WHAT'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!

My husband and I celebrated our 45th wedding anniversary this week end. We "escaped" to a place in Wimberly, TX called Creekhaven Inn. I'd highly recommend this spot and will consider giving gift certificates to our kids for special anniversaries in the future.

Peaceful and quiet, our room was upstairs on the end. Looking at their online brochure it was hard to make the "perfect" room selection. As it turned out, we might have inadvertently made the best choice as our room was on the end and we were singularly left undisturbed with perfect views of deer running through the property both early in the morning and at dusk.

The property features a 1,000+ yr. old bald cypress. And there's the tinkling sound of a creek that runs through the property that I'm sure is much more interesting when there's more water in it. What I thought was particularly interesting about our stay there was the people we met and to discover we were one of the very few couples there who were married! Let alone married for as long as we have been!

We spent our time taking as many back roads as we could to achieve certain destinations. A trip down the road to a Bonsai garden had us purchasing a small tree and a beautiful Texas agate pendant. A trip into Fredericksburg allowed us to taste good German food and experience local shops. My husband enjoyed the Pacific War Museum and I enjoyed local crafts people. Ironically, although we had separated for each of us to go our own way knowing we had our cell phones to communicate when each of us was finished with our respective "tours"--we met up in the same store without ever punching a number on our cell phones! Suddenly, I looked up and there was my husband! He said it was karma! And I wonder.

We found each other through letters--pen pals for five years before we married; four before we met. No--it's not been easy. Somehow we've persevered for 45 yrs. I'm sure we both wanted to leave the marriage on more than one occasion--I know I sure did!

Amazingly--especially for this day and age!--neither one of us has had physical affairs. That's not to say we haven't had fantasy ones--but for whatever reason--perhaps deep-seated values or vows we took more to heart than we thought we had, we've remained physically true to one another. Constancy like this is somewhat rare in today's world, I think. I suppose some people might even call it stupid not have have pursued other interests as they'd presented themselves in the thought that something untested might have made us happier--at least for the moment. But we've never ventured out further than the edge of our minds.

Yes, some times it's been boring, frustrating, infuriating!, upsetting. But always, it's been there.

As I downloaded the pictures from my camera into my computer this morning, the next step was to FIND them in my computer an often frustrating task! But then I found, when I thoroughly examined what was on the screen directly in front of me, the solution was right there--I just hadn't looked in that particular spot!

Maybe that's the way our marriage has been and why it's lasted. Somehow, some way, we've always known that the solutions have been right in front of us if we only continued to delve; continued to search within ourselves; within our hearts; within the boundaries of our marriage. Is this a romantic, delusional way to look at it? Maybe. But how can you argue with 45 yrs?

Peace and love,

Carol

CHEERFULNESS

"Cheerfulness keeps up a kind of daylight in the mind and fills it with a steady and perpetual serenity" - Joseph Addison

That's today's lesson and I'm taking it to heart! No question that when I make up my mind to be cheerful and positive, my day just seems to naturally flow in a better path!

I have much to be thankful for, not the least of which is being able to celebrate my 45th wedding anniversary tomorrow! A lifetime has been spent in the last 45 yrs. Things have changed for better and for worse. My husband and I have grown up and grown old--well--old is more a state of mind and if that's the case (since I've recently started painting my fingernails and even putting cute little stickers on them!) I'm probably going through another childhood! Hopefully new and improved over the first one!

My husband and I have given ourselves any number of gifts on our anniversary (or not! in some cases!) depending on how we felt! But there's no question that the greatest gift we ever shared together was going to the hospital on our 9th to give birth to our second son (who is the inspiration for this blog!). This is not to slight our first son who was born 4-1/2 yrs. into our marriage but you can't beat an anniversary gift like having a child!

We'll celebrate by "running away" this week end--in fact, we'll leave shortly after the animals are fed and we're packed up. We'll drive in leisurely fashion (set the navigation system to avoid expressways and toll roads!) and arrive at a bed and breakfast about three hours away. There we'll loll around on high count bed sheets and lounge on a private balcony that overlooks pretty scenery. We'll stroll into town or take short trips into interesting venues nearby and come back to loll around on high count bed sheets! (We're not taking any birth control so I hope I don't come back pregnant!) (Are you blushing, Jordan?!) At ages 66 and 71 (and with half my body parts missing!) -- now that would truly be a gift from God!

All kidding aside, we intend to have fun and while I'll miss my computer it will be good to take a break from it for a couple of days!

When I return, I'll continue to write "words of wisdom" on Monday!

Peace and Love!

Carol

CONCEPTIONS - PER- AND MIS- PART FIVE

The thing about pent up emotions is that eventually they have to be released one way or another.

I was really riled up about the driving experience, but when I got to my son's house, his wife was experiencing heart palpitations so I thought it best not to say anything. My son and husband were off on some jaunt so there wasn't the opportunity to vent there, either. In any case, I kept quiet until the next morning when I laid it on my husband! I thought that would be enough. Turns out, it wasn't!

As I started to discuss the next day's activities with my son, the events of the previous day came spewing out of my mouth. Now here's where I got into trouble!

In the process of relating to him what essentially made up the previous four posts, my intent was to impress him! And I apparently did but not in the way I intended (conception/preconception/misconception)!

My intention was to convey how bravely I'd tackled the situation; how I'd boldly faced the dragon car, the monster traffic, the inscrutable expressway! All these challenges previously related--I had SURVIVED! And CONQUERED! I'd gone into battle and WON! I'd PERSEVERED and returned my precious charges unscathed--and now I was a better person for it!

As I spouted out my tale of ultimate victory I was ready for the next challenge and (quite frankly!) a bit of a pat on the back! Now I had a good feel for the lay of the land! I knew a road with the word "plain" in the name would probably lead me to some place familiar! I had a feel for the area and if they could point me in the general direction of where I needed to go next (especially if they could keep me off the demented expressways!) I would once again be able to go forth and conquer!

I was the VICTOR! I was the CONQUERER! I am WOMAN, hear me ROAR! I could do ANYTHING! So, with that in MY mind, I was ready to accept my next assignment supposing it to be another venture to another kiddieland-type of place!

But Jordan's PERception was, apparently, quite different. Instead, he must have felt the fear and trepidation (the BEFORE part of the adventure). Perhaps he felt my relating the tale was expressing a "Don't ever do that to me again!" type of feeling?! In any case, I was relegated to the kitchen table and chair to spend my day in quieter and less adventurous pursuits. Frankly, I was hurt and devastated--too hurt to say anything. Earlier in the year, I'd really messed up the relationship between myself and my daughter-in-law, and I wasn't about to contradict the edict he now handed down--that he no longer trusted me in his car without either him or his wife to drive me. I was disappointed beyond words and meekly accepted his verdict.

Which brings me to the point of this 5-part story: The PERception on the part of my son and his wife that I was a safe driver from the onset--safe enough to entrust their children and one of their friends to my care. The MISconception on their part that it was an easy task for me to find my way safely around in totally unfamiliar territory. The PREconception that I would return safely--which (as it turns out) was the only one that rang true.

And then, afterwards, everything was turned around. The MISconception that I was complaining and still rattled; the MISconception that I never wanted to do it or anything similar again.

Oh, what a tangled web we humans weave in our lack of appropriate communication! How I wish I'd been able to express my sense of accomplishment instead of it coming out as a complaint! How I wish I could have expressed a positive rather than a negative attitude!

Of course, everything turns out ok in the long run. Being relegated to the kitchen table meant interacting more closely with my granddaughters and enabled us to created beautiful necklaces and earrings. We also sorted beads and I also was able to fix (I hope permanently!) the bracelet I'd made for my daughter-in-law and an earring of Hannah's that had broken. The purpose of the trip was, after all, to drink in my granddaughters and to collect as many hugs as possible before they set off on their next adventure in Okinawa for the next three years. And that, after all, was certainly accomplished more fully at the kitchen table than watching them play in habittrails.

Still--PER, PRE and MIS conceptions--it's been a lesson and adventerous ride to be sure!

Peace and love,

Carol

CoNCEPTIONS - PER- AND MIS- PART FOUR

The tiniest egg I've ever gotten from a chicken! About the size of a large marble! My baby must be growing up!

I believe I left off at lunch time which went pretty much without incident. However, I did notice that as I was gathering up the plates of hot dogs and glanced back at our table, Iris had fallen back on her chair and the nice little mommy sitting next to her was helping her right herself. By the time

I got to the table, she seemed none the worse for wear so that was a good thing.

The girls soon finished their meals and were off to the races - or at least their habit trails! - again. But it wasn't long before little Iris came back to me in tears because the older girls had hurt her feelings--telling her they didn't want to play with her. That prompted her climbing into my lap for comfort and I don't know who got the best of that deal--Iris or me!

The feel of her small body as it clung to mine. Little arms around my neck! Exquisite! She could have stayed there forever as far as I was concerned! And she did stay for a long time--at least a 1/2 hr. if not 45 minutes. Between you and me, although she might not have closed her eyes, I think she was really taking a nap--at least rejuvenating. I was happy to serve as her mattress and pillow--one advantage of having gained more than a few pounds over the years! At least I'm fluffy and soft and comfortable--I hope she remembers that as she grows up!

Finally, she was ready to re-join the group after which Adrianna, the best friend, came crying to me about Iris' bothering her! Such is the world of 4 and 6 yr. olds!

I was very much aware of the time and the adventure that awaited me in getting my three charges back home safely. All I had to do, I told myself, was reverse the printed directions which would mean going towards Portland instead of Seattle. Right! I also wanted to get out of there in time to avoid the heaviest of rush hour. I lived most of my life in the Chicago area and am well aware of heavy traffic and horrendous rush hour traffic!

Patiently waiting for the girls to decide it was time to leave (after gently planting the seeds of warning times), I began to herd them up convincing them to retrieve their shoes and Adrianna to return her sox to her benefactor. They all trooped out and into the van which, by now, I'd figured how to open up!

It was hot and the a/c needed to be adjusted--ah! success! The seat and mirrors were already pretty much in place. I started off, successfully navigating the left turn needed to get back on the road home.

My memory failed me. I couldn't remember exactly how long I'd stayed on the road to my son's place, but I saw signs coming up; one pointed to Seattle; the other towards Portland--that must be the one and took the opportunity to enter the expressway and successfully merged!

Too late I realized that although headed in the right general direction I was on the wrong expressway! Horrors! I was on I-5--not I-205! How big a difference was that, I wondered? And now I've got traffic whizzing by me right and left and the sweet young things in the back of the van developed potty mouths!

I never knew 4 and 6 yr. old girls talked like that! "Penis, penis, penis! Poopy! Poopy! Poopy!" And they were virtually screaming it! Rather than trying to stop them, I figured the behavior was best tolerated in favor of my paying attention to the road in hopes of finding a way off the expressway I'd gotten on in error.

Finally, a familiarly named road (4th Plain) came into view. All I had to do was maneuver the car over to the off ramp and then figure out in which direction to turn it--east or west? Although I was inclined to go west, I reasoned that way was toward the coast and, therefore, big water! Since my son didn't live anywhere near the Pacific Ocean, the direction I needed must be east!

Success! I was on 4th Plain (but every other road in their area seems to be named after some sort of Plain!). I hoped I was on the right one! I reasoned the hotel where we were staying was on 4th Plain so all I had to do was recognize that intersection and I'd be home free--so-to-speak.

Meanwhile, the potty mouths in the back kept up their pace, getting louder and louder if anything. Remembering my past accident and traffic ticket history, I knew better than to take my mind or eyes off the road for even a brief second. Although this might not be the heaviest of rush hour traffic, it was certainly beginning to build and I knew I was miles away from the section of the road I knew.

Nothing looked familiar! Street after street, intersection after intersection, building after building. Where the heck were the signs for Westfield Shopping Center--where the hotel was located?! Where was the sign for Mall Road?! Where the heck was Covington and how in the world was I going to manage to get in the left lane without hitting anyone or getting creamed?! Try as I could to remain calm (and I did!), the fact is I was scared to death! Where was my gentle voiced navigation system when I needed her?!

Naturally, of course, everything worked out otherwise I wouldn't be here writing this post! Ultimately Covington came into view with enough notice that I navigated my way into the left lane and found my way back to my son's house without incident to his car or his daughters.

You know the saying, "what happens in.............; stays in.........." Well, I can assure you that what happened in the back seat of the van (the potty mouths) in gramma's presence, did NOT stay with gramma!

As relief flooded me at having made the trip successfully, that was the first thing out of my mouth! The complete re-telling of the potty mouth episode spilled out to the girls' mother. Megumi was wise. She called the girlfriend's mother and then took her daughters aside to reprimand them. And that helped me.

I was still riled up about the driving adventure but that didn't really spill out until the next morning--didn't realize how I'd pent it up. I'll cover that in tomorrow's post and how it relates to the title of this blog. Stay tuned!...........

Peace and love,

Carol

CONCEPTIONS - PER- AND MIS- PART THREE

My husband and I recently traveled to the Pacific NW to spend some time with our son and his wife and our precious granddaughters before they head off to Okinawa for the next three years! It was a good and sometimes scary visit.

The first couple of days, our son graciously carted us out to see the Oregon/Washington coastline--including good views of the Pacific Ocean and a trip to the Aquarium. Later, he took us to the Clarke County Fair--the girls had never been to a fair and it had been some time since we'd been to one. I spent the third day chilling out with his wife and girls visiting the local craft stores and buying future projects.

The fourth day I wanted to take the girls some place special--like a jumping place (they're 4 and 6 yrs. old) or a big habitrail like McDonalds but better--maybe a Kiddieland. Megumi found a great place and meanwhile one of their friends asked to come along. No problem. What was I thinking?!

Suddenly, I was being handed the keys to their Honda mini-van and complete responsibility for 3 young girls with printed directions on how to get to this place about 8 miles and 15 minutes away.

Of course, the girls were excited and jabbering away as we approached the van. I had the keys but no idea how to unlock it. Luckily, one of the buttons I pushed did the trick and they all piled in. Thankfully, the 4 yr. old knows how to buckle herself into her car seat; the others are big enough not to need such an appliance. I figured out how to close the door and climbed into the cockpit.

And that's exactly what it appeared to me--like an airplane cockpit! I drive a minivan--have for the past five years. But it's a Chrysler and by now I've got it pretty much figured out. It also has a built in navigation system whose well-modulated voice gently tells me when to turn as well as how far away from the turn I am. In addition, there's a screen which I can glance at to get a feel for where I am.

The van I was about to drive had no such amenities. It does have lots of others, though, complete with buttons to operate them all. However, being unfamiliar with the vehicle, I had no idea to what those buttons were attached.

My first mission was to figure out how to adjust my seat and -- oh yes--the mirrors. Also, since they were going through a heat wave--how the heck do you turn on the a/c? Coming from TX--it's automatically on all the time!

I warned the girls to keep the volume in the back seat down to a low roar so I could concentrate on my driving. Keep in mind my previous posts--the 4 accidents and 5 driving violations! To put it bluntly--I was scared to death!

With my left thumb plastering the map directions (thankfully printed in large type!--I'm nearsighted at best!) against the steering wheel, and the rest of my fingers gripping it from behind, I attempted to figure out where to put the key -- in other words, where the heck is the ignition!? I have discovered over the course of time that if one points the key tip in the general direction of where one thinks the ignition is the key will generally find its way and this was the case this time.

Once I started the van, I was ready to take off. At least the first part of the trip was somewhat familiar as I'd driven it before in previous visits. But it soon came time to enter an expressway.

Some time back I remember Wayne Dwyer expounding about an aunt of his who would no longer drive in the Detroit area because she couldn't figure out how to merge. Well, I'm 66 yrs. old and although I come from the Chicago area and I'm not quite to that point yet--I'm beginning to understand this aunt very well!

In any case, I did find the ramp and made it on to the expressway. Luckily, the directions noted an exit number and once found I could even get off the expressway nearly as easily as I'd gotten on. Now for the next trick of finding the side road on which this playland was located.

I found it! But, much to my dismay and the dismay of the girls in the back seat, no such animal existed there! The best I could do was Gold's Gym--not appropriate for 4 and 6 yr. olds. Exploring every driveway and alley did not turn up the destination. My only recourse was to exit out onto the highway (at least it was only a 4 laner and not an expressway!) and continue my search down the road. Maybe they moved the thing!

Sure enough, about a block later, the kids and I both spotted it. Of course, not before I'd passed it up necessitating a U turn before I got so far down the road I couldn't find my way back! Success! Entry into the parking lot was relatively simple and I breathed a sigh of relief as I released my hostages from the back seat! Everyone was still in one piece!

Entering Kids Club (Fun and Fitness!) seemed a piece of cake--until, after signing everyone in, we realized that the friend had not worn her sox. Nice people from Kids Club to the rescue providing mismatched but workable sox that Adrianna was willing to wear (thank goodness). The girls were off for their own adventures.

I scoped out the place to get the lay of the land, took a few pictures for posterity, and settled down with the book I'd thought to bring. As expected, they were good for well over an hour before their appetites kicked in. I was prepared! So was Kids Club offering kid-type meals! Even better, for the most part except for drinks, everyone wanted the same thing. Piece of cake!

To be continued.........

Peace and love,

Carol

CONCEPTIONS - PER- AND MIS- PART TWO

Don't know why I chose this image--it's just pretty.

My fourth and (I hope!) last accident was about a year ago. Born of anger and impatience. I'd just picked up my grandson to take him back to our house. I needed to make a left turn onto the feeder road to the expressway. I was "good"--I waited when the left turn signal turned yellow and decided not to make a run for it--I would wait until the traffic had cleared to make my turn.

And so I waited and as it cleared, I very slowly inched the van into the oncoming lanes. There was one more car to clear. I thought as it came towards me that they were probably intending to make a right turn which would clear the way for me to make the left so I inched further into the oncoming lanes.

And then he hit me! My grandson in his car seat in the back of the van was ecstatic! "I knew it! I knew we were gonna crash!" he loudly proclaimed!

I sat there absolutely stunned! Sure I was probably in his way but he had to have seen me as he came down the hill! It didn't seem like he'd made any attempt to avoid hitting me by trying to stop or swerve in any way! How could he hit me!

I was so stunned I just sat there absolutely dazed and amazed. I knew neither my grandson or I were hurt but still, I just sat there.

Finally, the lady who was in the front passenger seat of the other car came to see if I was alright which I assured her I was. I knew the police had to be called and when I finally began coming to my senses and went to see if she and her husband (who was driving) were ok, I also saw she was on the phone to the police and whoever else she needed to call. I also noticed that her husband (the driver) was on oxygen and had one of those little tanks sitting beside him.

It was hot--it was August--and my car was still running. I never turned it off because I was afraid it might not start up again and I wanted to assure some level of comfort for my grandson.

When the police came, Benjamin was delighted. I was asked to move my car out of the way--the other car was so damaged (likely totaled) it had to be towed away. I was given a ticket for failing to yield the right of way but advised that I might get it deferred if I drove without incident for the next three months--which is what ultimately happened.

This latest incident is as yet unsettled as the people still have claims against my insurance company. I wouldn't be surprised if they, too, ultimately sued us. Luckily, we're with different insurance than we were from when I had my first accident in Texas but I'm sure eventually things will catch up to me/us and our rates will increase substantially.

Add to this, since I've been in Texas these last five years I've also received a number of tickets--some frivolous--not wearing a seatbelt "properly"!--some not--going over the speed limit in a construction zone; in a school zone (this last on the last day of school!).

Writing this all out helps me see that every one of these accidents/incidents has been caused by impatience. I need to slow down. I need to relax! I need to let go--and as the saying goes--let God (or my higher power).

I also write this to point out the original perception--that I am a safe driver--is obviously something of a misconception! And now, perhaps, the reader can understand why I was so surprised when my son and daughter-in-law recently asked me to drive my granddaughters and their friend some place in a car with which I was unfamiliar and on roads I'd never driven on before!

But, more on that tomorrow--my writing time is up for today! And again--I want to explore the per and mis-conceptions of this latest event in my life.

Peace and Understanding to all who read this!

Carol

CONCEPTIONS - PER- AND MIS- PART ONE

I have a perception that I'm a fairly safe driver. Most of my 40+ yrs. of driving experience would substantiate that.

Sure, I've had the occasional speeding and parking tickets--which, when I was younger--I could talk myself out of. But nothing serious happened until a few years ago when I was broadsided in my job's parking lot. Neither of the drivers was given a ticket--except that for some reason neither of us could produce proof of insurance! which was easily cleared up when the proof was found.

In truth, I was very lucky. Driving my Lincoln Town Car, although hit on the driver's side and spun around, I suffered no physical injury--but the Town Car very nearly paid for it with it's life! However, a good body man and several months later and no one would have ever guessed what had happened by looking at the car.

Of course, my pride was wounded. For over ten years, I'd driven through that parking lot without incident. And I'd always won at the intersections! This time I didn't win. Although it would be said (especially by me!) that the other driver wasn't paying attention--he wasn't--he was looking for address numbers--the fact is I had gambled on whether he or me would reach the intersection first and this time I'd lost. Technically, on the street, he might have been given a ticket for failure to yield the right-of-way. In a parking lot in Illinois, tickets for such aren't given on private property.

Neither of us were hurt so that was the good thing.

Five years ago, my husband and I retired to Texas. In that five years, I've had three accidents and five or six tickets--(I purposely blur the number in my mind!). All of the accidents, I'm ashamed to say, were my fault. The first resulted in a lawsuit that ultimately cost my insurance company $80,000--over that if you count the monies put out for personal injuries and car repairs.

I'd run a red light and this time I didn't get away with it. I'd run them before -- all inadvertently--thinking whatever thoughts but certainly not paying attention to my driving. The other driver was a professional driver and certainly paying attention--but not enough to catch me coming into his path as he made a left turn.

This time my Lincoln Town Car paid for the accident with its life. My dream car; my "baby". The car I never thought I'd own. My pride and joy. Once again it had saved me from a worse injury than would have occurred in a lesser vehicle.

My third accident occurred in the family mini-van. Rushing to a dental appointment and blinded by the morning sun, I suddenly found myself nearly airborne as I finally discovered I was traveling up the ramp of a heavy equipment transport vehicle. Angels must have been present as my vehicle nearly flipped over on its side before dropping heavily onto the pavement blowing out a front tire. Shaken, embarrassed, I drove/dragged the car to the parking lot of my dentist, called my husband, and kept my appointment!

What was I thinking? Making an 8 AM appointment when I'm retired for God's sake! I could/should have made that appointment at any time of the day! Certainly not that early when I had no job to report to! Although I'd made the appointment months earlier it could certainly have been modified or postponed. But no--I had to prove that I could still get up early and keep up with the best of them.

Add to that, I was taking care of the neighbor's animals while they were on vacation. They have dogs and goats and the goats are pastured a little distance from their house. Keeping that 8 AM early spring appointment meant that I had to go over to their place extra early to feed in the morning darkness. Scared to death of possibly running into a snake, I believe I did take a flashlight.

Mind you, my husband had volunteered to help me but he was still sleeping when I felt I had to leave the house. To do this, I had to play martyr. "I'll be magnanimous; I'll let him sleep. 'I am woman! Hear me roar! I can do anything'"!

I fed the animals, quickly showered and was determined to be at the dentist at 8 AM sharp.

What I hadn't counted on was the sunrise at that time of the year. Turning east into the road that was a block away from my dentist's office, the sun shone directly into my eyes totally temporarily blinding me. Less than 100 feet from the intersection, the transport truck was parked. There were no cones or warning signs around it.

At first I couldn't imagine what was happening. I never heard anything. But I did finally see the cab of the truck and assumed I was just approaching it very closely never realizing that my right front wheel had connected to the ramp and I was slowly rising above the ground.

By the time I realized I was going upwards, my mind simply couldn't process what to do. Should I stop? As my van began to tip towards its side it frightened me to think of stopping for fear the loss of momentum would surly tip it over. So would putting it in reverse to back down. I imagined I had hid a curb. What would I do then?

So I ever so slowly began turning the wheels so the van would come off the ramp--or what I thought was the curb. Meanwhile the pavement was approaching the driver's side of the van. My heart was in my mouth!

At that point, the van and wheel parted company with the ramp and with a loud thud it hit the pavement--right side up! Thank you very much!

The car was still running and forward moving although making a terrible scraping sound. I was literally within a few feet of the driveway I needed so it made sense to drive into a parking space.

Pride--how embarrassing! How frightening! How grateful not to have landed on my side! Surely my head would have hit the window and the car would have likely been unsalvageable.

Shaking, I got out of the van and called my husband on my cell phone. My husband; my rock. I knew he'd be concerned for me. Never angry. But not necessarily able to figure out just what to do. And I kept that appointment!

Later, I found out there'd been witnesses! They were surprised the van hadn't tipped over! And returning to the scene of the crime--so-to-speak--the transport vehicle was removed and I'm sure it was removed quickly.

It cost us the deductible on our car insurance and my insurance company about $1500. It cost me personally what? Hurt pride? Fear? Loss of self-confidence? Maybe there's a lesson in here? What do I need to learn?

To be continued.......