Baby Goats & Monsters

While our neighbors are on vacation, we're taking care of their animals. I definitely need to get a better picture than this--at least one without a rear view! But after feeding the babies, they tend to follow me around too closely for a better shot. This is the best I could do at this time.Speaking of the best I could do at this time, I recently had a very bad spell where the monster in me came out. My monster has many names: Confusion, Anger, Hurt, Misunderstanding, Fear, Righteous Indignation. I hate this monster even though my son tells me to love it. I've heard that however good you are, you are equally as bad and this monster proved that recently.

In general, I try to be a very good, kind, and loving person and since I've been in AA I believe that part of me has improved. But there's no question that when put to an extreme test, the worst of me can, and will, come out.

I have a tendency to fear that the monster is the real me. But now I have an opportunity to feed these baby goats while their owners are on vacation. Two of the babies are normal except that their mother died and they have to be fed with a bottle. However, one is not "normal". It's gait is stilted, he has a large sharp bump in his chest, and he may be blind. This baby also has to be bottle fed and he has to be coaxed because the sucking mechanism isn't that well developed. His little jaws have to be forced open and he has to be encouraged.

Of course, my first instinct is to be perfect and make sure this baby stays alive while his owners are gone. My next instinct is to care for him as he struggles with living. I've learned that picking him up and placing him on a table unreachable by his "cousins" gives us both a sense of peace and allows us to concentrate on "business"--the business of his feeding.

But lately, something more has happened. The little fellow--although he may still run from me--seems to be a bit more understanding. He leans into me while nursing and seems to know I'll be patient with him while he takes a breath. His "cousins" while at first just pesty, now often rest on my feet!

Of course I'm reading more into this than I should, but these actions are very comforting to me. As though these creatures know something about me that I forget about myself when my monster comes out. Maybe they don't see the monster. Maybe they only see that I'm doing my best to care for them? Maybe they're only seeing the gentle side of my heart?

I wish I could put my monster away for good and only be so pure of heart that only the gentle side of me comes out--ever. I envy people who are so calm and accepting of life as it's handed to them. But I still struggle with my monster from time to time and that's a fact.

Perhaps I've just had one more opportunity to learn. I hope I've learned my lesson well.

Peace!

Carol

Think About this!

My son and his family from Washington State visited us last week and we just put them on a plane back home last night. Already I'm missing my two precious granddaughters.

To make use of my time, I've been cleaning up my room (something I should have done before they came!) and ran across this. I intend to throw this out after I re-create it here as I'll now have some place else to store it electronically. But this got me thinking when I first read it, and it got me thinking now. I hope you enjoy it. Remember this is a quote.

We think our younger generation never notices anything, but in truth, they notice more than we adults do and they notice and understand more than what we want to admit they do.

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller building, but shorter tempers;
Wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints;
We spend more, but have less;
We buy more, but enjoy it less.

We have bigger houses, but smaller families;
More conveniences, but less time;
We have more degrees, but less sense;
More knowledge, but less judgment;
More experts, but more problems;
More medicine, but less wellness.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our value.
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life;
We've added years to life, but not life to years.

We've been all the way to the moon and back,
But have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor.
We've conquered outer space, but not inner space;
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul;
We've split the atom, but not prejudice.

We have higher incomes, but lower morals.
We've become long on quantity, but short on quality.
These are the times of tall men and short character;
Steep profits and shallow relationships.
These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare;
More leisure, but less fun;
More kinds of food, but less nutrition.

These are the days of two incomes, but more divorce;
Of fancier houses, but broken homes.

It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the stockroom;
A time when technology can bring this letter to you.
And a time when you can choose either to make a difference or just hit delete.

(This was written by a student at Columbine High School shortly after the shooting of a number of students. Although the time of peace is gone, most of it pretty well stands today. I hope you've enjoyed it.)

Peace,

Carol