the regular bowling season. But the love of the game and draw of companionship keeps most of us showing up routinely on Thursdays at 9 AM.

One of our members won't be with us this morning because she has a doctor's appointment. Her family is going with her. Mary is 82 and we're all worried about her. She gets a far off distant look in her eyes that seems to be there more and more often. During the summer, she forgot that we bowled on Wednesdays instead of Thursdays for the first half of the season.

We go out to eat after we bowl (actually the primary reason we get together in the first place is to have someone to go out to eat with!). We've all noticed that no matter how often we tell Mary where we're going, she often repeatedly asks us and how to get there. Some times even after being repeatedly told, she still doesn't show up. Some of us are beginning to fear for her safety and I suspect that's why she has a doctor's appt. this morning.

All the ladies I bowl with on my team are widows; some more than once. Everyone but me is either 80 yrs. old or close to it. Two of the ladies were new last year and are thrilled to have some place to go on Thursdays. It gives them a chance to get out of the house and bond with other women. I was delighted when Rosalie and Jimmie joined our team. I knew they wouldn't be good bowlers in terms of high averages but that isn't what I was looking for in new teammates. In fact, coming in last place at the end of the season has become such a habit, I rather like it down there in the basement! It's cool and comfortable!

But I'm mostly glad that Jimmie and Rosalie joined us because they're so much fun! They make me laugh! Jimmie at 80 will pass out "birth control" pills (in truth an aspirin or vitamin!) in the hopes taking them will improve our scores! Although what that has to do with it is anyone's guess; it's still funny--as in doing anything in desperation to help the team.

Rosalie reminds me of a cheerful bird! Although she's had a number of tragedies in her life, she remains upbeat and usually has a smile on her face! She's such a pleasure to be around and a lesson to us all that cheerfulness certainly attracts more positive feelings than being dour. Sort of like the fly and honey bit.

I miss Frances. She used to bowl on our team but when it was time to sign up last year she bowed out for physical reasons. Rather than disappoint our team and not show up, she didn't feel comfortable about how she would perform until the last minute. Then, when she realized that she could bowl, her spot on our team had been taken and she signed up with the new team that had just formed--and promptly shared in their first place victory!

But Frances is my friend; my buddy; my comforter. I've attended several bowling tournaments with her and we usually room together. Several times she's sensed when I've been down and has spread her care, concern and religious strength all over my aching soul. Words cannot begin to express the gratefulness and love in my heart for this very special lady.

They made me president of the league a few years back because nobody else wanted to do it. I accepted knowing full well it's a figurehead job and that it means I do virtually nothing. Thankfully, the bulk of the responsibility falls to the league secretary/treasurer, Janetta, another good and faithful friend.

I look forward to bowling with all of these ladies this coming year as I consider each and everyone of our 44 members to be my good friends. It doesn't matter to me if I bowl well or not; if we rise about last place or not. It just matters that we all can get together and laugh a bit and share a meal in the space of a few hours every week.

The bottom line is that I'm not really a bowler; I'm just in it for the hugs!

Peace and love,

Carol

MATERIALSM - PART II

2009-09-02T07:23:00.002-05:00

Bonsai trees, just looking at them, invoke peace in me! This is just one of the many we viewed on a recent trip.

Materialism--thinking about it and what I would write all day yesterday.

Does materialism go back to Adam and Eve? Was that what started the whole thing? Is that why Eve reached for the "forbidden fruit"? Something nearly beyond her grasp with the seductive name "Forbidden"! How much more do we want something when we're told we can't have it! How much more tempting is it when we're told we can see but not touch!

I'm sure at first, with no one to compare herself to, Eve didn't have much to be material about. Was one leaf pretty much the same when it came to covering the body? Or were the ones from certain trees deemed better than others because they were more rare or harder to reach?

And then there came animal skins! What an upgrade! And how much more difficult to acquire?

At first, of course, Eve didn't have a whole lot of competition what with being the only woman on the planet for awhile. But if we're to believe what it says in the Bible, she lived a pretty long time--long enough to produce little girls who would eventually grow up to be big girls and then women. And these women would go on to produce more women, etc., etc., etc.

If, in fact, they all lived hundreds of years, there would certainly come a time when competition would have entered into the picture! And isn't competition part of comparing? Comparing oneself to others? Who was better looking or more attractive to the opposite sex? And what would make one more attractive? Better cover-ups (can you call leafy creations clothes?!)? Of course in Eden, they may have been able to forego a lot of clothing as explorers even in modern day have discovered entire tribes foregoing all but the most basic of body coverings. Still--a little dangle here, a little "glitter" there--who knows?

And what about status in the community? How did one hut stack up to the one next door? And if a person became particularly adapted to building huts that were a little better than the others, was that person now sought out as a builder with a "name"--perhaps one could barter with that person to build one's own hut in trade for food. "You build my hut and I'll see to it you won't have to hunt for your food for a year!" Was that the deal?

What is it about human nature that makes us want "stuff". And when did brand recognition come into play?

I know my kids had it even when I tried to raise them not to. In my world, growing up relatively poor, I was happy to get whatever was either given to me or what I could afford--and that was usually not much! A $15 pair of jeans I could afford. $100 for a pair of jeans was out of the question when $100 could buy me a whole wardrobe! Sure, maybe the quality wasn't that great, but that didn't matter to me. If it lasted a year--I could have saved up another $100 to buy again the following year something new and different and maybe in a different color. To tell me $100 would buy me a single piece of clothing that would last me 5 yrs. didn't compute with me because I like change and don't want to wear anything for that long (although, admittedly, among my favorites are things that I have actually worn that long!).

Anyway, I suppose materialism helps the economy--at least on the grand scale of things if not on an individual basis. Certainly I know that some brands are better than others. I love Sketchers shoes and couldn't wait to get to the outlet store when I discovered one recently! And then I was disappointed in the pair I bought--not because of the workmanship but more because I'd inaccurately judged the style as being one I could wear comfortably. Still--it won't stop me from buying that brand again--they're good shoes not outlandishly priced--I just have to watch the cut of the shoe I buy.

Not sure how much more I'll pursue this but have to stop now and feed my chicks. Three eggs yesterday as opposed to none or one the last few days. The weather down here is cooling off--low 90s as compared to low 100s! And this morning--at 71!--it's almost cool outside! Cooler than it is inside--but not cool enough to warrant turning off the a/c! I know what happens during the day--it gets hotter!

Bless all who read this blog! Please comment if you like it! I like the writing but I'm in it for the hugs!

Peace and love!

Carol

MATERIALISM

2009-09-01T07:28:00.003-05:00

At left is the Bonsai tree my husband bought in honor of our 45th wedding anniversary this past week end. Think it's kind of appropriate in many ways. Maybe it will become an heirloom to pass on?

Anyway, yesterday as I was "conversing" via e-mail with my youngest son, the topic of materialism came up. He fears his daughters will grow up to be very materialistic. And I wonder..just where does this all start? Is it something we're born with or something we acquire. The subject interests me because I just finished a book where the main characters were extremely materialistic----BUT not in the very end. In literally, the final pages of the book, it all came down to unselfish love--although having material things did enhance it! The point was that what was truly enduring were the feelings people ultimately had for one another and I wonder if this is true and if so, where and when does materialism start?

Growing up in the Lutheran church, I got a daily dose of Christ's altruistic lifestyle. The message was clear: materialism was bad; altruism was good. Being unselfish and kind--not necessarily loving--never really got that "loving" message--was a good thing. The God I learned of in Lutheran school was not necessarily a loving God or at the very least he was only loving if I was a "good" girl. And part of being good meant being altruistic. It meant putting others before myself. It meant sacrificing for the good of others whether they appreciated it or not. It meant always putting myself last.

These feelings were fostered in my home as well. Being the oldest it was expected that I'd take on certain responsibilities especially as regarding my younger siblings. I was to be their second mom. Their needs would always come before mine.

Materialistically, we didn't have that much--especially by today's standards. Hand-me-downs were the rule of the day and we were grateful for them. Of course, if there was a hand-me-down from my cousins for me, that would mean, ultimately, that it would continue to be passed down eventually to my sister--even though she was 10 yrs. older. We never threw anything away or looked down on something because it wasn't the proper label. We were grateful to have another piece of clothing for our backs or another piece of furniture for our house. We didn't throw things away because one never knew when the next depression would hit or some other disaster would strike and then we'd be even more grateful that we had what we had.

I'd like to explore this topic more in future posts but right now I've run out of my allotted time for my blog and I need to go feed my chickens! But I'll be back tomorrow and think more about this during the day.

Peace and Love,

Carol

WHAT'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!

2009-08-31T07:18:00.004-05:00

My husband and I celebrated our 45th wedding anniversary this week end. We "escaped" to a place in Wimberly, TX called Creekhaven Inn. I'd highly recommend this spot and will consider giving gift certificates to our kids for special anniversaries in the future.

Peaceful and quiet, our room was upstairs on the end. Looking at their online brochure it was hard to make the "perfect" room selection. As it turned out, we might have inadvertently made the best choice as our room was on the end and we were singularly left undisturbed with perfect views of deer running through the property both early in the morning and at dusk.

The property features a 1,000+ yr. old bald cypress. And there's the tinkling sound of a creek that runs through the property that I'm sure is much more interesting when there's more water in it. What I thought was particularly interesting about our stay there was the people we met and to discover we were one of the very few couples there who were married! Let alone married for as long as we have been!

We spent our time taking as many back roads as we could to achieve certain destinations. A trip down the road to a Bonsai garden had us purchasing a small tree and a beautiful Texas agate pendant. A trip into Fredericksburg allowed us to taste good German food and experience local shops. My husband enjoyed the Pacific War Museum and I enjoyed local crafts people. Ironically, although we had separated for each of us to go our own way knowing we had our cell phones to communicate when each of us was finished with our respective "tours"--we met up in the same store without ever punching a number on our cell phones! Suddenly, I looked up and there was my husband! He said it was karma! And I wonder.

We found each other through letters--pen pals for five years before we married; four before we met. No--it's not been easy. Somehow we've persevered for 45 yrs. I'm sure we both wanted to leave the marriage on more than one occasion--I know I sure did!

Amazingly--especially for this day and age!--neither one of us has had physical affairs. That's not to say we haven't had fantasy ones--but for whatever reason--perhaps deep-seated values or vows we took more to heart than we thought we had, we've remained physically true to one another. Constancy like this is somewhat rare in today's world, I think. I suppose some people might even call it stupid not have have pursued other interests as they'd presented themselves in the thought that something untested might have made us happier--at least for the moment. But we've never ventured out further than the edge of our minds.

Yes, some times it's been boring, frustrating, infuriating!, upsetting. But always, it's been there.

As I downloaded the pictures from my camera into my computer this morning, the next step was to FIND them in my computer an often frustrating task! But then I found, when I thoroughly examined what was on the screen directly in front of me, the solution was right there--I just hadn't looked in that particular spot!

Maybe that's the way our marriage has been and why it's lasted. Somehow, some way, we've always known that the solutions have been right in front of us if we only continued to delve; continued to search within ourselves; within our hearts; within the boundaries of our marriage. Is this a romantic, delusional way to look at it? Maybe. But how can you argue with 45 yrs?

Peace and love,

Carol

CHEERFULNESS

2009-08-28T07:32:00.003-05:00

"Cheerfulness keeps up a kind of daylight in the mind and fills it with a steady and perpetual serenity" - Joseph Addison

That's today's lesson and I'm taking it to heart! No question that when I make up my mind to be cheerful and positive, my day just seems to naturally flow in a better path!

I have much to be thankful for, not the least of which is being able to celebrate my 45th wedding anniversary tomorrow! A lifetime has been spent in the last 45 yrs. Things have changed for better and for worse. My husband and I have grown up and grown old--well--old is more a state of mind and if that's the case (since I've recently started painting my fingernails and even putting cute little stickers on them!) I'm probably going through another childhood! Hopefully new and improved over the first one!

My husband and I have given ourselves any number of gifts on our anniversary (or not! in some cases!) depending on how we felt! But there's no question that the greatest gift we ever shared together was going to the hospital on our 9th to give birth to our second son (who is the inspiration for this blog!). This is not to slight our first son who was born 4-1/2 yrs. into our marriage but you can't beat an anniversary gift like having a child!

We'll celebrate by "running away" this week end--in fact, we'll leave shortly after the animals are fed and we're packed up. We'll drive in leisurely fashion (set the navigation system to avoid expressways and toll roads!) and arrive at a bed and breakfast about three hours away. There we'll loll around on high count bed sheets and lounge on a private balcony that overlooks pretty scenery. We'll stroll into town or take short trips into interesting venues nearby and come back to loll around on high count bed sheets! (We're not taking any birth control so I hope I don't come back pregnant!) (Are you blushing, Jordan?!) At ages 66 and 71 (and with half my body parts missing!) -- now that would truly be a gift from God!

All kidding aside, we intend to have fun and while I'll miss my computer it will be good to take a break from it for a couple of days!

When I return, I'll continue to write "words of wisdom" on Monday!

Peace and Love!

Carol

CONCEPTIONS - PER- AND MIS- PART FIVE

2009-08-27T07:09:00.003-05:00

The thing about pent up emotions is that eventually they have to be released one way or another.

I was really riled up about the driving experience, but when I got to my son's house, his wife was experiencing heart palpitations so I thought it best not to say anything. My son and husband were off on some jaunt so there wasn't the opportunity to vent there, either. In any case, I kept quiet until the next morning when I laid it on my husband! I thought that would be enough. Turns out, it wasn't!

As I started to discuss the next day's activities with my son, the events of the previous day came spewing out of my mouth. Now here's where I got into trouble!

In the process of relating to him what essentially made up the previous four posts, my intent was to impress him! And I apparently did but not in the way I intended (conception/preconception/misconception)!

My intention was to convey how bravely I'd tackled the situation; how I'd boldly faced the dragon car, the monster traffic, the inscrutable expressway! All these challenges previously related--I had SURVIVED! And CONQUERED! I'd gone into battle and WON! I'd PERSEVERED and returned my precious charges unscathed--and now I was a better person for it!

As I spouted out my tale of ultimate victory I was ready for the next challenge and (quite frankly!) a bit of a pat on the back! Now I had a good feel for the lay of the land! I knew a road with the word "plain" in the name would probably lead me to some place familiar! I had a feel for the area and if they could point me in the general direction of where I needed to go next (especially if they could keep me off the demented expressways!) I would once again be able to go forth and conquer!

I was the VICTOR! I was the CONQUERER! I am WOMAN, hear me ROAR! I could do ANYTHING! So, with that in MY mind, I was ready to accept my next assignment supposing it to be another venture to another kiddieland-type of place!

But Jordan's PERception was, apparently, quite different. Instead, he must have felt the fear and trepidation (the BEFORE part of the adventure). Perhaps he felt my relating the tale was expressing a "Don't ever do that to me again!" type of feeling?! In any case, I was relegated to the kitchen table and chair to spend my day in quieter and less adventurous pursuits. Frankly, I was hurt and devastated--too hurt to say anything. Earlier in the year, I'd really messed up the relationship between myself and my daughter-in-law, and I wasn't about to contradict the edict he now handed down--that he no longer trusted me in his car without either him or his wife to drive me. I was disappointed beyond words and meekly accepted his verdict.

Which brings me to the point of this 5-part story: The PERception on the part of my son and his wife that I was a safe driver from the onset--safe enough to entrust their children and one of their friends to my care. The MISconception on their part that it was an easy task for me to find my way safely around in totally unfamiliar territory. The PREconception that I would return safely--which (as it turns out) was the only one that rang true.

And then, afterwards, everything was turned around. The MISconception that I was complaining and still rattled; the MISconception that I never wanted to do it or anything similar again.

Oh, what a tangled web we humans weave in our lack of appropriate communication! How I wish I'd been able to express my sense of accomplishment instead of it coming out as a complaint! How I wish I could have expressed a positive rather than a negative attitude!

Of course, everything turns out ok in the long run. Being relegated to the kitchen table meant interacting more closely with my granddaughters and enabled us to created beautiful necklaces and earrings. We also sorted beads and I also was able to fix (I hope permanently!) the bracelet I'd made for my daughter-in-law and an earring of Hannah's that had broken. The purpose of the trip was, after all, to drink in my granddaughters and to collect as many hugs as possible before they set off on their next adventure in Okinawa for the next three years. And that, after all, was certainly accomplished more fully at the kitchen table than watching them play in habittrails.

Still--PER, PRE and MIS conceptions--it's been a lesson and adventerous ride to be sure!

Peace and love,

Carol

CoNCEPTIONS - PER- AND MIS- PART FOUR

2009-08-26T07:33:00.003-05:00

The tiniest egg I've ever gotten from a chicken! About the size of a large marble! My baby must be growing up!

I believe I left off at lunch time which went pretty much without incident. However, I did notice that as I was gathering up the plates of hot dogs and glanced back at our table, Iris had fallen back on her chair and the nice little mommy sitting next to her was helping her right herself. By the time

I got to the table, she seemed none the worse for wear so that was a good thing.

The girls soon finished their meals and were off to the races - or at least their habit trails! - again. But it wasn't long before little Iris came back to me in tears because the older girls had hurt her feelings--telling her they didn't want to play with her. That prompted her climbing into my lap for comfort and I don't know who got the best of that deal--Iris or me!

The feel of her small body as it clung to mine. Little arms around my neck! Exquisite! She could have stayed there forever as far as I was concerned! And she did stay for a long time--at least a 1/2 hr. if not 45 minutes. Between you and me, although she might not have closed her eyes, I think she was really taking a nap--at least rejuvenating. I was happy to serve as her mattress and pillow--one advantage of having gained more than a few pounds over the years! At least I'm fluffy and soft and comfortable--I hope she remembers that as she grows up!

Finally, she was ready to re-join the group after which Adrianna, the best friend, came crying to me about Iris' bothering her! Such is the world of 4 and 6 yr. olds!

I was very much aware of the time and the adventure that awaited me in getting my three charges back home safely. All I had to do, I told myself, was reverse the printed directions which would mean going towards Portland instead of Seattle. Right! I also wanted to get out of there in time to avoid the heaviest of rush hour. I lived most of my life in the Chicago area and am well aware of heavy traffic and horrendous rush hour traffic!

Patiently waiting for the girls to decide it was time to leave (after gently planting the seeds of warning times), I began to herd them up convincing them to retrieve their shoes and Adrianna to return her sox to her benefactor. They all trooped out and into the van which, by now, I'd figured how to open up!

It was hot and the a/c needed to be adjusted--ah! success! The seat and mirrors were already pretty much in place. I started off, successfully navigating the left turn needed to get back on the road home.

My memory failed me. I couldn't remember exactly how long I'd stayed on the road to my son's place, but I saw signs coming up; one pointed to Seattle; the other towards Portland--that must be the one and took the opportunity to enter the expressway and successfully merged!

Too late I realized that although headed in the right general direction I was on the wrong expressway! Horrors! I was on I-5--not I-205! How big a difference was that, I wondered? And now I've got traffic whizzing by me right and left and the sweet young things in the back of the van developed potty mouths!

I never knew 4 and 6 yr. old girls talked like that! "Penis, penis, penis! Poopy! Poopy! Poopy!" And they were virtually screaming it! Rather than trying to stop them, I figured the behavior was best tolerated in favor of my paying attention to the road in hopes of finding a way off the expressway I'd gotten on in error.

Finally, a familiarly named road (4th Plain) came into view. All I had to do was maneuver the car over to the off ramp and then figure out in which direction to turn it--east or west? Although I was inclined to go west, I reasoned that way was toward the coast and, therefore, big water! Since my son didn't live anywhere near the Pacific Ocean, the direction I needed must be east!

Success! I was on 4th Plain (but every other road in their area seems to be named after some sort of Plain!). I hoped I was on the right one! I reasoned the hotel where we were staying was on 4th Plain so all I had to do was recognize that intersection and I'd be home free--so-to-speak.

Meanwhile, the potty mouths in the back kept up their pace, getting louder and louder if anything. Remembering my past accident and traffic ticket history, I knew better than to take my mind or eyes off the road for even a brief second. Although this might not be the heaviest of rush hour traffic, it was certainly beginning to build and I knew I was miles away from the section of the road I knew.

Nothing looked familiar! Street after street, intersection after intersection, building after building. Where the heck were the signs for Westfield Shopping Center--where the hotel was located?! Where was the sign for Mall Road?! Where the heck was Covington and how in the world was I going to manage to get in the left lane without hitting anyone or getting creamed?! Try as I could to remain calm (and I did!), the fact is I was scared to death! Where was my gentle voiced navigation system when I needed her?!

Naturally, of course, everything worked out otherwise I wouldn't be here writing this post! Ultimately Covington came into view with enough notice that I navigated my way into the left lane and found my way back to my son's house without incident to his car or his daughters.

You know the saying, "what happens in.............; stays in.........." Well, I can assure you that what happened in the back seat of the van (the potty mouths) in gramma's presence, did NOT stay with gramma!

As relief flooded me at having made the trip successfully, that was the first thing out of my mouth! The complete re-telling of the potty mouth episode spilled out to the girls' mother. Megumi was wise. She called the girlfriend's mother and then took her daughters aside to reprimand them. And that helped me.

I was still riled up about the driving adventure but that didn't really spill out until the next morning--didn't realize how I'd pent it up. I'll cover that in tomorrow's post and how it relates to the title of this blog. Stay tuned!...........

Peace and love,

Carol

CONCEPTIONS - PER- AND MIS- PART THREE

2009-08-25T14:29:00.004-05:00

My husband and I recently traveled to the Pacific NW to spend some time with our son and his wife and our precious granddaughters before they head off to Okinawa for the next three years! It was a good and sometimes scary visit.

The first couple of days, our son graciously carted us out to see the Oregon/Washington coastline--including good views of the Pacific Ocean and a trip to the Aquarium. Later, he took us to the Clarke County Fair--the girls had never been to a fair and it had been some time since we'd been to one. I spent the third day chilling out with his wife and girls visiting the local craft stores and buying future projects.

The fourth day I wanted to take the girls some place special--like a jumping place (they're 4 and 6 yrs. old) or a big habitrail like McDonalds but better--maybe a Kiddieland. Megumi found a great place and meanwhile one of their friends asked to come along. No problem. What was I thinking?!

Suddenly, I was being handed the keys to their Honda mini-van and complete responsibility for 3 young girls with printed directions on how to get to this place about 8 miles and 15 minutes away.

Of course, the girls were excited and jabbering away as we approached the van. I had the keys but no idea how to unlock it. Luckily, one of the buttons I pushed did the trick and they all piled in. Thankfully, the 4 yr. old knows how to buckle herself into her car seat; the others are big enough not to need such an appliance. I figured out how to close the door and climbed into the cockpit.

And that's exactly what it appeared to me--like an airplane cockpit! I drive a minivan--have for the past five years. But it's a Chrysler and by now I've got it pretty much figured out. It also has a built in navigation system whose well-modulated voice gently tells me when to turn as well as how far away from the turn I am. In addition, there's a screen which I can glance at to get a feel for where I am.

The van I was about to drive had no such amenities. It does have lots of others, though, complete with buttons to operate them all. However, being unfamiliar with the vehicle, I had no idea to what those buttons were attached.

My first mission was to figure out how to adjust my seat and -- oh yes--the mirrors. Also, since they were going through a heat wave--how the heck do you turn on the a/c? Coming from TX--it's automatically on all the time!

I warned the girls to keep the volume in the back seat down to a low roar so I could concentrate on my driving. Keep in mind my previous posts--the 4 accidents and 5 driving violations! To put it bluntly--I was scared to death!

With my left thumb plastering the map directions (thankfully printed in large type!--I'm nearsighted at best!) against the steering wheel, and the rest of my fingers gripping it from behind, I attempted to figure out where to put the key -- in other words, where the heck is the ignition!? I have discovered over the course of time that if one points the key tip in the general direction of where one thinks the ignition is the key will generally find its way and this was the case this time.

Once I started the van, I was ready to take off. At least the first part of the trip was somewhat familiar as I'd driven it before in previous visits. But it soon came time to enter an expressway.

Some time back I remember Wayne Dwyer expounding about an aunt of his who would no longer drive in the Detroit area because she couldn't figure out how to merge. Well, I'm 66 yrs. old and although I come from the Chicago area and I'm not quite to that point yet--I'm beginning to understand this aunt very well!

In any case, I did find the ramp and made it on to the expressway. Luckily, the directions noted an exit number and once found I could even get off the expressway nearly as easily as I'd gotten on. Now for the next trick of finding the side road on which this playland was located.

I found it! But, much to my dismay and the dismay of the girls in the back seat, no such animal existed there! The best I could do was Gold's Gym--not appropriate for 4 and 6 yr. olds. Exploring every driveway and alley did not turn up the destination. My only recourse was to exit out onto the highway (at least it was only a 4 laner and not an expressway!) and continue my search down the road. Maybe they moved the thing!

Sure enough, about a block later, the kids and I both spotted it. Of course, not before I'd passed it up necessitating a U turn before I got so far down the road I couldn't find my way back! Success! Entry into the parking lot was relatively simple and I breathed a sigh of relief as I released my hostages from the back seat! Everyone was still in one piece!

Entering Kids Club (Fun and Fitness!) seemed a piece of cake--until, after signing everyone in, we realized that the friend had not worn her sox. Nice people from Kids Club to the rescue providing mismatched but workable sox that Adrianna was willing to wear (thank goodness). The girls were off for their own adventures.

I scoped out the place to get the lay of the land, took a few pictures for posterity, and settled down with the book I'd thought to bring. As expected, they were good for well over an hour before their appetites kicked in. I was prepared! So was Kids Club offering kid-type meals! Even better, for the most part except for drinks, everyone wanted the same thing. Piece of cake!

To be continued.........

Peace and love,

Carol

CONCEPTIONS - PER- AND MIS- PART TWO

2009-08-24T07:09:00.004-05:00

Don't know why I chose this image--it's just pretty.

My fourth and (I hope!) last accident was about a year ago. Born of anger and impatience. I'd just picked up my grandson to take him back to our house. I needed to make a left turn onto the feeder road to the expressway. I was "good"--I waited when the left turn signal turned yellow and decided not to make a run for it--I would wait until the traffic had cleared to make my turn.

And so I waited and as it cleared, I very slowly inched the van into the oncoming lanes. There was one more car to clear. I thought as it came towards me that they were probably intending to make a right turn which would clear the way for me to make the left so I inched further into the oncoming lanes.

And then he hit me! My grandson in his car seat in the back of the van was ecstatic! "I knew it! I knew we were gonna crash!" he loudly proclaimed!

I sat there absolutely stunned! Sure I was probably in his way but he had to have seen me as he came down the hill! It didn't seem like he'd made any attempt to avoid hitting me by trying to stop or swerve in any way! How could he hit me!

I was so stunned I just sat there absolutely dazed and amazed. I knew neither my grandson or I were hurt but still, I just sat there.

Finally, the lady who was in the front passenger seat of the other car came to see if I was alright which I assured her I was. I knew the police had to be called and when I finally began coming to my senses and went to see if she and her husband (who was driving) were ok, I also saw she was on the phone to the police and whoever else she needed to call. I also noticed that her husband (the driver) was on oxygen and had one of those little tanks sitting beside him.

It was hot--it was August--and my car was still running. I never turned it off because I was afraid it might not start up again and I wanted to assure some level of comfort for my grandson.

When the police came, Benjamin was delighted. I was asked to move my car out of the way--the other car was so damaged (likely totaled) it had to be towed away. I was given a ticket for failing to yield the right of way but advised that I might get it deferred if I drove without incident for the next three months--which is what ultimately happened.

This latest incident is as yet unsettled as the people still have claims against my insurance company. I wouldn't be surprised if they, too, ultimately sued us. Luckily, we're with different insurance than we were from when I had my first accident in Texas but I'm sure eventually things will catch up to me/us and our rates will increase substantially.

Add to this, since I've been in Texas these last five years I've also received a number of tickets--some frivolous--not wearing a seatbelt "properly"!--some not--going over the speed limit in a construction zone; in a school zone (this last on the last day of school!).

Writing this all out helps me see that every one of these accidents/incidents has been caused by impatience. I need to slow down. I need to relax! I need to let go--and as the saying goes--let God (or my higher power).

I also write this to point out the original perception--that I am a safe driver--is obviously something of a misconception! And now, perhaps, the reader can understand why I was so surprised when my son and daughter-in-law recently asked me to drive my granddaughters and their friend some place in a car with which I was unfamiliar and on roads I'd never driven on before!

But, more on that tomorrow--my writing time is up for today! And again--I want to explore the per and mis-conceptions of this latest event in my life.

Peace and Understanding to all who read this!

Carol

CONCEPTIONS - PER- AND MIS- PART ONE

2009-08-23T07:14:00.004-05:00

I have a perception that I'm a fairly safe driver. Most of my 40+ yrs. of driving experience would substantiate that.

Sure, I've had the occasional speeding and parking tickets--which, when I was younger--I could talk myself out of. But nothing serious happened until a few years ago when I was broadsided in my job's parking lot. Neither of the drivers was given a ticket--except that for some reason neither of us could produce proof of insurance! which was easily cleared up when the proof was found.

In truth, I was very lucky. Driving my Lincoln Town Car, although hit on the driver's side and spun around, I suffered no physical injury--but the Town Car very nearly paid for it with it's life! However, a good body man and several months later and no one would have ever guessed what had happened by looking at the car.

Of course, my pride was wounded. For over ten years, I'd driven through that parking lot without incident. And I'd always won at the intersections! This time I didn't win. Although it would be said (especially by me!) that the other driver wasn't paying attention--he wasn't--he was looking for address numbers--the fact is I had gambled on whether he or me would reach the intersection first and this time I'd lost. Technically, on the street, he might have been given a ticket for failure to yield the right-of-way. In a parking lot in Illinois, tickets for such aren't given on private property.

Neither of us were hurt so that was the good thing.

Five years ago, my husband and I retired to Texas. In that five years, I've had three accidents and five or six tickets--(I purposely blur the number in my mind!). All of the accidents, I'm ashamed to say, were my fault. The first resulted in a lawsuit that ultimately cost my insurance company $80,000--over that if you count the monies put out for personal injuries and car repairs.

I'd run a red light and this time I didn't get away with it. I'd run them before -- all inadvertently--thinking whatever thoughts but certainly not paying attention to my driving. The other driver was a professional driver and certainly paying attention--but not enough to catch me coming into his path as he made a left turn.

This time my Lincoln Town Car paid for the accident with its life. My dream car; my "baby". The car I never thought I'd own. My pride and joy. Once again it had saved me from a worse injury than would have occurred in a lesser vehicle.

My third accident occurred in the family mini-van. Rushing to a dental appointment and blinded by the morning sun, I suddenly found myself nearly airborne as I finally discovered I was traveling up the ramp of a heavy equipment transport vehicle. Angels must have been present as my vehicle nearly flipped over on its side before dropping heavily onto the pavement blowing out a front tire. Shaken, embarrassed, I drove/dragged the car to the parking lot of my dentist, called my husband, and kept my appointment!

What was I thinking? Making an 8 AM appointment when I'm retired for God's sake! I could/should have made that appointment at any time of the day! Certainly not that early when I had no job to report to! Although I'd made the appointment months earlier it could certainly have been modified or postponed. But no--I had to prove that I could still get up early and keep up with the best of them.

Add to that, I was taking care of the neighbor's animals while they were on vacation. They have dogs and goats and the goats are pastured a little distance from their house. Keeping that 8 AM early spring appointment meant that I had to go over to their place extra early to feed in the morning darkness. Scared to death of possibly running into a snake, I believe I did take a flashlight.

Mind you, my husband had volunteered to help me but he was still sleeping when I felt I had to leave the house. To do this, I had to play martyr. "I'll be magnanimous; I'll let him sleep. 'I am woman! Hear me roar! I can do anything'"!

I fed the animals, quickly showered and was determined to be at the dentist at 8 AM sharp.

What I hadn't counted on was the sunrise at that time of the year. Turning east into the road that was a block away from my dentist's office, the sun shone directly into my eyes totally temporarily blinding me. Less than 100 feet from the intersection, the transport truck was parked. There were no cones or warning signs around it.

At first I couldn't imagine what was happening. I never heard anything. But I did finally see the cab of the truck and assumed I was just approaching it very closely never realizing that my right front wheel had connected to the ramp and I was slowly rising above the ground.

By the time I realized I was going upwards, my mind simply couldn't process what to do. Should I stop? As my van began to tip towards its side it frightened me to think of stopping for fear the loss of momentum would surly tip it over. So would putting it in reverse to back down. I imagined I had hid a curb. What would I do then?

So I ever so slowly began turning the wheels so the van would come off the ramp--or what I thought was the curb. Meanwhile the pavement was approaching the driver's side of the van. My heart was in my mouth!

At that point, the van and wheel parted company with the ramp and with a loud thud it hit the pavement--right side up! Thank you very much!

The car was still running and forward moving although making a terrible scraping sound. I was literally within a few feet of the driveway I needed so it made sense to drive into a parking space.

Pride--how embarrassing! How frightening! How grateful not to have landed on my side! Surely my head would have hit the window and the car would have likely been unsalvageable.

Shaking, I got out of the van and called my husband on my cell phone. My husband; my rock. I knew he'd be concerned for me. Never angry. But not necessarily able to figure out just what to do. And I kept that appointment!

Later, I found out there'd been witnesses! They were surprised the van hadn't tipped over! And returning to the scene of the crime--so-to-speak--the transport vehicle was removed and I'm sure it was removed quickly.

It cost us the deductible on our car insurance and my insurance company about $1500. It cost me personally what? Hurt pride? Fear? Loss of self-confidence? Maybe there's a lesson in here? What do I need to learn?

To be continued.......

Updating Posts

2009-06-25T13:34:00.003-05:00

Ok--so it's been a while since I've posted! Well, here are some of the reasons why! We've been through some rough times with my aunt passing away in April and more recently trying (unsuccessfully) to save a sick pony. But there have been some good times as well.

Above left--see my state women's tournament bowling team! Didn't set the world on fire but we had fun! Seven of us crammed into our mini-van and traveled up to Plano for the event. Met the rest of the other team up there--we were lucky to fit 7 old ladies and their equipment into one car!

Earlier in the spring, three hens collaborated to hatch out ONE baby! It was fun watching them all vie for motherhood privileges! He/she is growing up well--doesn't look like it will be as ugly as Covert but interestingly is sprouting black feathers--must be a throw-back to the black frizzle roosters we had since two of his "moms" and are white frizzles and one is red! Oh well--that's genetics for you!

In the upper right, you see my 66th birthday present to myself! A retro bike! Gloriously pink and NO GEARS OR HAND BRAKES! I LOVE it! My husband says it looks like a Barbie bike - he's trying to insult me! But I don't care. I can ride this bike and not have to wonder/worry which gear I'm supposed to be in! Of course, right now it's 99 degrees down here so there won't be much riding for awhile. But it's there when I want it!

Other acquisitions: a new (unneeded) refrigerator--the other one went to the garage. I love this new French door fridge with the freezer on the bottom and the main part at eye level. Not losing nearly as many things in it! The only thing is we suspect it could have been made here in Aggieland as it only makes ice when the "no ice" button is pushed! Go figure!

And the latest and greatest! A new computer. Went for a Mac this time! With a 24" screen! Have been a pc person all my life but my son and brother finally convinced me this was the way to go! Cannot believe how easy it is to operate and adjust to! Yes, there are a few things I miss and some of my old pc programs too. But I'm discovering new things every day and a lot of what I miss is more than made up for by the advantages I have. Maybe I am proof that you really can teach an old dog new tricks!

Is this enough updating?! I'll try not to let it go for so long next time!

Peace!

Carol

World's Ugliest Rooster

2009-06-25T13:09:00.006-05:00

This is "Covert"! We call him that because when we got him a year and a half ago, we had no idea he would turn out this way! In fact, as he grew up, we thought he was a hen and felt sorry for him because it appeared that everyone picked on him.! Well, guess what? We haven't been able to tell that he's picked on any more than anyone else (although who could blame them?!). He just looks this way all the time and has from the time he was a baby.

Also, we assumed he was a hen until we knew we'd separated out the roosters and then one day we heard crowing! He was finally outed!

He does what roosters do--molests as many hens as often as he can. Other than that, he walks crooked--can't seem to walk in a straight line so it takes him awhile before he gets to where he wants to go! Have no idea how he's survived as long as he has. This is his first summer as an adult and with temps here in Texas in the 100s, it will be interesting to see how he fares. Obviously, he's a survivor.

Maybe we can learn something from him? Not sure just what?! Anyone have any suggestions?

Cheers!

Carol

Fun in the Chicken House

2009-03-29T13:16:00.003-05:00

Mary Sunshine and her newly hatched chick!

I knew this baby had hatched but thought it might be a day or two before it got active so didn't take the steps needed to secure the "nursery". What a surprise to walk into the shed to find Mary chasing around her baby and the baby not paying a whole lot of attention. They were circling around in the center of their little house and I feared the baby would accidently find it's way outside--I'm sure Mary had the same fear. She'd hop into a nesting box trying to coax her baby to her side but the baby had no clue where she was!

I quickly grabbed some gating material and coraled them both into a corner and then secured the bottom with panels high enough to prevent the baby from jumping through the holes in the gating system. Last was to put in food and water. It gave me some pleasure to see Momma visibly relax once she knew she and her baby were safe and they have been happily residing there ever since! Mary is a good little Mom and watches over her chick constantly calling to it and gently pecking it on the head.

It's good to say Mother and Babe are doing just fine, thank you!

Peace!

Carol

In Praise of Poop!

2009-03-11T08:29:00.011-05:00

Anyone who reads this blog knows by now that we live in Texas where currently it's very, very dry! We haven't had any measurable rain in over a month! Hopefully, we'll get some in the

next day or so! My husband and I retired down here nearly five years ago with the thought that this little mini-farm would either kill us or make us stronger! We still haven't decided which of the two it's done!

However, One thing we do enjoy is recycling and composting. And it's way past time to start a garden so the composting is becoming significantly more important. These pictures didn't come out in order--how do I re-arrange them? Anyone have a clue? But at any rate thought you might get a charge out of one of our recycling processes!

Poop is really neat! As you can see from the pictures. The ponies and donkey make it and we get to "recycle" it to enrich the soil in the garden! When I went out to the pasture to collect poop, you can see I had a very interested audience! I don't know if THEY know they made this stuff--maybe they wanted to keep it for themselves? It is rather soft to walk on! Especially after it's layed on the ground for a few days! Do you think they wanted it back? I'm sure they recognized the smell--although I have to say that it really doesn't smell that bad!

Their poop is made up mostly of hay and grains we feed them--there's not much out in the pasture for them to eat and what they eat is mostly grass. So now we can scoop up as much as we want and re-use it to fertilize our garden--some people pay good money for this stuff! They actually buy it in bags! I'm sure I scooped up the better part of at least 3 bags per garden cart!

And this stuff is aged! 'Cause this is the first time I've done this since we've lived here and that's been over 4 yrs! So it's very special poop! No wonder they're so attached to it!

Chickens make poop too. But it's more widely scattered although perhaps better managed in that they seem to deposit it randomly throughout the garden. Wonder what the effect will be on the blackberries this year! One thing I've noticed with the chickens is that they also seem to be very effective weeders--don't think I'll have to weed those berries this year although I wish they'd get busy in the back--that could use some work!

I also noticed that when I was scooping up poop, there were some good plants growing up underneath it and my scooping released them! I need to do this more often! It's very therapeutic! Besides it's fun wondering what the animals are thinking! "Aren't these humans funny! We go to the bathroom and they collect it like it's gold!" Little do they know we're using them as living recycling machines! Gotta love it!

Peace!

Carol

VALENTINE'S DAY (and other "womanly" Occasions!

2009-02-15T09:43:00.003-06:00

Okay! This is a bit of a rant and by way of this some motherly (and wifely) advice to my sons and especially to my husband!

This past Valentine's Day was, once again, a bit of a disappointment. After 44 yrs. of marriage (no! that's NOT a current photo!) my husband still doesn't "get it" and from what I understand--neither do my two sons!

A fellow I know recently told me he told his wife, "tell me what you want me to say and write it down and I'll say it. Otherwise, I have no earthly clue what you want me to do!" Well, here it is! I'm saying it and writing it down!

Of course, Valentine's Day is a "Hallmark Holiday"--I DON'T CARE! So are birthdays and even Christmas for that matter.

Of course, men think differently than women--I DON'T CARE!
Every once in a while, you men need to put yourselves aside and at least TRY to think like a woman on at least a few occasions during the course of a year! These occasions are--and this list is not all inclusive!: Her Birthday, Your Anniversary--if appropriate!, Valentine's Day, Mother's Day (if appropriate) and Christmas. Is that so hard?

Two of these are particularly important (spelling it out here!) her birthday and Valentine's Day!, Add in your anniversary and Mother's Day if needed and never forget her on Christmas.

Is this a lot to remember? I THINK NOT! Why not? Because it really doesn't take that much effort on your part if you care about her at all.

First of all, think back to when you first met. What attracted you to her? What made her stand out against the crowd to you? What made you respond to her at all? What did you do to attract her to you? Did you approach her? Did you ask her out on a date? Did you write her a letter? What made you want to investigate the possibility of having her in your life?

What was your first date like? What did you do to convince her to go out with you again? What was it about her that made you want to see her (or write to her again)? What was it about her that made you think you wanted to spend more time with her and what did you do to convince her she should spend more time with you?

Think about all these things when being bombarded by all the newspaper and TV ads that tell you a special occasion is about to come up. What about her birthday? Did you remember it when you were dating? How did you find out when it was? Is she hinting that a special occasion is about to come up? Have you marked it on your calender, ipod, 3G, or whatever? Is she important enough in your life that you want her to continue being in your life? What does it take to make her WANT to continue being in your life?!

Almost any woman I know merely wants to be remembered in any way (however small) by her "significant other"! Out of 365 days in a year, the above-mentioned occasions (only five or so give or take one or two) are really important enough to her that she's asking for a little extra attention.

No--a bunch of candy (however special) handed to her in a plastic grocery bag doesn't count! Come'on!!!!! They make pretty bags readily available at the dollar stores (and she might even have some in her gift wrapping stash)! Even cheap candy in a pretty bag can make a big difference! And flowers? Fancy bouquets? They're nice but not necessary if you can't afford them. Even a single flower or boquet from the grocery store presented with a little extra drama (tenderness) if you will, will melt her heart and make you a hero!

Of course, fancier more expensive gifts are appreciated as well but ONLY IF THEY'RE GIVEN FROM THE HEART--WITH TENDERNESS AND AFFECTION!!!

And whatever you do, don't charge anything you give her that's specifically for her on a special occasion to a joint credit card account unless you're the one paying the bills! She doesn't want to know what you spent on her! She just wants to know that you took the time to make her feel special on this special day.

Does this make it any clearer guys? No matter how long you've known a woman, on these special occasions treat her as if she's the most important person in the world to you and that you want to continue to spend your life with her! Make her feel special and the rewards might be amazing!

And Ladies: if, indeed, your signficant other actually responds to all the above, let him know you appreciate it and, at the very least, return the favors!

Love and Happiness to all!
Carol

Snow in Texas?!

2008-12-14T23:01:00.007-06:00

We thought we'd moved away from this! But, in fact, it actually snowed a measurable amount last Wednesday, 12/10! Enough so there were mini-snowmen/women being built all around College Station! Above is the snowman our grandson and his Dad built and it's plain that our decorations definitely took on a more festive look!

If that wonder wasn't enough, our little chicks who were born on May 1 of this year have become mothers themselves! That's right! On one of the coldest days of the year, two babies hatched! Although they're in a protected area--a well-built shed--it was cold enough for the water inside to have partially frozen! But those little ones survived thanks to their mom's protective shielding! Today, four days later, they're walking around just like they know what they're doing! Absolutely incredible. It would appear they're survivors and we're happy for that!

Have been busy baking--probably 50-60 doz. cookies--mailing them out in assorted 17+ packages plus those that we're handing out!--and making our own Christmas card and printing and sending 100+! Now we're getting ready to head to the Pacific NW to celebrate our oldest granddaughter's 6th birthday and spend the first part of Christmas. We'll enjoy Christmas with our other son and his family the day after we get back and then help with inventory for our daughter-in-law's store (Bead Fountain). Then to celebrate the New Year AND our oldest son's 40th birthday on the 7th of January! Maybe then we can rest!

Meanwhile I'm still trying to finish up some crocheting projects before we leave in two days!

So THIS is retirement!

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL! (and to all a good night!)

Love and peace!

Carol

Eggs-trodinary!

2008-11-12T10:20:00.002-06:00

Finally! I'm getting around to posting this!

We had been wondering when our little hens would start laying and wasn't paying too much attention since my neighbor said she doubted they'd start laying before January. Much to our surprise, when missing a hen while counting them outside, I walked into their little house and found a little hen setting! And look what she was setting on!

Most of them were turned into French toast or scrambled eggs. We did let her have about a half dozen just to keep her happy and marked those that were hers so when we check on her we liberate the ones that are ours!

We'll see how fertile they are in about 3 weeks!

Peace!

Carol

Happy Halloween!

2008-10-30T06:48:00.003-05:00

BOO! HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Everyone!

Hope everyone viewing this has a safe and fun Halloween! These are some of the critters I made for treats! They're goulishly delicious!

Of Scarecrows, Costumes and Roses

2008-10-15T12:23:00.005-05:00

I just LOVE this scarecrow! What an attractive alternative to what one normally sees!

The rose is growing in the Tyler Rose Garden in Tyler, TX--Tyler happens to be the largest producer of roses in the US!

A Lamb and a Lion costume! Created by yours truly for my adorable granddaughters.

My husband and I went on a retreat of sorts just to get away from the house and do something different. We ended up getting stuck in the mud in the middle of Davey Crockett National Forest! A force other than human managed to push us out of the red clay!

The purpose of our trip was to get down to some basics on topics we have not been able to discuss for the better part of our 40+ yr. marriage. We were in the car together and it was either talk or spend an inordinate amount of time in silence.

We've both been sober for a little over 3 yrs. now. What a difference sobriety makes! We're finally beginning to find the words to express ourselves--words that should have been spoken many, many years ago and had they been spoken that long ago would have made a HUGE difference in our marriage. Nonetheless, the words have finally been spoken and still have a major impact on us.

Further, the words and questions have kept coming even after coming home. And I hope they will continue to do so! We're clearing up the wreckage of our past and at our age are beginning to feel a certain peace and happiness unknown to us heretofore.

Alcoholism robbed us of this introspection and prevented us from enjoying our lives to the fullest extent. How grateful we are to find a program that has taught us how to live and enjoy our lives on a daily basis! One of the many wonderful cliches in AA is "It's not the drinking but the thinking that brought us here"! How very true this is.

Thanks to the intervention of our kids and the support of friends new and old, we've found a new way of life and a happiness such as we've never known.

May you all enjoy the same!

Peace!

Carol

Goofy Gonzalez & A Higher Power!

2008-10-04T18:58:00.003-05:00

From time to time I've questioned the validity of my Higher Power. Many times in my life I haven't felt deserving of any kind of recognition from God or anyone else. Why would anyone be interested in me?! Let alone intervene in any way in my life?

But there's no question that He/She does look after me and mine and has usually taken care of us all pretty well.

We have four banty roosters: Ben & Jerry are the white ones--like ice cream? Get it?! and then there's Gonzolez and Gomez the black Frizzles--the curley feathered ones. We decided to begin letting them out to roam the garden the other day. Of course, they all made a beeline for the hens who are currently in another coop for their own safety and well being.

For the most part, these four little muskateers stick together in their search for various tastey morsels to be found throughout the 1/4 acre garden we have. But--they are, after all, banties and as such will never be more than about 2# in weight. My husband discouraged a circling hawk one day and it certainly is within the realm of possibility that one of them could be picked off at any time. So far so good--or so we thought.

We left the house on Friday around 3 PM just to get out. At that time the foursome were busily searching for grubs amongst the blackberry plants. When we got home about 3 hrs. later, they greeted us at the larger garden gate--happy to see who was coming into the driveway. But I could only count three of them.

Further inspection did not reveal where Gonzalez had gone. Both my husband searched throughout the garden and even peered into our neighbor's yard to see if by chance he'd "flown the coop" to no avail. Believe me, my husband and I were very, very thorough in our search!

I double checked the little hut where they live removing the hatch to look inside. No Gonzalez. With a heavy heart, we assumed a hawk had gotten him for dinner. The strange thing was that there was no sign of struggle--not a black feather to be found which seemed a bit strange unless it was a very swift pick-up. Still, no other explanation was afforded us.

That night, although I felt a bit silly about it, I did put in a word to my HP about Gonzalez hoping he'd be returned to us. And that was that.

In the morning, I released the hens from their abode and then released the boys. Out marched Gonzalez! What?! What?! I couldn't believe my eyes! He seemed perfectly fine as he continued his march towards where the hens live!

I continued to wonder about this as I headed for the house to start the coffee pot tempted to wake my husband with the news. But I still wanted to feed the dogs and cats and empty the dishwasher. As these tasks were being completed, my husband came into the kitchen for his coffee. I told him to look out the back window and count the roosters and he was just as amazed as I was--incredulous!

So, Gonzalez is alive and well and just as spunky as ever and prayer does work!

BTW--my husband's wallet has been missing for about two weeks now. We've checked the last places he was but never cancelled cards. He'd been in a hurry the day he lost it but he was pretty sure it was not outside the house. Even today he stopped by the Kroger store just in case someone had picked it up and turned it in later. I'd asked him if he'd prayed about it and we both did just that last night. It's hard to pray for something when you think maybe it's your own foolish fault that it's missing.

Just minutes ago, as this was being written, he came to me with our prayers answered! He'd absent mindedly tucked his wallet that fateful day inside a rarely used drawer and just happened to open it a few minutes ago!

So, my friends, although I always leave everything up to my HP when I say my prayers at night; I'm not above asking for a few trivial things from time to time. I know it's a lot to ask with all the many far more pressing problems in this world--but you never know and it doesn't hurt--if nothing else, it makes one feel as though one has done everything possible.

Now--if we could just have retrieved that debit card before we cancelled it this afternoon!!!! (My kids (when they read this) are definitely going to start checking into old peoples' homes for us, I'm sure!

Peace and Love,

Carol

Blood Lillies, A Chicken Shed and Ike's Calling Card

2008-09-26T07:54:00.006-05:00

The greenhouse suffered a bit of damage but nothing too unusual for a high wind. Panels still need to be replaced (fiberglass) but this is nothing compared to the suffering of people still displaced in the Galveston/Houston area.

Our chicks seem to be happy and today may be a momentus day for our four roosters who will be released from confinement this morning now that we have the fencing secured against the dogs.

64 degrees this AM! At least we're not walking out into walls of heat first thing in the mornings now and temps range into the high 80s instead of 90s. Some relief which I appreciate. Maybe by the end of next month I can start wearing long pants! Found myself wishing for a few days of snow the other day! But overall we love it down here!

Be well!

Carol

Perspective on Ike

2008-09-15T21:04:00.003-05:00

Is this the most ridiculous chicken you've ever seen?! And she's so soft!

The chicks are now relocated in their new shed and FINALLY figured how to go in and out once Dad built the new chicken ladder!

Hurricane Ike came through here Saturday morning. We'd had plenty of warning and were well prepared. We made sure all the chicks were safely in their quarters although we did let the roosters out even while it was still raining and they didn't seem to mind it.

Ike took down a few tree branches that needed to come down anyway. He also dumped 4-1/2 inches of rain which was welcome. For the most part, the hurricane drifted towards the east. Our power never went out and we were never in any kind of danger.

But people in the surrounding areas were not so lucky. Many are still without power and it may be 4 wks. before it's restored. Many evacuees from Houston and Galveston came here to escape Ike's wrath and now many have no place to go back to. There are rumors that gasoline (still under $4.00/gal.) will be rationed soon as people from those areas come here to replenish their supplies--not only gas but also food. All our grocery stores are crowded.

I've been through hurricanes before but never felt the entire impact as I do now. Feeling very grateful and blessed at the moment. Grateful I have a full pantry and freezer and running water and air conditioning and access to the internet. Amazed at how Mother Nature, in the blink of an eye, can wipe out sturdy structures and longstanding landmarks. From what we can gather, our favorite place to eat in Galveston is gone. And we were there just a few months ago!

We are very grateful and pray for those who have lost so much. Getting out with your life is a good thing but trying to get back to a home that no longer exists is an awful realization.

Love,

Carol

A Grey Chicken, a Frizzle, Onions & Taming the Monsters!

2008-07-01T06:09:00.004-05:00

This is a Frizzle! A curley feathered chicken. It's poor companion may also be a frizzle but it's hard to tell when half it's feathers are missing, poor thing!

Above: the onions were planted last November and harvested recently although we've been harvesting them right along since February. Also--have you ever seen a grey chicken? Most of my friends have not so thought I'd post it as an anomoly.

I think I'm beginning to understand my monsters. Although they have many names like anger, rage, jealously, righteous indignation, etc., I realize they can all come under one catagory: Control. When I don't feel I have control over a person or situation, my monsters break the lock on their cage and come out in full force!

Of course, one never has complete control over anything in life and I should know this. Accepting it is something else. There are some parts of my life in which I can accept this; but obviously I haven't yet been able to transfer that feeling to all parts of my life.

However, I think just this much understanding helps. I may only have scratched the surface. Did it begin when I was molested by my father as a young girl? Losing trust in a parent you felt would protect you is certainly a control issue.

Recently we were in charge of taking care of a neighbor's animals. One of the baby goats is not quite right and they even said if we couldn't get it to feed from the bottle, not to worry about it. My instinctive reaction was that this baby WOULD eat and it would NOT die while I was in charge! I'd force feed the little thing if it killed him!

Looking back, what a ridiculous thought! How very little control was actually ever in my hands! Almost none at all! I certainly could feed but life and death was out of my hands/control. I could only do my part--control what I could or--as in the serenity prayer--accept the things I couldn't change, change the things I could--but some times I don't always have the wisdom to know the difference.

A tragedy has just befallen us. Our dog, Jake, just got into the chicken room with the baby chicks and destroyed the better part of our little flock. I must accept that I can't change Jake and his determination to get to these critters, and now I need to see what we can do ro save and protect the rest.

Peace!

Carol

Baby Goats & Monsters

2008-06-25T06:58:00.002-05:00

While our neighbors are on vacation, we're taking care of their animals. I definitely need to get a better picture than this--at least one without a rear view! But after feeding the babies, they tend to follow me around too closely for a better shot. This is the best I could do at this time.Speaking of the best I could do at this time, I recently had a very bad spell where the monster in me came out. My monster has many names: Confusion, Anger, Hurt, Misunderstanding, Fear, Righteous Indignation. I hate this monster even though my son tells me to love it. I've heard that however good you are, you are equally as bad and this monster proved that recently.

In general, I try to be a very good, kind, and loving person and since I've been in AA I believe that part of me has improved. But there's no question that when put to an extreme test, the worst of me can, and will, come out.

I have a tendency to fear that the monster is the real me. But now I have an opportunity to feed these baby goats while their owners are on vacation. Two of the babies are normal except that their mother died and they have to be fed with a bottle. However, one is not "normal". It's gait is stilted, he has a large sharp bump in his chest, and he may be blind. This baby also has to be bottle fed and he has to be coaxed because the sucking mechanism isn't that well developed. His little jaws have to be forced open and he has to be encouraged.

Of course, my first instinct is to be perfect and make sure this baby stays alive while his owners are gone. My next instinct is to care for him as he struggles with living. I've learned that picking him up and placing him on a table unreachable by his "cousins" gives us both a sense of peace and allows us to concentrate on "business"--the business of his feeding.

But lately, something more has happened. The little fellow--although he may still run from me--seems to be a bit more understanding. He leans into me while nursing and seems to know I'll be patient with him while he takes a breath. His "cousins" while at first just pesty, now often rest on my feet!

Of course I'm reading more into this than I should, but these actions are very comforting to me. As though these creatures know something about me that I forget about myself when my monster comes out. Maybe they don't see the monster. Maybe they only see that I'm doing my best to care for them? Maybe they're only seeing the gentle side of my heart?

I wish I could put my monster away for good and only be so pure of heart that only the gentle side of me comes out--ever. I envy people who are so calm and accepting of life as it's handed to them. But I still struggle with my monster from time to time and that's a fact.

Perhaps I've just had one more opportunity to learn. I hope I've learned my lesson well.

Peace!

Carol

Think About this!

2008-06-20T16:37:00.002-05:00

My son and his family from Washington State visited us last week and we just put them on a plane back home last night. Already I'm missing my two precious granddaughters.

To make use of my time, I've been cleaning up my room (something I should have done before they came!) and ran across this. I intend to throw this out after I re-create it here as I'll now have some place else to store it electronically. But this got me thinking when I first read it, and it got me thinking now. I hope you enjoy it. Remember this is a quote.

We think our younger generation never notices anything, but in truth, they notice more than we adults do and they notice and understand more than what we want to admit they do.

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller building, but shorter tempers;
Wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints;
We spend more, but have less;
We buy more, but enjoy it less.

We have bigger houses, but smaller families;
More conveniences, but less time;
We have more degrees, but less sense;
More knowledge, but less judgment;
More experts, but more problems;
More medicine, but less wellness.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our value.
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life;
We've added years to life, but not life to years.

We've been all the way to the moon and back,
But have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor.
We've conquered outer space, but not inner space;
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul;
We've split the atom, but not prejudice.

We have higher incomes, but lower morals.
We've become long on quantity, but short on quality.
These are the times of tall men and short character;
Steep profits and shallow relationships.
These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare;
More leisure, but less fun;
More kinds of food, but less nutrition.

These are the days of two incomes, but more divorce;
Of fancier houses, but broken homes.

It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the stockroom;
A time when technology can bring this letter to you.
And a time when you can choose either to make a difference or just hit delete.

(This was written by a student at Columbine High School shortly after the shooting of a number of students. Although the time of peace is gone, most of it pretty well stands today. I hope you've enjoyed it.)

Peace,

Carol

2008-05-24T21:03:00.002-05:00

Greetings from Iowa!

Going to Lombard, IL tomorrow.

Jake's been good but there was an incident with Bruno but everyone is ok

Think he's homesick.

Enjoying ourselves.

Peace!

Carol

Onions, Baby Chicks and Jabba the Hutt!

2008-05-11T18:33:00.005-05:00

It's been a while since I've posted last but as you can see, we've been busy! Besides that, the blackberries are coming in! Picked 24 pts. this morning and expect to get more tonight and tomorrow AM. This is the time to get them! And Farm Patch is paying $2/pt. which is a record high. Last year we made over $600 on them and expect the same this year. I have 5 pts. pre-paid!

Benjamin's birthday party was yesterday and as you can imagine, the baby chicks which arrived on May 1 were the big hit besides the Jabba the Hutt birthday cake! Unfortunately for Benjamin, he wasn't the only little 6 yr. old boy who coveted Princess Leia and she has mysteriously disappeared. Oh well--Ebay to the rescue!

Chicks are playing king of the hill and perching atop their feeder. Maybe the next pic will be of that!

Back out to pick berries!

Will try to post sooner!

Peace!

Carol

Flower Power!

2008-04-14T08:03:00.003-05:00

Haven't posted in a while. Sorry about that! Will try to rectify that in the future! Above is the azalea in our front yard--now turned completely green! Always beautiful this time of year!
Now you see Dad, Chloe and Jake in the gardens in Nacagdoches! The rest of the pics are from there as well except for the last one which is of a nest built on our back porch!

We have two nests now--one recycled by barnswallows in the front and this one in back. Linda, our neighbor, thinks this was was built by titmice birds! One of the prettiest nests I've every encountered!

Termites have been discovered in the yard and don't know if they're in the house or not but will be treated today! Very scary but we do live in the termite capitol of the world so not too surprising!

Denise visits Wednesday night until Tuesday AM. Hope to enjoy some good times together!

Off to breakfast!

Peace and love to all!

Carol

Productive Day

2008-03-04T22:36:00.002-06:00

Didn't walk this am--too cold for us in TX--34 and windy and thought we might walk later but got too involved with other things.

Cooked all day. Made banana bread pudding, oatmeal bread, pepper cheese bread--very good!--, apricot chicken, chicken yakatori, and chicken tarragon, as well as those meaty ribs with a pear sauce and strongarm cookies--Jeff's new favorites. In between all this, we voted and picked Benjamin up for his taekwondoe class. Then divided and packaged things up between Jeff and his family and us. Neither Jennifer or I should have to do some serious cooking for awhile--but it did feel good and the freezer is full. Benjamin ate his apricot chicken and bread pudding--he loved it. If nothing else I've satisfied my grandson.

Meditation is a good thing and it does help clear my mind but I feel useless if I'm not accomplishing something. And there's so much to do! We bought this place to keep us young--if we wanted to sit I think we'd die earlier. We did let Charlie out today--but I think it got too windy for him and he went back in his house.

After the rains yesterday things are greening up and the trees are budding. So many birds!

Looks like we'll be dog sitting this week end and goat tending next week. The following week I'm hoping to get out and do some azeala sighting. Ours is blooming but the blooms are scanty. I think we need another plant out there.

Dad goes to his computer club tomorrow and after getting out some letters to take to our meeting tomorrow night, I'm hoping I can do some serious sewing. Maybe even get in some beading.

Time for bed!

Peace!
Carol

The Beginnings of a New Month

2008-03-03T07:05:00.002-06:00

How quickly times goes by! February is over and the month of March has begun! Here in Texas, it's hard to tell if the month came in as a lion or a lamb. Never imagined that Texas (or at least this part) had so much wind! Some times it's hard to keep the greenhouse together!

The Unity Conference was a success! Not only did all the bills get paid, but it would appear that we made a bit of profit--which, of course, is not the aim except that the extra money will help pay for the next conference and help to continue to spread the word to others suffereing from this terrible disease.

It looks like the conference next year will be in Navasota and I plan to participate in whatever way I can. I enjoy making the speaker baskets and contributing to the auction and the chili contest, etc. Good fellowship.

It's raining and it's rain we need--in more ways than one! The winds wick up the moisture so quickly! Charlie is crowing but I think he's staying inside his little house! It will give me an excuse to stay inside and get inside work done. So much sewing to do and so many more beading projects to attempt and so much organizing to do! I want so much to be organized! I need to work on that more and more every day! And I want this house to be clean! But the latter is hard to maintain when the weather is bad and the dogs come in and out. No doubt about it--animals do not contribute to the cleanliness of the house!

But the newly configured fridge seems to be working well and I believe I'll make some major changes to the contents of the pantry today shifting some things to the bookcases that serve as auziliary housing for "stuff".

Benjamin is already looking forward to his 6th birthday in May! So much going on! But nothing immediate with AA except some committee work and there is something to do for that.

Feeling better--maybe because the conference is over. God blessed Teresa with good help and keeping her father from harm. She did a wonderful job and I'm very happy for her and learned a lot from the experience.

Peace!

Carol

Another New Week!

2008-02-25T07:43:00.002-06:00

Busy week this week! By this time next week, I should come upon relative calm. Getting ready for the Unity conference at week's end making chili and corn bread, and some sort of pot luck dish--thinking in terms of roll-up type sandwiches; perhaps brownies.

Also want to make Dad's cookies and do some more breads. Don't know why I'm into making breads these days but I am.

Feeling pretty good. Trying to get outside more these days and plan on working more in the garden. Dad has made good progress on the greenhouse and nearly all the panels are up now. Priced stones for the floor yesterday and came to the brilliant conclusion that mulch might be better; cheaper and easier on the feet! Wow! What a breakthrough! Perhaps that can be accomplished by week's end.

Walking this AM with the dogs. Took them for a ride last night -- Chloe wanted more. Planning a mini-trip by mid-month next month to check out an azeala festival in NE TX.

Need to work more on projects! Need to get off the computer!

Peace!
Carol

Charlie Doesn't Like Walking Through Water

2008-02-18T07:02:00.002-06:00

I hear Charlie crowing but I haven't let him out yet. We had so much rain over the week end that there are still puddles around and in his little enclosure. Dad had to pick him up off the garbage can lid last night and throw him in bed! But Charlie is forgiving and he's crowing that he's awake this AM. I'll let him out a little later. His bug search should be pretty productive today.

My youngest granddaughter is 3 yrs.old! What a joy she is! I think she has an old and mischievieous soul! I have a feeling that little Iris will get into her share and her sister's share of trouble over her lifetime but that, like her dad, she'll always come out well and well liked.

Sabu was very needy last night. He is such a sweet kitty and doesn't get his fair share of attention--or maybe he does--who's to say? I do feel bad that Sam picks on him so.

Chloe is beginning to communicate more and more--especially with her nose! She kept boinking me with it the other day and I finally figured she was trying to tell me that she needed/wanted to go outside! What a trip! She and Jake love the new toys we got them and play with them and with each other a lot.

The weather up north where we lived for so many years was really bad over the week end. Even though we had our month's share of rain in one day(!), I'm glad we're down here instead of up there!

Dad fell through the attic ceiling yesterday--at least one of his legs did! He was trying to install a light fixture for my closet and mis-stepped! So now we have extra ventilation! He's ok although he did scrape his leg and his cheek which seem to be better this morning. An example of no good deed going unpunished, I guess.

Not sure which direction I'm heading today. But I'm sure I'll find one or two!

Peace!

Carol

Happy Valentine's Day & Happy Birthday Iris!

2008-02-14T07:03:00.002-06:00

We celebrated Valentine's Day last night with a chocolate cheesecake decorated with sweetened sour cream and hand dipped (by me!) strawberries. I'll take the leftovers plus some Valentine cookies to bowling today. Hope I get rid of the rest of the stuff 'cause that cheesecake is too good!

Spent the better part of the day in the kitchen. I also did stuffed shells and Benjamin scarfed them up like candy! For the first time in a long time he didn't need encouragement to clean his plate! 'Course he was after the dessert but that's ok--he earned it big time!

Benjamin gave us a wonderful hand-made card to Mai Mai and PaPa and a red carry container with a cute little red monkey inside that whistles! I loved it! Perfect gifts for someone like me--don't know what dad will get out of it but he enjoyed the card and got a charge out of the monkey.

We watched an old chick-flick type of movie last night after they left that had some elements of truth in it for sure. Funny to see how much actors have aged in the past 20 yrs. when you see them in the movie and compare them to now!

Today is what I consider to be my "free" day and I always look forward to Thursdays. Dad will take on the second day of his computer training course--basic but good for him to have it presented in different ways.

Not sure what I'll do this afternoon but probably work on some craft stuff. I'm way behind and need to get going on that.

Nothing much else to report--46 degrees headed for the 60s so can't complain.

I hear Charlie crowing so need to let him out to proclaim is aliveness to the world!

Peace!

Carol

Beau & Luke's Excellent Adventures

2008-02-13T07:32:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was busy and challenging--never felt I ever got it together!

Started the day w/a walk with my friend even though rain threatened. At the end of our block live a couple of little beagles, Beau and Luke. They had escaped their enclosure and came running happily towards us eager to join us in our adventure! This was not the first time they'd escaped and this time I determined to put them in our yard until their parents came home. But when we made another pass, they had escaped our yard as well!

At this point, rain (much needed) threatened so we gathered them up again and got Luke into our house while Beau refused and by then it was raining so we tried to keep an eye on him and then he disappeared! Meanwhile, Luke made himself at home and ultimately slept on my lap while I sat at the computer!

I started some laundry and Dad went to his computer class when all the dogs set up a fuss because someone was at the door. There was a gentlemen serving me with the papers I'd been expecting--very nice and concerned about my dogs--although one wasn't mine!

I left Duke, Chloe and Jake in the back yard while I picked Dad up from his computer class. From there we went to Copy Corner to pick up and slice apart bookmarks I had made for the Unity Conference--slicing them apart took 3 hrs! Did some grocery shopping and when we got back home, everyone was fine but still no sign of Beau--at his house or ours.

Meanwhile, Luke seemed to be making himelf at home, peeing and pooping on our carpet several times but being very sweet and playing with Chloe--Jake routinely ignores young upstarts!

Still doing laundry, stewing about the papers served--I'm being sued for $250,000!--talking to my insurance agent who is trying to calm me down--successfully--this is more or less routine--strictly business like negotiating a house--always ask for more than you expect to get. Lots of reassurances that it will likely not come to trial but pointing out many factors in my favor--Maybe I'll send him some home made cookies?!

Typed a note to Beau and Luke's parents that we had one of their dogs but not the other and ran it down to their place--we don't know them--with our phone number. Turns out they're home and Beau and let himself back in the fence and they were frantic for Luke calling animal shelters. I ran back to get Luke and they were very grateful--I was actually prepared to take him off their hands if they didn't want him he's so sweet! But now they have our phone number and know how to reach us if they escape again and I know their names.

How life works--we were going to the copy center anyway so it was convenient for us to have copies made of the document--25 pgs. long that makes it look like I intentionally hit this guy!--and we were able to get it in the mail right away. I NEVER go to the copy center--this was one of the first times I'd been there for a project they'd done for me!

Anyway, made the salmon and broccoli and fed Dad--still working on laundry -- and madehis oatmeal cookies--put some wheat germ in them this time and he proclaimed perfection! Also made up cookies and started a crust that needs to be finished today. Don't know why I'm making a chocolate cream cheese cake, pepermint heart cookies and strong arm cookies--made with a lot of fruit--for today along with Paula Dean's stuffed shells for tonight's dinner when the kids come over--but that's what's lined up for today.

I've done my Yee and finished the laundry and am ready for a brisk--36 degree this AM--walk. Let Charlie out--he was up when I was!--and he immediately headed to the corner of the garden where he could crow his greetings to the world!

Looks like sun today!

Peace!

Carol

I Woke Charlie Up!

2008-02-12T07:13:00.000-06:00

I woke up Charlie this morning! Very unusual. He usually crows off and on throughout the night so I was at first worried. But when I peeked inside his little house, he was still there. Afterwards, I heard him crow from the corner of the garden as if to get the best possible advantage for any other chicken to hear his call.

Dad's eye seems to be better. A trip to the dr. indicated a possible infection. How fortuituous that I happened to be going through some medicines in my cabinet and found a cream I'd had to use for a similar incident last year. I brought it to the dr. office and showed it to him and he was pleasaed and said this was good to use on the eye.

At first it didn't seem to do much good but by last night, he was feeling the effects and this AM says the affected eye almost feels better than the other one!

Busy day yesterday--trips to the copy center (I actually had burned the cd properly!), some revisions, and then a trip to see if the convention center will meet our needs for the conference at the end of the month--it will. Then after-care and another trip to the copy center to approve a proof for the bookmark I developed for the conference center. Interesting about liviing in a college town: This copy operation is open from 7AM to 2AM daily!!!! They said my project will be ready this morning but I'm not going up at 7 to find out!

Not sure what this day will bring and I need to plan it but I have a cup of coffee and have done my Yee so I'm sure things will fall into place.

Hope it rains--we need it!

Peace!

Carol

2008-02-11T07:15:00.000-06:00

It's 61 degrees at 7:15 AM heading for a high of 72 today. I hear Charlie crowing. Lately, I'm trying to let him out of his little enclosure when I first get up--he seems to like that--maybe following the old axiom of the "early bird gets the worm!".

Lots of stuff going on--again more soul-searching and not always good about that--often cranky--not sure what that's all about. But talking to my granddaughters and my son and his wife do help alleviate some of the pressures.

Trying to work outside more lately. With good weather, this is possible. Dad is making progress on his greenhouse trying to get it to the point of being useable. We ordered more clips but they haven't come in yet. These are necessary to make the panels stay in with the high winds we seem to be experiencing these days.

The blackberries are almost uncovered and we're into spreading more mulch. Amazing how many fire ant hills there are! Sure made a group crazy yesterday when I pulled weeds from their abode--luckily I noticed only one bite this AM.

Trying to get back to some basics but it's not always easy. Frustrated with myself because some things don't come easily to me! like burning a cd!!!! What's that all about and why does the process intimidate me!? Makes me feel so old!

Anyway, I'm back and going to try to make this a regular missive again.

Peace!

Carol

"The Truth Shall Set You Free!"

2008-01-29T07:34:00.001-06:00

I've been doing a lot of soul searching lately and trying to figure out the difference between how I feel now and how I felt a few weeks ago. Listening to the speaker tapes we bought from the convention--the two speakers I liked the most make some great points.

It's often said that alcoholics are selfish and self-centered. Until recently I figured that didn't apply to me. But more and more I see myself in that role.

On the one hand, we need to be selfish enough to take care of ourselves daily in mind, body and soul. That kind of selfishness is a matter of preservation. This kind of selfisness brings renewal and strength enough to help others. But when I'm sitting in a meeting waiting for the attention to focus on me so that I can dispense my "pearls of wisdom" which most people don't even take notice of--now that's the kind of selfishness that's referred to--selfish and self-centered. To think that I have anything at all to contribute to another's well-being is very self-centered.

But it's different when I feel it from the heart. That happened last night.

Earlier in the day, I'd walked and helped Dad worm the horses. Then I'd taken my shower and dressed. Normally, I would have just put on my jeans and gone about my day. But I notices something when we attended the convention that I thought was interesting--I'd dress up a bit and how much better I'd felt about myself. Maybe I miss just a little the office attire I put on for so many years and how good it felt to make sure I looked "professional" before I stepped outside. Since the rest of yesterday would be spent in two different meetings, I decided to dress up a bit and use some of the office clothes that had been just hanging in the closet for the last couple of years.

I felt magically transformed with an added self-confidence and realized I'd done some soul feeding in doing this simple task. At the first meeting, I spoke from the heart although not without some frustration as I realized my point was not hitting home and that we were on a sensitive subject. Nonethless, I knew I was not being self-centered but rather that my audience just was not quite "there" yet as so many of them are relatively new to AA.

Came home and rested--taking care of myself again and actually asked Dad for assistance in some task--taking care of myself again.

Made Dad his cookies--taking care of him because I took care of myself and went to another meeting. Even the cookies were special as I didn't just go through the motions--I actually tried to analyze some of what I was doing to produce a better cookie--with a good degree of success though far from perfection.

Went to my last meeting when Drake attended--I'm not his biggest fan for various reasons. But there were two people (Drake and Mike) who were obviously hurting and the group came together to help them in whatever way they could. Speaking from the heart Drake said one of the statements I made almost drove him to tears and Mike thanked me for my input. What I said doesn't matter--but speaking from my heart does.

But oh beware the pride!!!! How I've lived on those comments since then! (Selfish and self-centered!) I envision myself making wondrous speeches to crowds at AA conventions waiting to hear my pearls of wisdom!

This alcoholism thing truly is a disease of the mind, body and spirit. Our mind takes us to so many places we never should be! We definitely need to feed all three to stay whole!

Peace!

Carol

I Don't Want to Die With the Music Inside me!

2008-01-24T07:33:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I had a Duh! moment. It happened at night but it was forming all day as I thrashed about trying to figure out what was happening to me and why I was having such a hard time dealing with my friend, Millie and handling the stress that surrounded me during the holidays.

I've started reading Dr. Wayne Dyer's "10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace" and he refers to Leo Tolstoy's character Ivan Ilyich who, on his deathbed said, "What if my whole life has been wrong?"

Remembering some tenant of Stephen Covey's and references to emotional bank accounts it's starting to make sense. And Jennifer helped too as we discussed how she had to fire and sweet young girl from her first job because advertently or inadvertently the girl had jeapordized the shop's integrity--something Jenn cannot afford to have happen. But Jenn has to take care of not only herself, but her business as well. And that applies to all of us. And right now, especially to me.

I haven't been taking care of myself. I haven't enforced my emotional boundaries. I haven't made enough deposits in my personal bank account recently and I allowed others to overdraw from it without protecting my balance.

By "handling" Millie I don't have to hurt her intentionally and I have to allow her to take care of herself--I can't take care of her or give her what she wants. Only she can do that--just as I could never "give" my mother what she thought she wanted--she (as we all do) need to find that from within. For me to try to give Millie what she thinks she wants means that I have to hurt myself and do something that is uncomfortable to me--I have to protect my balance just as she must protect hers. I cannot give her what she thinks she needs--especially not at the expense of depleting stores. We can only take care of ourselves--that comes from within. And somehow, some way, Millie must do the same thing and no matter what I give her--without it coming from within herself--it will never be what she truly wants.

Now I must take care of myself--that's really what AA is all about--learning how to feed our souls and restoring that inner peace and tranquility that is there for the taking if we can only find our way to it.

I already feel lighter, happier, and more confident. Perhaps that's the lesson (so painful these last few months) that was out there for me to learn. No one can give this to me. I must search for it myself and make it a priority to fill my bank account to overflowing to allow me to give some of it away!

Peace!

Carol

Feeling Better

2008-01-22T15:12:00.001-06:00

Feeling better today. Tried to stay away from sugar--think that's the culprit behind my down periods.

Got the new rice cooker today. Looks great and hope to get it going soon.

Not much to report. Making a bean soup right now and made some garlic parmesan rolls earlier with yeast!

Be well!

Peace!

Carol

How Many Times Do We Keep Trying?

2008-01-21T08:28:00.000-06:00

Having a rough time keeping New Year's resolutions and not sure why. How many times do we start over? And failure brings sorrow and self-abuse.

Maybe I need to get away from things.

I'll keep trying but it is discouraging not to see any change immediately.

Peace!

Carol

Trying to Catch Up!

2008-01-18T08:22:00.000-06:00

The picture is of the glorious forsythia bush we finally managed to get to survive up North. Can't grow them down here but there are lots of other pretty colors here so I'll have to get busy and take some new pictures!

This will be a busy week end for us as we host an Al-Anon couple for the SETA convention here. She is a speaker Sat. afternoon but we will meet them tonight, take them to their room and then have dinner with them while we introduce them tonight to other speakers. We're looking forward to it.

Finally getting some much-needed rain and it is cold here--36 degrees. But up in the Chicago area it's only 9 so not complaining. Perspective is everything!

Have made some little progress in cleaning up and throwing out but need to get going on my room and that is a major project to begin next week. But there are more meetings ahead in reference to AA and that might delay things. Still, I need to get going.

Bowled fairly well yesterday and our team was rewarded with a sweep! Felt good!

Hate to let the dogs in with their muddy feet but looks like it's time for them to eat!

Peace!

Carol

Irony

2008-01-16T07:50:00.000-06:00

Ironically, the friend I wrote about called me yesterday (after I'd sent the letter! but before she got it). I guess we're ok. She kinda cajoled me out of a bad mood, interestingly.

I think the chocolate and it's effects is gradually leaving my body and I'm slowly beginning to feel a bit better and a bit more ambitious. We'll see how the day goes.

Good to talk with the girls and Megumi yesterday. I love Iris's new twist on the word "gramma"!--Grrrramma! She is so special!

Got more roses pruned and dad moved two bushes that we hope will flourish with more sun as they climb their way over the arch to the garden. We've finally gotten some rain--not enough but a bit to get things started. We need a couple inches more but this should make pulling weeds a bit better.

Today I will run the vacuum now that the new belt is installed and cook. I think I'll feel better then!

Peace!

Carol

How do you hurt a friend?

2008-01-15T07:27:00.000-06:00

How do you hurt--or not hurt--a truly good friend? One who loves you beyond all measure--or perhaps thinks she loves you no matter what--or is there something in your personal self she would not love if she knew the truth about you?

I really don't know. This friend of mine would smother me with her love and tries to. And I don't appreciate that. I resent it. I feel stifled by it. Yet, I do have feelings for her. I admire her work and her ethics--even if they're a bit too strong for me.

What do you say to someone who drives you crazy with her affection? What's wrong with me that I don't appreciate such feelings?

A good friend visited us recently and I did not appreciate her. The timing was bad and the visit too long. She wanted to help me but I didn't want her help. There were things I wanted to accomplish without her help. She didn't understand this. How do you explain privacy and ownership to someone? How do you tell someone to back off? That their intentions, as good as they are, are not appreciated?

And then, do I do the same thing? Do I try to do too much for people? Do I, in turn, turn off others by doing the same things she does?

How do we know what's appreciated and what's not? There are so many gifts I have to give and so few people who truly appreciate what I have to offer---this has been the pattern in my life and, it would seem, the pattern in my friend's as well. How does one find this balance? To give where it's appreciated; to hold back when it's not or even to know what specific thing is appreciated and what's not?

Some times I think it boils down to when to say "no" and when to say "yes". It's hard for me to say "no". I don't like hurting people and I want to be all things to all people. I want everyone to love me--not like--but love. Yet, I find that often when they do I don't always appreciate it--but some times I do! When do I appreciate it and when do they appreciate it?!

Difficult. Difficult. Difficult.

These are ramblings. But I'm glad I put it down on electronic paper!

Peace!

Carol

Trying to Gently Awaken

2008-01-14T07:24:00.000-06:00

The beginning of this new year has been hard on me and I've been trying to analyze the reasons, although I suppose in the long run, it really doesn't matter.

Of course, as always, I did too much over the holidays and that was complicated by long visits by two separate entities which cut into my usual holiday preparations. Sure, they helped around the house and tried to make minimal demands on my time, but overall, they were here and their being here hampered my ability to do things at my own pace. On the other hand, it did help me set deadlines and in some cases, I actually got more done in a more timely manner than I would have without these interruptions.

So what is the problem, really? The more I think about it, the more I think the problem is SUGAR!!! Being an alcoholic, I once relied on alcohol to drown out my sorrows and give me the comfort I felt I needed when I was stressed. Of course, the stress never went away, but I did find oblivion for a brief period of time. Gentle oblivion which I paid for dearly with relentless hangovers which caused me to seek more comfort; i.e., alcohol which would once again send me into oblivion which would, etc., etc., etc.

Well, I no longer drink and so my "solace" is gone but, of course, where there's a void, something else is going to creep in to fill it and the holidays offer many opportunities to fill that void with things that are not normally eaten on a regular basis--especially sugary things. And being the true alcoholic, one (cookie, pc. of candy, whatever) is too much and too much is never enough. It is beyond me to have one pc. of chocolate--I must have the entire bar or bag!

And, I've suffered for it mightily, not only in pounds gained but in attitude lost not to mention physical problems that begin to attend such binges including the headaches and general malaise heretofore attributed to hangovers!

So, what to do? I suppose the reason is obvious yet I truly do not want to face it any more than I wanted to face giving up those wonderful alcoholic beverages. But truth be told, I'm beginning to see that to remain healthy and in the best interests of myself and those I hold dear, sugar in the form of anything extra must be viewed by me in the same light as alcohol. How sad! How much I will miss it! It has been such a wonderful friend and comfort to me over the years! I do not want to do this!

But yet, I feel I must if I'm to live the kind of life I want to live.

Dear readers, please wish me well on this new path devoid of sweets. And encourage me not to stray even at the sweet upcoming holidays rich with temptations. There must be other addictions that are healthier if not tastier and I will try to find them to integrate them into my lifestyle.

Peace!

Carol

Continuing On

2008-01-09T07:05:00.000-06:00

After placing the very ugly meringue on top of the pie mixture, it had to bake for 30 min. -- now we're looking at 5 o-clock--it still had to cool before serving time less than 2 hrs. later!

Meanwhile, back to the meat mixture which was to be cooking for 45 min. Oh well, I could start on the cheese mixture--eggs, ricotta--not enough of that! so add in some cottage cheese! Oh yes, and an extra egg for good measure! Oops--need to cook the noodles! Thankfully, that doesn't take long and the meat mixture is finally done--in time for me to take the pie out of the oven--it's 5:30 now! and let it cool--no way it's gonna be cool enough and "set" enough by serving time so--nearly straight from the oven into the freezer!!!!! Makes the freezer more efficient you know!

Now to construct the lasagna--layer of noodles, layer of cheese mix., layer of meat mixture, top with mozzarella and repeat--but I don't like the way the layers look! why do they end with the meat mixture on top?! So I add another topping of cheese and put it in the oven. I'm exhausted! Have to sit down for a minutes and still have to get his gift together!

Luckily, my husband, has been very helpful in getting the table ready and it really looks nice complete with a fresh tablecloth! Wow!

A quick 10 min. break--got the gift together!--check on the pie still melting things in the freezer!--and start wondering about an appetizer--why didn't I pick up some avocados?! Oh well, imitation crab bits to the rescue--of course, no cocktail sauce--have to make one up quickly!

And then the guests arrive--Jenn, Benjamin and Jeff! Jeff looks spiffy in the new shirt and tie Jenn gave him for Christmas and is now clean-shaven after relieving himself of the beard he tried to grow over the holiday break. Does he look 39? Hadn't thought about it until now and I'd have to say no. He looks shiny! And like he feels good! Perhaps a touch of gray but that's hardly noticeable after a fresh haircut he'd treated himself to that day. His hair has gotten so dark! Not the blond boy I brought home from the hospital on a snowy January day!

Speaking of snowy January day--lasagna was always a good choice in Illinois when the temps could easily be in the teens or near 0 at this time of year--not so good to have the oven on when it's near 80 outside! But finally, everything was ready after Jeff opened his (approved of!) gifts.

I was a little nervous about the pie--but let it continue to sit in the freezer--as it turned out--another mistake. When I showed the browned barely-there and clumpy meringue to Jennifer she comfortingly told me that it will all ultimately look the same once it's in our tummies! Bless her!

Ok--the lasagna wasn't so bad--but I did taste the freezer burn--never do that again! And the pie? Well, of course, it had gone from being too hot to being partially frozen and quickly beginning to melt as it barely held up the candles put on it while we sang the traditional birthday song! But I must admit, it did taste good and our guests were happy to take leftovers home!

Lessons that should have been learned years ago? Don't rush and prepare ahead! Much of this could have been avoided if I'd started earlier--even the day before! Even at my age, I still forget perspective!

Meanwhile, on to other projects! Some deep down straightening with a goal to rid our possessions by 10% or more by the end of the year! The living room has been gone through and today I'll hit the back entry way/laundry room. The incentive of a group garage sale at the end of the month is helpful.

And then there's committee work and the SETA convention for which were hosting a couple that will completely involve the week end of the 18th-20th.

Oh--and there's a baby to be born and a couple of birthdays coming up.

BTW--we did end Jan. 7 with a call to Aunt Ruth in Indiana whose birthday is the same date--72 min. later we determined she is fine and as strong as can be for one in her mid-80s. Thanks again to Dad who was able to talk at length with her so I could doze for a bit!

Peace!

Carol

Gentle Readers

2008-01-08T07:43:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was interesting, if not challenging.

It was our first born's 39th birthday and I wanted everything to be just right. That means--clean house, perfect meal (lasagna, garlic bread, salad, key lime pie--perhaps an appetizer) and clean me! Well--the best laid plans..........you know the rest!

I did manage to clean the upholstery on the kitchen chairs--but they don't look like it! I know their clean by the amount of cat hair I scrubbed off of them but no matter the method I used, the stains remain. Since Jeff often comes here in dark suits--to be sure he remained somewhat intact I still covered the chairs with clean towels.

Vacuumed the best I could with a cleaner whose belt is broken--ah, well, at least it has good suction power!

Ran out of time. Had to go to a meeting and then pick up some last minute things from the store. Didn't get home until 3PM. Grabbed something quick to eat before starting on the key lime pie. Now where was that cornstarch!!! A 15 minute search finally netted the ingredient but it took forever to boil the stuff and there were other ingredients either not handy or not thought of! Meanwhile it had to cool--so on to making the merenge. The pie still had not cooled enough to top with the topping even after sitting in the freezer for a few minutes so on to the lasagna.

Luckily I'd purchased some ground beef a day or so before but the recipe called for sausage too so I (against my better judgment) pulled out an old packet of ground sausage to add to the mix. Now I have enough ingredients to make two lasagnas!

While the meat is browning, I decide the pie mixture is finally almost cool enough to top with the merenge. Big mistake! Somehow, the once beautiful topping had begun to separate and would not prettily sit on top of the pie mixture. No fluffy pillows of merengue! More like clumps!

To be continued!

A New Year Rant

2008-01-06T22:18:00.000-06:00

I love this time of year because it offers new beginnings. It's not that we can't start something new at any time of the year, but it seems most appropriate now or on birthdays.

There is so much I need to learn--not the least of which is how to say "no". Someone recently told me, "just because I say 'no', doesn't mean I don't love you!". I need to keep that in mind when something comes up which I "know" is not good for me.

Case in point: we had visitors (3 including my friend's 93 yr. old mother) the first week in November. The timing was bad for me but I couldn't say "no"--didn't want to hurt her feelings and as it turned out, I did anyway because I so much resented the visit and ultimately she picked up on that. Now, in retrospect, she never asked if the timing was good--she just made the assumption especially since she was doing something else in the area. And, actually, if she'd just dropped by, it wouldn't have been so bad--but they stayed for 10 days!

Approx. 3 weeks later, my brother came for a 10 day visit--leaving just 4 days before Christmas. I loved seeing him and in both cases, both visitors were extremely productive here and worked very hard helping us out in many ways. But Christmas is a very busy time for me and there were a lot of things I wanted to do. One or the other of the visits might have been ok. But the two of them together just about did me in!

My daughter-in-law--sweet as she is--always seems to want our visits to be longer than they have been in the past. So, against my better judgment (should have said "no" again!) I extended this latest visit to longer than I should have and it was a mistake. The problem with people you only see once or twice a year is that there is a tendency to try to cram 6 mos. of living into a few days and it just doesn't work. It's no longer a visit--it's living together. And living together with people you only see once every 6 mos. it not always easy and there are bound to be conflicts if the lines of communication aren't clear.

Once words are said, they can't be caught back. I surely wish there was an edit button on my mouth! But given the circumstances and the stresses I was under previously, I guess it's no wonder I wasn't more cautious. Keeping one's mouth shut for 10 days is extremely difficult!

But there surely were good times as well like seeing the ferries in Seattle while eating lunch (just like in Grey's Anatomy!) and hugs and tickle times with our beautiful granddaughters--we now can only play those tapes over and over in our minds. I will never forget how little Iris - not quite 3 yrs. old--brought my hand to her lips as we approached the airport and bestowed a gentle kiss!

Today, we put away Christmas! Slowly I'm disposing of things. Not as much as I'd like, but as much as I can and even if it's only 1%/yr. it better than nothing. Now for the rest of the house! If only I can give or throw away 10% of what's in this house, it will make my life easier!

Tomorrow is my oldest son's 39th birthday! How grateful I am to be alive for this! I get to make him lasagna and a key lime pie! His wife and son will get him a chocolate chip cookie cake! And I want to have the living room and kitchen cleaned up so we can all relax together!

My younger son said that perhaps cooking is my zazen--if that's so--I'll be in my element tomorrow!

Be well and happy!

Peace!

Carol

HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM THE PACIFIC NW

2008-01-01T09:30:00.000-06:00

Haven't been posting much lately because we've been visiting our son and his family in the Pacific NW and I hate typing on this tiny computer. But it is the new year-we celebrated several times last night as it fell into different time zones--and the need for renewal is present.

Everyone is still sleeping at this point so I have a few moments alone. I love this time of year--it brings me new hope and anticipation. Always a good opportunity to turn over a new personal leaf--the drawing of a line in the sand that says this is where the good habits start and the bad habits end. Of course, this can be done on any particular day during any time of a year but it seems more poignant for this, the beginning of my 65th year of life on this planet.

We have two more days here to collect enough hugs and kisses from our precious granddaughters to last until the next time we see them. But, there's never enough and my heart is already bracing for the separation. What a joy are these two tiny miracles!

I've been doing a lot of cooking while I've been here. 1: Cooking seems to be what I do; 2: it seems to be appreciated. Is there anything on earth more satisfying than feeding people and watching the expressions on their faces as they savor the flavors that cross their pallets? I love to do crafts but the most productive and life-changing ones are definitely the most rewarding. Sewing a dress or beading a new bracelet or earrings is fun, but satisfying a hunger with the addition of unexpected but wonderful flavors is beyond satisfaction to the creator.

Their kitchen is terrible! But I've found satisfaction in making it work for me somehow. Even produced unburned cookies this time--albeit on newly purchased cookie sheets! And producing enough for them to store in their freezer allows me to leave a few memories behind (how selfish and vain of me!)

New Year's resolutions are the usual and I will have time to reflect on them on the long ride back home on Thursday. I've missed my animals and my home but not so much that I haven't enjoyed the moments here. I believe Jordan is responsible for this--I think since reading his blog, I've learned to enjoy the moment more. Thanks, Jordan. Perhaps it is possible to teach old dogs new tricks!

I hear a morning cough and know there will soon be activity in the house as the inhabitants begin to awake to the first day of the new year--although they ushered it in but a few short hours ago! The stove awaits me!

Peace!

Carol

MERRY CHRISTMAS

2007-12-25T05:16:00.000-06:00

Christmas Eve service last night reminds me of so many other services I've attended over the years. Growing up in the Lutheran church and school, I remember practicing the carols and our various parts in the pageant for the big night. Those were very special times. A new dress and the anticipation of the Christ Child's coming. The swishes and swirls as we were all about to go "on" up in front of the church's congregation. Then afterwards all the good feelings one felt throughout the church and the brown paper bag gifts of fruits and nuts from the congregation to us, the children.

That was many years ago. My parents didn't go to church but they did send me to the Lutheran school. Looking back, I guess it was something of a sacrifice for my parents as they had to pay extra for me to go to that school and would have paid nothing for me to go to the public school. But they'd started me out in the Lutheran school before we moved to Roselle from Maywood and I wanted to continue.

Later, we did something similar. We rarely went to church and when our children came along, although we tried to give them something of a religious education, we fell somewhat short as could be summed up in the words of our youngest son. He was probably around 5 or 6 and had recently attended the school holiday program his brother had been in. I selected a church that had an early candlelight service so the kids wouldn't have to stay up too late. Jordan's eyes got big as saucers as he accepted his very own candle upon entering the church and even bigger as the flames were passed from candle to candle during the lighting ceremony.

As we passed by the minister to shake his hand, the man eargerly reached out to Jordan and asked him what he thought of the service. To that Jordan replied, "I really liked my Hannakah candle and I thought the Prime Minister did a really good job!".

Last night Benjamin, our 5 yr. old grandson, attended what was perhaps his first church service and his first Christmas Eve service and he was very good and attentive. But those words of wisdom didn't come out of his mouth (although he did tell us a gross story about all the snot that had come out of his nose and all over his pillow the night before due to his allergies!). Such is the stuff of which our lives are made!

Peace and Good Will to All!

Carol

2007-12-24T06:39:00.000-06:00

A MERRY TEXAS CHRISTMAS FROM OUR HOUSE TO YOURS!

This is a view of Santa's Wonderland's drive through lights. If you can't make it out, those are Texas sized boots on either side of the arch and you're looking at a car in front of us as they go through the lights.

Lloyd took these pictures. The display is truly spectacular and better than anything I've seen in Illinois for a paid showing.

We've seen our share of lights this season and are looking forward to seeing lights in the Portland area.

Just about ready for the holidays. Doing laundry today and last minute gift-wrapping and then, of course, packing! Animal care has been arranged but we'll miss our critters.

Plan to go to a Christmas Eve service tonight with the kids. It's been a while and am looking forward to singing the old hymns and hearing the message once again. The true meaning of Christmas--not just all the commercial hustle and bustle. Brings back memories of when I was a kid getting ready for the pageant wearing my Christmas clothes and feeling the fullness of the holidays. That's a feeling that's hard to come by these days--nothing quite like it.

Of course, here in Texas, it's not quite the same with the temps often being around 80! Still, the people are the same and the "reason for the season" still comes through.

So, Peace on Earth, Good Will Toward Men! Wish all the governments of the world would follow this axiom! I remember peace and it wasn't that long ago and sure wish we could have it back.

Meanwhile, in my own back yard I'll try to practice these principals in all my affairs.

To all who read this blog, my very best to you and yours and may you enjoy a wonderful Christmas season!

Peace and Love,

Carol

2007-12-22T07:00:00.000-06:00

Lloyd left yesterday and we already miss him! He helped us out so much and we learned so much from him! Chloe and Jake are better dogs for his visit! In the picture you can see Chloe in the background and little Claire (the dog we rescued earlier this year and gave to our neighbor, Linda Hale) is asking me to pick her up!

I made a little outfit for Claire to keep her warm during the colder months. Sweet little dog! Yesterday she wanted to come to our house!

Inadvertently missed Benjamin's Christmas program yesterday and really feel bad about that. Misunderstood the time and by the time we knew, it was too late. But it did give us more time with Lloyd and we walked the pasture before he left trailing animals behind us as they pestered us for treats. It's always good to be out there with them.

This morning Jeff and Benjamin will come over for breakfast and then Dad and I will go to our meetings. Still some last minute things to do for Christmas. Kids from the University are gone so traffic is lighter in town and the stores shouldn't be as crowded.

Contacted Tina Dumser and looks like they'll be free over the week end we'll be in Washington and we are welcome to visit. Denise has asked me to check out the nursery for her.

Now we can get ready for our trip. I was under the impression that we couldn't take wrapped gifts but apparently that's not so so that gives me a little more leeway and we'll bring gifts in our checked luggage.

Can't wait to see my little girls in their Christmas dresses! And it will be good to get back home and start cleaning up some of this clutter! And to get back into some kind of routine! Will miss my animals while I'm gone but looking forward to the trip!

Peace!

Carol

2007-12-19T07:29:00.000-06:00

It's been a busy time with Lloyd here! We're seeing lots of Christmas lights and he's taken lots of pictures of them!

Lloyd has gotten involved in lots of things here including dog training. Chloe is a better dog for it! He's been working in the garage with Dad as well and intends to work on the greenhouse too.

Sure wish we could have been there for Hannah's birthday but it was good to talk to her on the phone. She talks so grown up now!

About to finish a project for Evelyn. Paella tonight with the kids after a trip to the George Bush Memorial Library.

We're doing well and looking forward to our trip to WA!

Peace!

Carol

Lloyd Helping Out in the Kitchen

2007-12-13T07:54:00.000-06:00

Bowling today so I will be busy. So will Dad and Lloyd as they have a directive to get hay for the horses.

It's so nice having Lloyd around! So good to laugh together! And we can't stop talking! He helps out in any way he can and he and Dad are making great strides in the garage.

Packages are in the mail! Still lots to do but that's ok. Enjoying my life! Hope everyone out there is too!

Wish we could be there for Hannah's birthday but we can't. But we will be there Christmas night and maybe Santa will stop in on the plane while we're flying!

Gotta run!

Peace!

Carol

2007-12-12T07:03:00.000-06:00

I caved and went to bed early last night while the guys worked out in the garage. Don't know when they got to bed but suspect it was pretty late. Lloyd is so easy to talk to it's hard to stop talking!

Showed him around to some places yesterday including the miniature horse farm and Martha's Bloomers and then where Jeff lives. Then he pitched in with supper last night and made a wonderful sauce for the noodles that we had with salmon and fresh broccoli.

I'm up alone right now after doing Yee which I left out in case anyone else wants to do that today. About to start some coffee. Don't know if we'll be able to walk today. Looks like rain all around and it's cool at 50 with the high only 55 today. And yesterday we had the A/C on! Think I'll release the "guys" out to continue work on the garage and work on finishing Christmas projects inside today!

Am beginning to relax some and feel pretty good.

Peace!

Carol

2007-12-11T07:43:00.000-06:00

Blue-eyed Sky. Such a pretty little pony! Sweet and shy!

The weather here is so crazy! One minute we have the a/c on! The next we turn on the heat! Yesterday was dreary all day and today it's supposed to get up to 78! But still dreary.

Lloyd came in last night after a slight flight delay in Dallas. So good to see him! Gave him an outside tour but it was in the dark. Charlie surprised me by being on top of the compost bin! Why he prefers that to the safety of his littl chicken house is beyond me! But then maybe he knows that we can't always be relied on to close it up at night! Just glad he didn't fall into the compost!

Stayed up until 1 this AM so am tired. But good to talk to Lloyd. Got 90% the packaged out. Now we concentrate on cards and finishing touches on home made gifts. Dogs accepted Lloyd right away and he seems to have bonded with everyone here. Wonder if Delilah slept with him last night?

Yesterday was spent getting ready and trying to live with the excitement of seeing my brother for the first time in a couple of years. So good to see him!

More later!

Peace!

Carol

It's Getting Done!

2007-12-09T04:34:00.000-06:00

Merry Christmas! The spirit is beginning to set in as things are accomplished! The card is virtually done. Perhaps a little tweaking but hope to run it off today while other things are accomplished! (Like a Christmas dress and some stockings and getting ready for Uncle Lloyd's visit!)

Weather is unusally warm! at 4:30 AM it's still 72! But it looks like Lloyd will be bringing San Francisco weather with him so he should feel right at home!

Dogs barking this AM woke me up--Jake very anxious! The windows are open so they hear all kinds of things! But hate to close up the house any more than is necessary!

Made only one meeting yesterday and was glad to accomplish what I did by not making that meeting. We'll see what happens while Lloyd is here. His visit will be a priority.

Already beginning to think of goals for next year: MORE SERENITY! Really need to work on that!

Ready to go back to bed! Maybe get in a couple hrs. before Dad wakes up!

Peace!

Carol

Packaging, packaging, packaging!

2007-12-08T06:27:00.000-06:00

Why do we do this?! Each year I make up a ton of cookies and candy and then try to assemble it all into Christmas packages. It is so much work! I can't believe it! Worked on it all day yesterday and there is still more to do! More than 10 pkgs. to send out--maybe that's the problem--each with multiple packages in it. Thank goodness Dad is helping! Now I know why Harry and David and Figi's charge so much! Just hope they all arrive safely.

Too hot! 71 at 6 AM on 12/8! Incredible! but it's better than what it is other places and guess I'll take the warm over the cold.

Meetings today. Should go to a meeting tonight but won't because there's still so much to do. At least we got Hannha's birthday gift off to her. There'll be a little something for Iris too but want to mail that separately and want Hannah to get her's first. Also need to package things up for the family but that can be done next week even while Lloyd is here.

Very tired--maybe that's why I'm so grouchy. And Chloe barks way too much! May be another reason to close up and turn on the a/c???

Septic people came by yesterday and claimed our system needed cleaning AND that they'd been here before--NOT. Guess because of our location, we're easy targets--they seem to stop here and I don't see them going to other houses. We ended up calling the guy who did do our system a couple of years ago and it really did need cleaning but there could be a bigger problem--our lines could be blocked and it may be partially my fault for using the wrong kind of bathroom cleaners! Oh well! Bad me! He put in extra enzymes to shock the system to the tune of $325. Between that and driveway sealing that's an extra $700+ put out this month not counted on! Guess these people need Christmas money!

Feel like all I'm doing is complaining and that's not good but guess I needed to vent and that's kinda what this blog is all about.

Hope to finish the card today--took a look at more pictures yesterday and we have some stuff written down but think it will be simplified and cleaned up a bit compared to some years. Visits from people and seeing our grandchildren are what it's all about!

Dad just brought me coffee and I think a good shower will put me in a better mood but think I'm turning on the a/c==going up to 85 today! It's very "close" in here. Still need to finish stockings and have an entire dress to make! Would be nice if I could get those things done before Lloyd came!

Peace!

Carol

Should I send Rum Balls to WA?

2007-12-06T07:10:00.000-06:00

Just wondering, should I send rum balls (if there are any left!) to Washington?

Carol

Stress, Stress, and More Stress!

2007-12-06T06:40:00.000-06:00

Got a lot done yesterday--very hectic! But did find a place to put up the small lighted tree in the playroom and got down ornaments for Benjamin and Anna to decorate with. Later, Anna, John and Benjamin removed the wrappers for the candy kiss cookies while I went to the dentist.

The dentist took way too long! My one hour appt. ran over to 1-1/2 hrs.! By the time I got home, there wasn't time to call Anna back to help put the candy on the cookies--it was 5 PM by the time I was ready for that! Then still had to make dinner! And by then, Benjamin's mood had gone sour.

But did get the rest of the house fairly well decorated--at least as much as it's going to get! And some things are put away and the house is fairly straightened. Vaccuum cleaner not working well! And it's new! Bummer! Also worked on laundry but am still working on it this AM.

Good visit with Jeff and Jenn--especially Jenn. She tickles me! Snuck in some toffee to take home even though that wasn't on the list of things offered! But before she left, she did say how glad she was to be a member of this family! What a wonderful thing to say! Makes me feel like maybe we're doing something right!

Realize that with Millie and Lloyd's visits within the 6 wks. before Christmas, I'm trying to do 6 wks. of Christmas in 2 weeks and so the stress is understandable. Dad is beginning to help more. He'll pick up dog and cat food today so that will be off my list.

Bowling today. Then to bring June home and go back into town to shop and do some spying on the shop that's closing then report back to Jenn. Sales are down because the woman is closing out at deep discounts. In the end, Jenn and Jeff will prevail, but meanwhile it does put a crimp in things. I made up some of the earring kits she sells last night and hope to sell them today at Bowling.

Still working on stockings! They may be the last things in the mail. Hope to work on packaging things up and getting them in the mail tomorrow; if not tomorrow then certainly by Monday. Still have the card to do! Know I'll be able to work on some things while Lloyd is here but need to get the essentials done!

There's a Christmas party tonight but I'll miss it in favor of a good TV night. I suppose now would be a good time to have TIVO but then I probably wouldn't be able to figure out how to operate it anyway!

Gotta run!

Peace!

Carol

2007-12-05T06:55:00.000-06:00

Stubbed my toe big time yesterday! Really hurts like heck! Did Yee this AM but am canceling the walk. I can get around but the walk might irritate it even more and I need to feel better for bowling tomorrow!

One dress down; one to go! Am particularly pleased because I was a bit creative with this one (Hannah's) and jumbled up the pattern and did my own thing. The logistics of sewing have always been a challenge to me but if I can do my own thing, it might become more fun! Even made a slip without a pattern! Wow! I could be dangerous!

Still so much to do! Will pick up Benjamin today from school and he and a little friend will help me make the last of the cookies--the peanut butter kisses! Friday may well be a packing day!

The house is a wreck! Hope to work on it this AM--another reason not to walk--save my foot for what has to be done in the house! So little decorating in the house! Not like me. I love this house but it is not condusive to a Christmas tree and I feel bad about that! Have no idea where to put it!

Heard from Lloyd and everything is good. Wants to play in the kitchen which is great! I made up some pot roast (4 roasts!) and pork ribs yesterday to freeze and have on hand. Good thing I did as Jeff was looking for supper and had no idea as I hadn't heard from him! At least I had things made up!

Charlie really crowed up a storm this morning but still have no idea where he roosts at night! We set up the omelet but he wasn't in there!

Dad seems to be feeling better and I'm glad of that. I worry that he is aging too fast.

So much on my mind! So many directions to go! Gotta go!

Peace!

Carol

Anyway

2007-12-04T07:22:00.001-06:00

Pretty good day, yesterday. Got the toffee made. Started work on Hannah's dress. Interesting because the material is such it's hard to tell the right side from the wrong side. The dress will reflect that.

Nadja was very depressed and depressing last night. She just doesn't expect and feel anything good will ever happen to her again since her recovery from her addiction. The whole group was doing everything in it's power to cheer her but she blatantly said there was nothing anyone could do make her happy--she was determined to feel bad! How sad! What a terrible way to live your life!

I'm reprinting something here that I have as a magnet on my ventilation hood over my cook top. Most of the time I don't even notice that it's there but yesterday I read it and it made me feel so good. I hope the author doesn't mind my reprinting it here. If so, I apologize and will make a donation to whatever cause you designate!

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self centered. - Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. - Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies. - Succeed anyway!
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you. - Be honest and frank anyway!
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight. - Build anyway!
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous. - Be happy anyway!
The good you do today people will often forget tomorrow. - Do good anyway!
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. - Give the world the best you have anyway!
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God. - It was never between you and them anyway!
From a sign on the way of Shishu Bhavan, the children's home in Calcutta. Mother Teresa: A Simple Path. Copyright 1995 compiled by Lucinda Vardey (8 Paradoxical Commandments by Kent M. Keith, 1968 copyright 2001.
That's all for now!
Peace!
Carol

2007-12-03T07:01:00.000-06:00

Well, I've started my day by "releasing my inner groins" per Mr. Yee's instructions! (Love that phrase!) Dad and I did look at another AM Yoga tape by Lilias yesterday. He liked it and it is good but so slow! She spends most of her time giving instructions which is great the first time you go through it but I see no place where you just simply go through the routine! It took an hour! Way too long for me to spend in the AM. Yee's exercise stretches each joint gently in 15 minutes--20 if you do the relaxation first. It really starts my day off right!

Finished Project 3--just finishing touches now. This is the last week before Lloyd gets here and hope to begin finishing things up and mailing things out! Lots to do. Thinking of making the toffee today. I'll wait until Wednesday to make the Kissed cookies w/Benjamin and then I'll start packing things up for shipping.

House needs cleaning and the decorating needs to be finished inside. The outside looks pretty good. Want to take a picture but it was pretty windy last night! Can't believe we actually had the a/c on yesterday! 41 at 7 AM today with a high in the 60s. But it's back in the 70s in the next few days! Crazy!

Feel pretty good although a little tense about getting things done and falling behind. Oh well, will do what can be done and that will be it.

Lots on my mind and need to act on some of it! Looking for a productive day!

Peace!

Carol

2007-12-02T06:26:00.000-06:00

We picked up Benjamin from school and took him to Cici's pizza for lunch. That boy sure likes his desserts! Amazing that he is so skinny!

Afterwards, we brought him home to help us put up Christmas decorations and he was such a big help! He cheerfully got the toy soldiers out of the shed and really wanted the angel out as well which I hadn't planned on doing but am glad we did. I have to say that his visit was a real joy! Loved how he picked out things and where he wanted to put them--some times good choices and some times not but was very understanding and willing to make changes. Anyway, the outside of the house looks pretty good--the inside still needs lots of work!

Later we took him to his tai kwon do class--sure I've misspelled that! How interesting. He is one of three Tiny Tigers. The class is 1/2 hr. long and the teacher is very interesting. With these young ones, he teaches kindness, respect, and manners as well as self-defense. There is a tenderness and caring about this man as well that was quite evident as he gently disciplined. I'd say that although Mr. Pak's class is expensive, it is probably very worth it and have noticed much improvement in Benjamin.

Later we went out to eat with Jeff & Jenn and then went to the city park for a hayride and Christmas lights. It was a full day!

Yesterday involved with meetings and a little shopping. Trying to round up gifts. Tired when I got home and after resting mixed up 4 more batches of cookies--a double batch of biscotti, maccaroons that did not come off the foil well--probably should have buttered it first!--lemon drop cookies that will be made today and made some ginger snaps that turned out pretty tastey--actually made with bacon grease!

Today I'll try to finish Project 3 and try to get on to making Christmas dresses as well as baking the lemon drops and making the toffee. I've requested that we pick up Benjamin (another first!) for help in making the "kissed" cookies on Wednesday so he'll be here when his parent's come over for supper. That will probably be the end of the cookie baking and and I can start packing them up for shipping! That would be great! Meanwhile, there's a lot of work to be done on the Christmas card.

Weather here is awful--too warm! 72 at 6AM! I'm in shorts the 2nd of December! And humid too--might actually turn on the a/c when I make the toffee later! Bring on the cold! And the forecast isn't much better! Yuck! But it is better than the ice and snow they've experienced in Chicago! Guess I shouldn't complain!

Peace!

Carol

2007-11-30T06:47:00.000-06:00

Bowling: 142, 117, 140--399 total--just 1 shy of 400! Good for me but not good enough for the team as we lost 4 to our opponents who were in last place! Ah well. We don't come to bowl (obviously!)--just to bond with friends and go out to eat.

Munching came back with a vengence last night. Can't explain it. Had been pretty good earlier in the week but last night was shot. TV reruns--guess it's due to the writer's strike. Looks like new shows next week. We'll see. Did get some crocheting done.

Shop was slow yesterday. Did do some experimenting and made up a couple of bracelets and a pair of earrings. Good to see Liz. She's very nice. Jenn in a funky mood to which she admitted. Most likely due to the change in plans from being ready to gear up to that no longer being needed.

With business so slow yesterday and her expecting a former employee back today, I offered to stay home today which is good for both her and me. Thinking of asking if Benjamin can play hooky and help us put up outside decorations today. I'll call in a few minutes.

Looks like she has things pretty well covered for next week which is great as this will help me get more done for the holidays.

Jordan: there will be a pkg. of cookies--just be patient. Let me make them first!

Aside from our normal meetings tomorrow, looks like the week end will be quiet and hope to accomplish much. Next week will be busier,

Major breakthrough in understanding Jenn's Mom a little better last night and her handling of Benjamin. Really sad and wonder what triggered her original feelings. And makes me wonder why, under somewhat similar circumstances, I did not develop along the same path? In many ways, we're so similar but one thing that has always been important to me is that people respect me rather than love me. In her, it seems to have been reversed. I've always thought of her as the better grandmother (and she is wonderful!) but I do see things differently now.

Not much else. Very foggy here as temps rise. 56 now at 7 AM going into the 70s today. Could wish for cooler weather but I'll take what I have compared to ice and snow!

Peace!

Carol

Major is Back!

2007-11-29T06:35:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, Major, the old Boxer dog belonging to the new people who moved in across the street, was out. We didn't think anything of it--we've seen him out before and he's never left his yard. But yesterday he seemed to be wandering around and on several occasions during our walk, we tried to steer him back to his own place. No car in the driveway.

Bella (another neighbor's dog) came for a play date in our back yard (so glad Dad got it fenced--what a blessing!) and I let her out before I left for the shop around 11. Dad said that around noon, Major's mom came looking for him and that was the last we heard! Major was wheezing when we saw him and a 9 yr. old Boxer dog is old! So we were very concerned. Meanwhile, the car was gone again.

I made cookies when I came home from the shop (sorry, Jordan, no cookies in this pkg.--they weren't made before I mailed it!) but my concern for Major grew. So I sent Dad over with a few cc cookies for Major's mom after I saw the car in the driveway to ask if Major had returned. As we had hoped, Major and Bella had bonded and were playing at the end of our subdivision area--both safe from traffic and the train! What wonderful news! Why we should be so concerned over a neighbor's animals I don't know but we were and Dad managed to get their phone numbers so that we can call next time--although I don't mind sending cookies--they seem to appreciate them!

Mr. Yee's DVD would not be difficult to carry with on the trip. It is his AM/PM Yoga. I've only done the PM a few times and it is done by someone else. But Rodney's wake-up stretch is so good! I talked myself into it this morning reasoning that I would be bowling later and didn't need any more than that for exercise today but am so glad I didn't listen to myself as the stretching process feels so good and really does start my day off well! Every day I seem to be able to stretch just a tiny bit more. Although I think I have the routine memorized, his gentle reminders do help.

Worked at the shop yesterday longer than I expected. But it was good to be of some assistance to the customers. Jenn let me re-design a wall with reds, greens, silvers and golds and said she was pleased and it gave me something to do. She has some new beads that are absolutely amazing in their sparkle and low price! I'll probably spend my "salary" on some of them!

Jeff and Jenn had put in a bid on the other bead shop in town that is going out of business (the people are moving to Oregon!) but the bid did not work out although it was generous. As most do, the people have over-valued their business and the owner seems to think she could teach Jenn something--not likely--I've met Cindy and she talks more than she should and thinks she knows more than she does. I truly believe Cindy and her husband will regret turning Jeff and Jenn down but, in any case, her leaving will not hurt Jenn and I honestly don't believe anyone else can come in and do the job anything like Jenn is doing. Cindy is a beader who wanted to open a bead store. Jenn is a business woman who happened to open a bead store. The team of Jeff and Jenn are hard to beat!

Benjamin came over asking for shrimp yesterday! Unfortunately, that wasn't on the menu but I promised him some next week. He is getting excited about Christmas and wants us to put up our decorations (I told him we'd start Friday). Benjamin is growing up and I'm liking what I see.

Dad located a possible source for a new girlfriend or two for Charlie. These would be full size hens but the owner seems to think a banty rooster could keep them in line! Hope things work out. Charlie seems so lonely and doesn't seem to crow any more although our windows are closed with these cooler temps so maybe we're just not hearing him.

Supposed to be warming up today. 65 today and 75 by Sat. into the 40s at night. I can take that!

Cookie baking is coming along. Still have more things to make but will take some time out for decorations. Dad is cleaning up the front so the lights will look good when they're applied. Second project finished except for a finishing touch or two. Not much time to begin the 3rd project--might not be until Sunday--but am so far pleased. The second one turned out better than the first and hope the third one (the most important one!) will be the best!

Bowling today then at the shop from 2-5:30--which is closing. Good TV night so it should be a good day!

Peace!

Carol

Chloe's Graduation!

2007-11-28T06:36:00.000-06:00

Chloe graduated but wasn't too thrilled with wearing the cap! The teacher probably got the best picture, though. She did well but we'll wait awhile before putting her in the next class. She needs to calm down a bit more. When she got home, she and Jake terrorized Sabu. Maybe Santa will bring her a shock collar!

Helping out at the bead shop was good although it was slow which had it's advantages. Jenn had some exciting news to share. Scary in some ways. I should know more when I go in today. I am trying right now to remember not to get too involved and that I need to focus and what is best for me. Although I want to help my children, I can't be fully helpful unless I'm okay with me as well!

Managed to start Project #2 and got the Chinese New Year Cookies made! Couldn't believe I got 4 doz. of those done in 30 minutes! Today I'll try to finish the #2 project and work on getting all the Chocolate Chip Cookies done. That will be a project in itself but I should have the rest of the day with no place to go after the bead shop from 11-1.

Got up at 5:45 today and did the Yee thing. What a wonderful tape that is when I can convince myself to do it! A short series of exercises that take only 15 to 20 min. but addresses every part of the body and makes one feel good all over! Wonder if I should bring it to WA with me so I can use it there. I always feel so much bettter after these gentle stretches.

Speaking of WA reminds me that Megumi has mentioned a trip to Seattle. Wonder if that would be feasible at Christmastime? In other words, what will the roads be like and would the fish market be as much fun as it is in the summer? Also, I'm thinking that maybe Megumi would prefer a spa treatment? But what of Jordan? The girls? So many thoughts!

Goodie boxes to 10 families this year. I think the spiced pecans turned out pretty good and I might need more. If I get the cc cookies made today, perhaps I'll have time to also do the biscotti?

Tomorrow there won't be as much time. Bowling in AM and Jenn has me scheduled from 2-5:30. Friday should be light--11-1 again but, depending on what happened last night, the week end might be filled up with a major project for the shop. We'll see. Need to take one step at a time.

Friday night we'll likely join Jeff and Jenn and Benjamin to see the holiday lights in the park. One thing about this part of the country--they'll serve milk and cookies and give live performances for free! And the lights are always pretty.

However, there is a display that is absolutely outstanding not far from here but does cost a bunch! Maybe when Lloyd gets here it would be some place to take him although I have no idea if that sort of thing interests him.

Am getting kind of excited about his visit! My "little" brother! Wonder what he'll be thinking of his older sister (other than that she's completely nuts!) after his visit! Sure do love him!

Feeling pretty good right now! Thank you Mr. Yee! Ready to start my day!

Peace!

Carol

2007-11-27T07:57:00.001-06:00

Meetings were pretty good yesterday. Brought the pjs and the new project to after-care for feedback. The new project turned out ok but needs some tweaking but everyone thought it was pretty good. Hope to work on the second one this afternoon.

Made Dad's cookies--turned out better than the last time when Millie was here--didn't have anyone interrupting me in mid-add-in! Also made up some spiced pecans which I think I'll send out this year.

These packages will go to people who usually send us gifts from Figi's, Harry and David, Hickory Farms. What makes me think they'll be satisfied with home-made stuff?! But that's what I'm going to do anyway!

Walking a bit later today to accommodate Linda. She is so busy! Can't imagine having 4 kids (and home schooling them, too!) and living anything like a normal life! I'm sure her faith is what helps her get through it. Very inspiring person.

Charlie survives but don't hear him crowing much. Sure wish we could find him another partner or two!

Will be working at the shop from 11-1 these next couple of days. Glad I can help out. Gives me an incentive to be more organized!

Maybe I can get the Chinese New Year Cookies made today. Finals in "Dancing" tonight and then that show is over. Chloe "graduates" tonight. She's getting better about "down" now but still only hears her name when she wants to!

Got a good night's sleep last night so hope to accomplish much today!

Peace!

Carol

2007-11-26T04:40:00.000-06:00

I was awakened in the middle of the night by love bites on my mouth! I thought I was dreaming but then it turned out to be Sam who is on my lap now and continuing to love-bite my hand! He's asking to be fed but the affections of this 20# cat are interesting and touching.

Accomplished a lot yesterday, I think. Made up the spiced tea and sampled it--pleased that it could have stood more dilution and it would have been even better. Need to keep that in mind when I do up the directions.

Made progress on our Christmas lists (cards, gifts, etc.). Also made up the rum balls but think I may need to make up more. Ended the evening with peppermint bark--new recipe for me and can think of a better way to make it.

Worked on my new project. Frustrated with final results and hope a trip to Hobby Lobby will solve the problem. May have to re-do part of it to get what I want. But pleased that it can/should take much less time the second and third time around.

Dad's cookies are nearly gone so will probably start off with his today. Poor Dad, he is secretary on two different committees and struggles so with his duties. I relate; I am treasurer of one group and hate doing that, too!

Strange pain in my upper left back and can't imagine where that is coming from! What the heck did I do now!?

Down to 36 this AM heading for 60 later today. Didn't see Charlie last night. Hope he's ok. It's rained for 2 days straight and I know this is tough on him without anyone to snuggle up to!

Darby, Chloe and Jake all played in the mud yesterday and all got baths! Darby sleeps near me when he's inside. Every time I moved yesterday I felt like I was leading a parade!

Need to begin working on verses for the card.

Peace!

Carol

2007-11-25T08:46:00.000-06:00

Turkey soup didn't turn out to be too bad--a little bland perhaps. The turkey this year didn't have much flavor. Hope to work up a salad with grapes today. That usually turns out pretty good.

Not a bad day yesterday--although it did rain all day. That's ok. We could use it. The grass is getting greener! High of only 45 today but 62 tomorrow and 68 on Tuesday.

Darby is over now and the dogs all seem to get along pretty well running around in the yard. They say that Darby goes crazy when he thinks he might be going to "gramma's house"! Of course, they're all getting quite muddy now but we'll deal with that later.

Finished the pjs. Now on to the next project which will remain unmentioned here as I know someone who reads this blog and don't want to spoil her surprise! Hope I can get it to work otu well. If I can get these together, then it's on to Christmas dresses!

Hope to start some of the baking today. Want to include some spiced tea and spiced pecans this year along with the usual baked goods. May use up some of the special containers I've bought in the past for other things that just don't seem to be getting done. Meanwhile, these hang around getting dusty.

Hope Dad can help me with Christmas Lists and suggestions as well as to start collecting ideas for the card. If we can get all this done before Lloyd gets here it will be a bonus! Also told Jenn to schedule me as she needs me next week as her help as temporarily desserted her for other demands made on their time. The other bead shop is closing so it will be interesting to see if someone will buy it or if they'll just go out of business. Meanwhile sales are going well for Jenn. She does seem quite sad these days--lots on her mind. I worry about her and hope to help as much as a I can and still get my own stuff done.

I've noticed that when I try to concentrate on doing one things all day long I get very little accomplished. I do better when I can change up projects and give myself mini-deadlines.

Went to the meeting I was trying to avoid yesterday--things came up that convinced me to go and am glad I did--feel better for it. Dad said he'd like to continue to go to that one as it is a step study--but that will mean shooing Jeff and Benjamin out a bit early after breakfast--we'll see how this works.

Binged some more last night. I was fine until I started with the leftover pumpkin pie and then the justification that it was Sat. night and it was ok. Gained back 3 of the # I lost before Millie but hoping today will be the beginning of getting back on track. I think it can be done! And want to get it done. I surely don't feel as good as I did a few weeks ago when I was a big lighter and a bit better toned. To accomplish everything I want to get done I need to be in good shape!

Peace!

Carol

2007-11-24T02:50:00.000-06:00

Nearly 3 AM--full moon or close--I can always tell--sleeping becomes more difficult! But I will go back to bed soon.

Made Turkey soup and chunks and slices and divided between Jeff and Jenn and us. I may take some soup to Jenn for her lunch today. Don't know if we'll see Jeff for breakfast or not. Benjamin is in Copperas Cove.

Made some progress on Hannah's pj. Hope to finish it today.

A&M won their game against their top rival yesterday but doubt if it's good enough to save the coache's job. We didn't watch. Shopped during that time--stores not bad--Went to Wal-Mart--the big one in Bryan. Began picking up some stocking stuffers and ingredients for cookies--seemed to have some good deals--Sugar for $1.50/4# bag, same price for 5# of flour. Started pulling recipes for goodies to make. Want to do some things different this year. Just before checking out, the noise level in the store seemed to rise with the volume of customers. I took this to mean that the game was over and the Aggies had won and I was right.

Dad helped with some financial decisions and we actually had some good communication. Always this seemed to be on my shoulders. Good to share the job! Dinner at Casa Ole. If we eat out these days, for Dad it's always Mexican.

The peanut butter cups are gone so that may help. Started working on some veggies--might incorporate them into an omelet today. We'll see.

Hope to accomplish a lot today and tomorrow!

Peace!

Carol

2007-11-23T11:43:00.000-06:00

My eating disorder is in full bloom but I'm hoping the bloom will soon be fading. I can be much more analytical about it these days. If I weren't eating, I surely would be drinking! Which is worse? Eating is probably less expensive but the emotional toll is very similar!

Finished one pj and began work on another. Today I will dismantle the turkey and make soup and sandwiches. Hope to finish the other pair of pjs today and maybe even get out for a bit. We'll see.

I know I must be good to myself and sitting quietly or doing things I enjoy will be good for me. Don't know if I'll go to the meeting where much of this discouragement began last week. We'll see.

Good to talk to Denise on-line and that she's doing better.

Peace!

Carol

2007-11-22T03:56:00.000-06:00

It's 4 AM and I need to get back to bed. Went to bed early so no real sleep deprived. Have to get up fairly early to get the big bird in the oven. Jeff and Jenn want to eat around 1 which is fine. Then they are going to meet Jenn's Mom halfway in Cameron to transfer Benjamin so he can spend some time with his other grandmother.

Jeff helped dad put a fence around the newly planted onions. Eubee seems to be recovering from his surgery. Dad fed him apple cores and peelings from the results of the apple pie.

Watched a silly movie movie last night. Should look up to see what's in the que. Tonight will be a good TV night.

Temped dropped 30 degrees in about 3 hrs. yesterday. Very interesting to see the front move in.

Looking at my feelings. Still eating badly. Trying to analyze. I know I will be ok. Do believe meditation will help. Actually, sewing helps when it's pretty easy. Almost finished with the top to Iris' pjs. Interesting closure system. The pieces are so small my machine wants to eat them! Bad machine! I love the Janome for the up-top speed control and it's versitality. But I do believe the Viking is a better quality machine. And I'm not a good enough seamstress to be able to justify anything better.

Lots to do but think I'll go back to bed. Do believe I'm on the verge of another important breakthrough in my life and know I'll be the better for it. Looking forward to coming out on the other side. Meanwhile, a bit more sleep is in order.

Peace!
Carol

2007-11-21T06:47:00.000-06:00

I just finished reading Megumi's blog. Strangely, although at times sad, it made me feel better. Perhaps because it gives me some insight into her feelings.

Speaking of feelings, I've noticed that Dad really is upset about Clara's death. This is interesting for a number of reasons but I've come to one conclusion that might explain it: Dad's not drinking now. Before he could drown out those feelings. Any feeling--good or bad--was to some degree painful for him so he showed no emotion and never admitted that anything could be his fault. He does not like to take responsibility for his actions--it's always someone else's fault. This has been a theme throughout our marriage and explains some of my own feelings towards him. Like giving up on his really caring about anything.

I've been reluctant to help him deal with these feelings because I enjoy seeing them for perhaps the first time! I'm very sorry they cause him pain, but seeing his true sorrow is new to me. Parental death did not phase him. Nothing phased him. Now he feels! I'm hoping this can lead to better feelings overall. And perhaps make him more aware of his surroundings.

It is still difficult for me to look at Jake--the chicken-killer! And his reaction to the neighbors' dog--immediate dislike. I need to find the balance in him between his goodness and evil. I know it will come but it is taking time.

More eating last night but more aware of it and think I'll be in more control tonight. Did not accomplish as much as I wanted yesterday. Difficult day in many ways that could have been brought about by humid weather. Probably should turn on the air but am reluctant when I know change is literally in the air (a cool front is coming in with a high of only 58 tomorrow). A friend may bring her grandson over to ride Sugar--hope that doesn't materialize but have to be prepared for it. I really don't have the time to spare.

Made progress but did not finish one pj. Hope to have time to do it today.

Want to make the pumpkin and carmel apple pies for tomorrow. Although there will only be Jeff and Jenn and maybe Benjamin, pumpkin is traditional and Jeff requested the apple. The 20# bird will go far and we'll have lots of left-overs.

Still recovering from Millie's visit and am beginning to question my feelings. She feels (or at least felt) so close to me and I tried to push her away. Some times that happens with Dad too. Makes me wonder if I have a problem with anyone getting too close to me? How close is too close? I know I like a lot of personal space but feel lonely if I get too much of it. Very complicated. Something to explore.

Gotta run. Want to sew in sleeves before we walk!

Peace!

Carol

2007-11-20T05:10:00.000-06:00

Kinda down today. Noon meeting with my sponsor again admonishing those dually addicted to seek refuge in N/A meetings in an effort to try to keep AA pure. Those stronger than me were able to stand up to her. I just get discouraged as I feel an addiction is an addiction and I would offer AA as a comfort to those who suffer from those addictions.

At least I was able to bring it up in the after-care group and do a little venting with which most agreed. Felt a little better but still came home to binge a bit and know I'd be drinking if that was available to me.

In a situation where the faster I go the behinder I get! Feel so much pressure and instead of meeting it head on I feel my head is going deeper and deeper into the sand the result of which is that I'm getting less done and more behind. Somehow I need to snap out of this and get on with my projects.

Eubee will be a been-him by the end of the day and Sugar's teeth should be in better shape. Finally called the young vet that was recommended several months ago and he said he'd come out today at 2:30. That will also take up some time.

In a place now where I just want the world to go away. I want a suspension of time and a moritorium on the demands made on me-often demands made by myself. Not dealing with this very well at all. Going to ask Dad to take Chloe in today for her class.

Neighbors got a new dog but unfortunately got a male which is not good for Jake. As good a dog as Jake is this last chicken killing leaves him wanting in my eyes and he's very aggressive towards this new dog which does not bode well. I wish they'd gotten a female--that would have helped. Jake is spending more time in his shock collar.

I need a successful, fully accomplished day. Hope I feel better by the end of this one.

Peace,

Carol

2007-11-19T07:00:00.000-06:00

The week end was busy trying to get back to "normal". Meetings in the AM and PM. Discouraging group conscience in the AM with "oldtimer/hardliners" putting down the district's efforts in support of NY when NY themselves have urged stronger support of districts because that's where the work is done. Only 5 of us attended and I was the only dissenting vote--but I still felt at peace. Had done my best at explanations and voted my own conscience. Realize that as I respect their views I'm entitled to mine and know in the long run, things will work out as they should.

Came home to make cookies, mint brownies and a candy pizza to take to the gratitude dinner on Sunday about 100 miles away. As it turned out, Tim drove the distance in his new car so it was less tiring for us. The dinner was ok but I felt there was a lot of dead time and not enough spent on gratitude. Some good fellowship and the desserts went first! The peppermint patty brownies were a hit but in the end, there were no desserts left. People clearly needed something to do and eating seemed to fill the void.

If I had run it, I might have put the speaker first before the meal when all the blood rushes to your tummy and makes one sleepy. Her story was interesting and amazing when you hear what she was and how she is today and now dealing with substance abuse in grandchildren.

Got home a little earlier--still trying to recover from visitors and fell asleep during the movie. Much mindless eating and binging--so similar to alcoholism. Gained back nearly 2# but interestingly lost about 1.2 body fat--guess the continued walking helped and planting all those onions! Got up this AM determined to "get back on the horse" and began with Mr. Yee's tape. The stretching really helps and is needed--I can already feel the lack of it from their visit. Also helps a bit with meditation. I'll go to my meetings today and try to begin Christmas prep. Only Jeff and Jenn and maybe Benjamin here for T-Day. Angea and Dennis can't make it because his carotid artery is 90% blocked and he needs more surgery. But they're hoping Benj can come out to spend some time with them. Maybe next year.

Dad continues to work on the garage--seems inspired by our visitor's efforts which is good. Finally got some much needed rain! Rained all Sat. night. Good for the onions!

Charlie crows in the AM--wonder if he misses Clara. No response yet to my freecycle plea but our answering machine was full and perhaps we missed some calls. Will walk again this AM and try to begin some of my projects. Have stopped cooking for the after-care group--people weren't eating so felt my efforts were wasted. Lots of baking ahead. Have a 20# turkey and will make the traditional dinner Thursday but then it's into Christmas full swing. Hope to get decorations up next week end.

Hope all is well with you and yours.

Peace!

Carol

2007-11-17T05:24:00.000-06:00

They're gone. Dennis wouldn't leave until he'd finished rototilling a part of the garden so I could plant the onion sets and he'd shored up the greenhouse to prevent high winds from further destroying it. What a gem! He (although not feeling well) accomplishes more in 3 days what 10 in-good-health men can accomplish in 10 days! Incredible!

What's even better is that they seem to have inspired Dad. Even before they left (around noon yesterday) he was already beginning the sorting process that's needed to clear off his work bench and fixing the garage door! Sure hope that he keeps that up!

But Clara is dead. Jake and Dad killed her. She was a sweet little hen and I am devastated and my heart is sad as I hear Charlie (our only remaining chicken) crow this morning. I wonder if he misses her--do chickens have feelings? She used to snuggle next to him on top of the silver bin at night. Now he will be lonely and I wonder if we can get someone to keep him company?

This after Dennis built them a nice enclosure out of scrap skids. It happened after Dad unthinkingly left both gates to the garden wide open and Jake took advantage of the opportunity to charge in and scoop her up in his powerful jaws to rip her body to shreds. At the moment, it's hard for me to deal with either one of them. I know this is a natural instinct of Jakes and it's another sign of how unthinking and careless Dad is. This has happened before.

So Charlie is alone after at one time having a harem of at least 8 hens. This is the last one. Clara hadn't laid any eggs in a while and in the normal scheme of things she would have been soup some time ago. Still, she was plucky and a companion to Charlie. There are Cochan chickens across the street but they're the full size and Charlie is a banty. But perhaps one or two would get along if they won't pick on poor Charlie.

I did accomplish getting the girls' Christmas dresses and pjs cut out while Millie was here. Now they all have to be marked and I can start sewing. But before that, I need to make desserts for the grattitude dinner we're attending tomorrow in a new place in TX for us to visit. Today will be our usual meetings and I expect Jeff and Benjamin will be here for breakfast. Dad doesn't have school next week so I'm hoping he can keep up the momentum from Dennis' good work.

At least Dad understands more how Millie can smother me and how she always knows best (or thinks she does). She takes marvelous care of her mother who, somewhere deep inside) is still there in the empty shell of her body. What a sad, sad situation. To come to this after a full life. Although Ella always seemed to have something wrong with her--early arthritis in her hip, several hip replacement surgeries one of which left her nearly dead after an anesthesia error. Now she is a big floppy doll for Millie to care for. Makes one realize how fragile life is and how fortunate we are if our bodies are functioning with any kind of normalcy.

My computer is failing. I'm hoping Lloyd will be able to bring it back to life when he gets here. Also, Dennis put in a new phone line and it's very full of static. Not easy to talk on the phone. I think Dennis can do anything!

Need to start my day!

Peace!

Carol

2007-11-15T07:29:00.000-06:00

Dennis and Millie have discovered Dad's garage and have been working on it for the last few days! Poor Dad is a bit anxious but we've done our best to assure him it will be easier for him in the long run. There are actually paths to walk through it now!

Dennis righted the greenhouse we thought a lost cause! And it withstood yesterday's high winds so guess it's up for good now! The back of the house is almost together now now--finally after two yrs.! Dennis saved us some money by helping Dad with this too.

I am beginning to see that this place is more than Dad can handle. I don't know exactly what the problem is==physical or psychological--but it is something I need to be alert to. For me, this is the most wonderful place! I love every bit of it! But Dad seems tired all the time and unwilling to do all that is necessary to keep the place up at least not without assistance.

Part of it I think is because we made the unfair assumption that Jeff and Jenn would be able and willing to help us--I knew it would be too much for us alone. And although I think they are willing they simply are not able to help at this time in their busy lives. If Jeff's bank had not been sold, I think he would have been in more of a position but that was not meant to be.

I do think though that if I can't find a way for Dad to pick up the pace, we may have to seriously consider giving it up for something easier to handle. When I see Millie's Mom so faded away in the wheelchair, locked away in a nearly useless body, I wonder how far away Dad is from that.

Depressing thoughts but ones I need to think about. He's passed all his mental and physical tests so I wonder how much is mental. Discouraging but facts I must face.

Anyway, Millie and Dennis have decided there isn't a tool Dad doesn't have so he should be set in that dept.!

Gotta run! Maybe more tomorrow!

Love,

Carol

2007-11-11T07:34:00.000-06:00

Not so easy to post when there are other people in the house! But everyone is still sleeping so I'll see if i can get a short one in.

Prayer certainly does work and I think besides myself there are many others praying for me right now! Although in many ways, this visit has been very difficult, we did laugh and laugh hard last night--mostly at Dad's expense. We played Uno and for the life of him he couldn't figure out how to deal the cards dealing to the right instead of to the left! The first time he said it was because he was dealing with his left hand and the second time he insisted he couldn't be dealing in the wrong direction because this time he was dealing with his right hand! We all, including Dad, laughed so hard our stomach's hurt and tears were coming!

It's good, too, to have other people see Dad's foibles and to know that I'm not losing my mind! Dennis is so ambitious and even though he's not feeling that well, he can't sit still and is busy around the house all the time. Yesterday he scrubbed their bathroom and laundryroom's floors not to mention all the work he's doing outside. He's taken apart some skids to build roosts for the chickens and uprighted the blown down greenhouse which had been demolished by winds over a year ago! Yesterday he got Dad to begin digging holes to more permanently anchor it in the ground which, of course, should have been done the first time they built it.

The weather has been good but rain is in the forecast for much of next week so they're working outside while they can. We need the rain and although it would be nice if it didn't rain all the time, we could use a good soaker.

We've met the people across the street and he is a major in the Marine Corps and acts like it with stern discipline. A flight instructor--flies helicoptors--he will be going to Virginia for a yr. and then N. Caroline for 2 while his wife goes to the vet school here. Three horses are on the property now and likely at least one more will join them as she's looking for a room mate who will likely bring another horse to the land. She seems young and very nice and very pretty. He's not bad looking--can't guess his heritage but he is dark complected but with a last name of Scott. But don't see any Black or Mexican in him which I find interesting. Genetics have always been fascinating to me. In any case, we think they'll be good neighbors even if we won't see very much of them--they did appreciate the pot roast I sent over.

We toured the Blue Bell Ice Cream factory with Millie, Dennis and her mom. As always it was very interesting and they were very generous with servings of their product at the end of the tour. And it's true--their employees can eat all the ice cream they want and then they sell the rest!

It is so sad to see Millie's Mom and makes me feel try to learn some lessons from this. Although I don't remember her Mom ever being particularly healthy--she had polio when she was in her teens and has had several hip replacement surgeries. Today, at 93, she is almost totally incapacitated sitting in her wheelchair with her head down and her nose constantly dripping virtually completely helpless. If she thinks about it, she can wipe her nose, but most of the time Millie has to do it for her. She can feed herself some but mostly has to be fed and cannot go to the bathroom without help from both Millie and Dennis nor can she get up or lay down in bed without assistance. There is absolutely no muscle tone.

Interestingly, she can apparently hear pretty well but is virtually blind. She spends her limited time awake sitting in her wheelchair looking downward in a hunched over position. She can and does sleep as much as 80% of the time. Millie insists that she has a good quality of life but it's hard for me to see it. Of couse, what else is there to do? Although she herself may want to die, these decisions are not always left to us and how fortunate she is to have Millie and Dennis to make her life as comfortable as it is.

Made my meetings yesterday and renewed the support I needed for this time period. Tim was there--the young man who makes my heart sing every time I see he's still in recovery.

Gotta run!

Peace!
Carol

2007-11-09T07:17:00.000-06:00

Bowled ok yesterday: 116, 115 and 139. Team took 2 out of 4--thought we were going to lose all 4 for a while. Good to be with group and share my situation with them. Afterwards ate at Fish Daddy's--always good.

Things are going ok at home. Good to talk to Megumi and to hear about the girls. Love them all so much!

Did manage to make some decisions about fabric and patterns for what I want to make the girls for Christmas and started cutting out pattern pcs.--prep is often half the job so maybe I can get that done while Millie and company are here. Millie immediately criticized some of my fabric choices for some of my projects. And I'm sure she doesn't even realize it.

Without trying to be unkind, her mother looks half-dead. Never looks up and has to be fed and taken to the bathroom. In a wheelchair and sleeps nearly 75-80% of the time or at least looks like it. Don't think Millie sees how bad it really is although she knows it's bad. It's like you're looking like a shell -- somewhere deep inside might be a remnant of a person but it's hard to believe that the person as a whole is enjoying herself. Sure hope that I never get to be that way and that if I do someone has the good sense to put me out of my misery.

Millie professed her love for me today and will hardly let me pass by her without giving me a bear hug. This is so hard for me when I don't feel the same and don't want to hurt her. No matter how I try to give her the message as gently as I can, she won't listen. Even when I try to be critical and point out things that she's doing, it goes over her head. Another week of this.

But I will walk this AM and we'll try to do something together today although how to do it with this situation is beyond me at this point.

So glad Jordan will be home today--I know his familly has missed him and can't wait to see him again!

Peace!

Carol

2007-11-07T07:03:00.001-06:00

Not a lot to report. The house is cleaner than it's been in quite awhile. Always more to do but just a few finishing touches this morning before they get here will probably be good enough.

Good day yesterday. Temps dropped. 55 this AM. Had rain yesterday which we badly needed. Tried to walk but finally gave in to the drops. But got more done. Chuck came by and helped dad finish trimwork around the doors so the place looks even better. Millie and Dennis have asked for a list of things so maybe while they're here they can help dad put in the new medicine cabinets and build some drawers for the vanity. That will open up my bathroom even more. Of course, we never have gotten around to the blackberries--at least not all of them--they need weeding and trimming out. ARound here, there's always something to do! Oh! And some lavender plants came in so I guess it's time to plant those now.

Maybe there'll be more to talk about tomorrow. Gotta get ready for my walk now!

Peace!

Carol

2007-11-05T06:45:00.000-06:00

Small weight loss last week--.8#--still, overall, 6# since I started a new lifestyle on 10/14. What's particularly significant to me is that last week I didn't try that hard. Or maybe it's just getting easier? At least I'm no longer binging on whole chocolate bars or whatever else is handy. Even at Olive Garden I really filled up on their wonderful salad and couldn't finish my meal--let dad have some of my steak and the dogs got the rest of the pasta! Came home and later had some pecans, cheese and yogurt--I think the yogurt helps me sleep.

Did some deep cleaning yesterday which wouldn't happen except for Millie's upcoming visit. Feels good to have the house looking better. It will never be all done but at least a layer or two is lifted. Cleaned all the lights in the eating area and got after spiders in the windows. Today will be kitchen work and getting their beds completely made up. Hopefully I'll be able to get some work done in my room--saving the best for last!

Went down to 58 last night. Supposed to be 85 today but a high of 65 tomorrow! We need rain. Walked the pasture last night and realize we have to start being more regular about getting out more hay on a daily basis. Maybe Dennis will appreciate helping Robert picking up another round bale while he's here. It's quite the process and Robert can always use help.

Talked to Millie yesterday and they seem to be traveling well. Were near Ft. Worth yesterday where they will spend the night and bury her aunt's ashes before going on to New Braunsfels. They'll head for here Wednesday after exploring that area. The 2-1/2 extra days will make a big difference on how I feel about their visit and how ready I'll be. And then knowing they won't be able to stay quite as long. She says she wants to watch me bowl--that will be something! I bowled so lousy last time! Oh well! We'll play it by ear.

Gotta get ready to walk!

Peace!

Carol

2007-11-04T05:38:00.000-06:00

Not much new to report. Hard to believe it's Central Standard Time but got up at our "regular" time.

All the doors are in including the new, wider, bathroom door in our bedroom. Now we do have holes in the floor where the old, smaller door had been. that will have to be dealt with but something that can wait until next year. Not sure what we'll do--cover it with carpet (where do we get the carpet?) or new flooring for the bathroom.

Speaking of flooring--we weren't real thrilled with the Pergo we put in on Cedar Lane. Of course, that was some time ago--more than 10 yrs. Maybe they've improved it. It scratch. Something to think about is that it does up the noise level especially if you're replacing carpet. Carpet does keep the noise level down. But it would be attractive in a living room.

Thought we'd go to something like that when we moved in here but am having second thoughts now. Not sure what I'd go with. A trip to Home Depot or Lowes might bring some ideas. Tile and wood flooring are also cooler on your feel but some times that can be overcome with area rugs. Tough call. At this point, cheap carpet might still be the best bet.

No word from Millie so hope they got off to a good start. Will give them a call later today to see how far they've come. Still going into some fits of despair regarding her visit and her critical eye. Can hear some of her stubborness and criticism of my less-than-perfect lifestyle and it will set me off.

Made the pot roast yesterday. Still want to make spaghetti sauce and freeze that. Lots of clean-up today--dusting, taking care of spider webs (lots of those). Got the covering on the futon washed yesterday and actually put it back on myself.

Good meetings yesterday. Aggies lost--badly! Think the coach will be looking for a new job next year!

Beautiful weather here! Dry and cool at night and warm during the day. Perfect. I do believe, despite the heat, we do have more good weather overall than up north. And the sun definitely shines more. We haven't had to have the heat or a/c on now for over a month! That's a savings too. And our tax bill came and it's less than $2,000 which is a third of what it was up north! And we have three times the land!

Not much else today--sorry it's so boring. Maybe something interesting will happen today.

Peace!
Carol

Making Progress

2007-11-03T07:00:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I was able to clean up the guest room. It had become an extra closet and things were being tossed in there when we were too lazy to make a decision to put them where they belong. So many boxes! We save boxes because it seems we're always shipping out something to someone and Christmas is coming so that means more shipping! Was able to limit the number and broke down enough to warrant a trip to the recycling center.

Changed the linens on the bed and did some major dusting. The window is terrible and the view into the former cat room now turned storage room is awful!

Most of the hardware is on the doors thanks to dad. Chuck is coming this AM to install the remaining closet door. We'll wait for the final bathroom door until later. Maybe Dennis will want to help with that or we can have it done after they leave.

Took ourselves our for lunch/dinner at Ozona's and then did some shopping stopping by the mall to see if my glasses could be improved. They can't--permanently scratched. BUT they're having a sale and I can get a completely new upgraded quality lenses for $179--which is quite a deal considering I have no-line tri-focals. And the frame will be smaller which I like. Goes nicely with my new hair which I also like.

New neighbors are moving in. The dogs have noticed! We want to make up a card with our pictures to welcome them and maybe make them a meal. They have a big camper on the property--Franklin "The Mayor" will not be pleased! Wonder how long it will take him to make his presence known! The trains seemed particularly loud last night and since they're closer to them than we are wonder what they thought of that!

Jeff and Ben come for breakfast this AM and then the meetings. Will stop to do some shopping and then home to see if we can get curtains up on the French doors and continue cleaning. Tomorrow will try to do all the main cleaning to be ready. The rest of the time will continue cooking and work on my room. Rain is in the forecast which we need but hope that doesn't interfere with their trip.

The festival they're going to is some sort of weinerwurst festival--guess it goes on for a while. It would be nice to attend some time but not now. Maybe we can allow a day to take them into Galveston. So much to do between now and Christmas. Began Christmas shopping yesterday and found some things for the Unity Conference gifts I'm collecting for in February.

Overall a good day and we're both feeling better from our colds.

Gotta run!

Peace!

Carol

2007-11-02T06:38:00.000-05:00

Two headed calves?--not really--just two calves from two seperate mothers lying side by side and end to end across the street from our house--as curious about what I was doing in taking their picture as I was about them!

Bowled awful yesterday but guess I'm getting some sort of award for my 189 game a few weeks ago. Team lost all 4 games but only two of us made it in to bowl. Don't know where Frances was but know Mary was attending a funeral.

A reprieve! I was able to divert Millie and company to a festival in New Braunsfels before they make their way here and encouraged them to check out the area including San Antonio. That puts their visit back until next Wednesday. which means they shouldn't be here much more than a week. What a relief! This will be much more tolerable and I think I can handle it better.

Still have some remnants of the cold and so does dad but we're both doing better. Linda won't be able to walk today but we'll do a shortened version with the dogs--they love it so. Will try to get in another round of "ping pong puppy" today with Chloe. Dad let them lose in the neighborhood yesterday--knowing I wasn't around to disapprove--and they came back happy and dirty! Chloe wouldn't go outside this morning until she said hello to Dad. She really is sweet if not overly energetic.

Went to Charles and Sue's--the beauty school--and got a perm. The main problem is that it does take longer because the student has to check with the instructor as she completes each process. But I am pleased with the results and especially the bill--$22.50 as oposed to $70! The $5 tip I handed the girl was well worth it! I will go back!

Plan to work on clearing/cleaning the guest room. One thing nice about having company is that the house gets cleaned up! Dad's still putting hardware on doors and two doors still need to be hung. One will get hung tomorrow and the other may have to wait awhile.

Wondering how Jordan's house guest is liking America and especially Halloween?!

Peace!
Carol

Spooky Sight

2007-11-01T07:12:00.000-05:00

What a Spooky Sight in front of one of our new doors!

Thanks! Jordan and Megumi, for the pics of the girls. Hope they had fun in their costumes! There sure was a spooky figure sitting next to them on the porch! Weren't the girls scared of him? Wonder how many trick or treaters had enough courage to approach him?!

Wonder what your visitor thought of Halloween?

Six of the eight new doors are in! And what an amazing difference it makes in the hallway! Really brightens it up and even though I eventually intend to paint the woodwork to match, the contrast with the stained woodwork makes me think twice about it! We'll see.

Two more doors to go and the project is finished. It may be that when Dennis gets here he'll be able to help with that too. There's always something to do around here!

FYI--the blouses on the girls' costumes were meant to be tucked in but they look cute as they are!

Bowling today and then my hair! And then to get busy and try to straighten up this mess. Hardly know where to start! But probably should make the guest room a priority. Don't know when I'll get home today--want to do some shopping as well so once I leave at 8:15 it will be very busy.

Played ping-pong puppy with Chloe last night but she's pretty smart. She quickly figured out that all she had to do was run back and forth between Dad and me and she'd get a treat so she didn't wait to be called. The same way with the frisbee--she's pretty good at getting and returning it but soon realized that Jake was bigger and faster so she'd let him get it and bring it close--then grabbed it away from him to bring it to us!

We need to capture that intelligence!

Those patches that Megumi left here are magic! Once I took it off yesterday I barely noticed any pain! Might put one on just for insurance today. Cold is better too. Think Dad's has improved but he woke up with a pretty gravily voice this AM. He's got a lot of hardware to put in the doors!

Gotta run and get ready!

Peace!

Carol

I Will Offer Them My Head!

2007-10-31T06:53:00.000-05:00

?, Sugar and Cube at our fence last year.

I think both dad and I have colds. Down here, it's hard to tell if it's a cold or an allergy, but I think these are colds. Maybe that's why my shoulder hurts so much--maybe my cold has settled there.

We found some Japanese patches Megumi had left back when she had Iris. They're still good! We opened them and Dad put one on my shoulder yesterday and findally got some relief from the pain. THANK YOU Megumi!

Chuck is coming here today to help Dad hang most of the doors. We need to get them out of the guest room so that Millie and her Mom have a place to sleep! Then I have to clean the guest room!

Today will be busy. I will make county ribs for freezing and also some teriyaki chicken. Those will be stored in the freezer for use when Millie gets here. Plan to fix a pot roast for them for when they arrive on Monday. Told Jenn I'd fix paella for Wednesday when we all get together.

Want to make a crystal watch today and get that to my friend tomorrow. Then cleaning up/organizing my room. I made an appt. with Charles & Sue's School of Beauty to offer my head for a haircut and perm. These are students with supervision and, hopefully it will cost a lot less than the $70+ they ask for in a regular beauty shop. I hate paying that kind of money for someone to work on my hair!

It's Halloween. We generally don't get trick or treaters but Benjamin is coming in his Venom costume. I'll have something special for him. Wish I'd put some more thought into that for the girls--the disadvantage of them being so far away. Wondering if their costumes fit, if they like them, if they're able to wear them, how do they look in them? Sure wish they could live closer to us. Can't wait to see them!

Gotta run!

Peace!

Carol

2007-10-30T07:18:00.000-05:00

When they say things are bigger in Texas, they really mean it! The RenFaire here is HUGE! At least as far as space is concerned. Easily 3-5 times as big as the one in Wisconsin. Set on 53 acres, there were three gardens in the center we never had the time or energy to visit! The jousting arena easily 3 times the one in Bristol.

The vendors were about the same; just a lot more of them. Same for the food. Did miss the corn--the corn is long gone by this time of year down here--matures in June, I think. And then, generally, it's not the good sweet corn we're accustomed to in Illinos. But they still had turkey legs--Jenn really likes those. We saw Ded Bob and the Mud Show--might be the same actors in the Mud Show--disgusting as always. I keep hoping that it's really chocolate frosting they're diving into but I'm afraid it's not!

Jeff and Dad and I agreed that although the faire is bigger it's not necessarily better. With that much space, some of the intimacy is lost. The musician's, for instance, are barely noticeable--the sound only carries so far. And the commarderie is lost a bit. But, if the opportunity presents itself, we'll likely go back next year. Dad and I did go in costume but I do need to find more comfortable shoes. Still--five hours is probably enough. Next year, I'd like to visit some of the gardens.

Millie's pending visit has me in a tizzy. It's a love/hate relationship I have with her and am trying to analyze it. I know she's a good friend and would do anything for me--wish she didn't like me so much! When she left the last time she came down here, she kissed me on the lips! Yech!--no woman has ever done that to me before and there was no way I could avoid it! I'll be better prepeared for it this time!

Her visit is one thing, but the length of time is another. 10 days or more out of my life juggling temps in the house to accommodate her mother and eating 3 meals a day whether you want to or not! Plus there's so many things I want to do to get ready for Christmas and just don't know how I'm going to get it all done!

Once they're here, I know they'll be generous with their time and money and will work to help us do things around the house that need doing. I shouldn't complain. But----I do! Not sure if it's her 90+ yr. old mother who is fast failing or Millies black and white attitude or just what it is but I've been complaining a lot since I found out she's coming and am not easy to live with.

One thing I know I must do is to set boundaries--I will continue to go to my meetings and walk in the AM at the very least. And then there's bowling and the puppy training class--that will almost be a relief!

Made deviled egg "eyeballs" for the group last night as well as lunch meat fingers with red grape tomato "fingernails". Seemed to be appreciated and enough leftover for my supper!

Hi today of 78 and 82 tomorrow before dropping back into the 70s -- hopefully for good. Plan to work in the garden as much for therapy as anything this AM after our walk and then to cook up some stuff this afternoon--maybe get a head start on next week if nothing else. Picked up some wine vinegar--tempted to pick up some cooking wine but thought with the upcoming stress that might be a much too tempting!

Peace!

Carol

2007-10-28T07:06:00.000-05:00

Nadja and her daughter were happy with their goodies so that started the day off well.

Able to get some things off my chest in the meetings--feel sorry for people who can't go to meetings like this and unload!

Listened to my sponsee's 4th step. She did well and seems to be doing well.

Millie called last night. She and Dennis and her Mom will be here 11/5 and staying until 11/14 or 15. Her Mom is failing. She's 90+. This will all be a challenge for me in trying to get things done before Christmas but will do my best. Maybe Millie and her skills can help. When they were here last year, they did a lot to help around the house and have to keep all that in perspective. Meanwhile, there are 7 doors in the guest room and hope we can get them all hung and out of there before they get here! I'm accepting all prayers and good thoughts! So much to do between now and their visit and between now and Christmas!

Even though I'm feeling very bloated right now, I did manage to lose 2# last week. Don't feel that great and my meditation and exercise were off because of some pretty intense pain in the right side of my chest and shoulder. That seems to have dissapated so hope to get on the "bandwagon" again next week.

RenFaire today. Hope Jenn can get into the spirit of things. From the web site, looks like the TX faire might be bigger than the one in Illinois. We'll see. Kids coming over at 9.

A&M lost yesterday but played a good game. Still, Coach Fran is in hot water and a loss does not bode well for him!

49 degrees at 7:30 AM with high of 78 today. Should be great at the Faire. Same temps throughout the week -- no rain in sight. Good working weather--go0d-to-be-alive weather!

Peace!

Carol