I grew up in a pretty straight-laced German based family in the NW suburbs of Chicago. Touching one another was not that common and then in only appropriate places. Pecks on the cheek were more common. For example, I was allowed to kiss my mother on her cheek when she tucked me into bed at night. Otherwise, the closest she came to touching me would be when she'd allow me into her lap for comfort. The best was when she would be talking or singing (she had a beautiful voice) and I could hear her voice as I rested my head on her chest. The memories of those soft reverberations are still with me.
In the frequent large family gatherings, touching was simply not done. And, if it was, it had to be in only "appropriate" places. The occasional pat on the back was acceptable. Hugging was rarely performed.
My father was from the deep south (Georgia) where touching, especially in the form of hugs, was another story. On the rare occasions when we visited his family, I knew to brace myself for the hugs that would accompany greetings or leavings. Those were the only hugs I was familiar with and I dutifully endured them. But as I said, those occasions were years apart.
I was, of course, aware that there were other kinds of touching suitable between married couples. But that kind of touching outside the bounds of marriage was frowned upon and girls who allowed that were thought of as loose. I grew up thinking that it was okay for my parents to touch me in certain ways so as to examine my body for injury or infection. The same kind of touch was okay from a doctor. Otherwise, touches of that nature and more were reserved for my someday husband.
At 21, I married a man who was also from the deep south, Mississippi to be exact. I never had any problem with him touching me in any way he wanted--after our vows were spoken--or at least pretty close to that time! But I'd have to steel myself for visits to his part of the world where hugs were more common-placed and I'd be expected to endure them on a more frequent basis. Still, touching of certain parts of the body were strictly reserved for my husband.
I remember a visit early in our marriage traveling in the summer in an un-air-conditioned car (which was pretty common back in the early '60s. My fair skin, hidden away in the Northern cloudier climes was not accustomed to the sun and I burned easily through the car windows and when getting out of the car to stretch my legs. The parts of my body that burned included my arms and upper chest.
When we arrived at my husband's home, his step-mother immediately saw my pain and being a nurse and mother came out of the house armed with a pain relieving salve. Instead of handing me the lotion to put on myself, she grabbed me to put it on my upper chest--a place reserved for touching by only my husband! Mortified, I suddenly inexplicably found myself in the school yard across the street crying and trembling when my husband caught up with me! That's how unaccustomed I was to being touched.
Today's society is far more relaxed (thank goodness!). Everyone everywhere seems to greet one another with hugs (which is actually less germ laden than a handshake!). Of course, we're still careful about inappropriate touching but hugs seem to be the norm rather than the exception and I've grown to love them. I gladly accept them and offer them freely to those I care about. There is just something so wonderful about that human contact that soothes the soul. I can't get enough of them and I'm so glad I've changed to accept them freely.
Hugs today are shared not only between men and women on a non-romantic but nonetheless caring basis, but also between two women and two men with no thought of any untoward connotations. I love it! I really think this is what life is all about. Literally reaching out and touching another human allows that human to feel accepted and loved on so many different and appropriate levels.
So if we ever meet, dear reader, remember--I'm in it for the hugs! and feel free to share one of yours with me!
Peace and love,
Carol
1 comment:
Hugs.
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