Snow in Texas?!

We thought we'd moved away from this! But, in fact, it actually snowed a measurable amount last Wednesday, 12/10! Enough so there were mini-snowmen/women being built all around College Station! Above is the snowman our grandson and his Dad built and it's plain that our decorations definitely took on a more festive look!

If that wonder wasn't enough, our little chicks who were born on May 1 of this year have become mothers themselves! That's right! On one of the coldest days of the year, two babies hatched! Although they're in a protected area--a well-built shed--it was cold enough for the water inside to have partially frozen! But those little ones survived thanks to their mom's protective shielding! Today, four days later, they're walking around just like they know what they're doing! Absolutely incredible. It would appear they're survivors and we're happy for that!

Have been busy baking--probably 50-60 doz. cookies--mailing them out in assorted 17+ packages plus those that we're handing out!--and making our own Christmas card and printing and sending 100+! Now we're getting ready to head to the Pacific NW to celebrate our oldest granddaughter's 6th birthday and spend the first part of Christmas. We'll enjoy Christmas with our other son and his family the day after we get back and then help with inventory for our daughter-in-law's store (Bead Fountain). Then to celebrate the New Year AND our oldest son's 40th birthday on the 7th of January! Maybe then we can rest!

Meanwhile I'm still trying to finish up some crocheting projects before we leave in two days!

So THIS is retirement!

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL! (and to all a good night!)

Love and peace!

Carol

Eggs-trodinary!

Finally! I'm getting around to posting this!

We had been wondering when our little hens would start laying and wasn't paying too much attention since my neighbor said she doubted they'd start laying before January. Much to our surprise, when missing a hen while counting them outside, I walked into their little house and found a little hen setting! And look what she was setting on!

Most of them were turned into French toast or scrambled eggs. We did let her have about a half dozen just to keep her happy and marked those that were hers so when we check on her we liberate the ones that are ours!

We'll see how fertile they are in about 3 weeks!

Peace!

Carol

Happy Halloween!

BOO! HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Everyone!

Hope everyone viewing this has a safe and fun Halloween! These are some of the critters I made for treats! They're goulishly delicious!

Of Scarecrows, Costumes and Roses

I just LOVE this scarecrow! What an attractive alternative to what one normally sees!

The rose is growing in the Tyler Rose Garden in Tyler, TX--Tyler happens to be the largest producer of roses in the US!

A Lamb and a Lion costume! Created by yours truly for my adorable granddaughters.

My husband and I went on a retreat of sorts just to get away from the house and do something different. We ended up getting stuck in the mud in the middle of Davey Crockett National Forest! A force other than human managed to push us out of the red clay!

The purpose of our trip was to get down to some basics on topics we have not been able to discuss for the better part of our 40+ yr. marriage. We were in the car together and it was either talk or spend an inordinate amount of time in silence.

We've both been sober for a little over 3 yrs. now. What a difference sobriety makes! We're finally beginning to find the words to express ourselves--words that should have been spoken many, many years ago and had they been spoken that long ago would have made a HUGE difference in our marriage. Nonetheless, the words have finally been spoken and still have a major impact on us.

Further, the words and questions have kept coming even after coming home. And I hope they will continue to do so! We're clearing up the wreckage of our past and at our age are beginning to feel a certain peace and happiness unknown to us heretofore.

Alcoholism robbed us of this introspection and prevented us from enjoying our lives to the fullest extent. How grateful we are to find a program that has taught us how to live and enjoy our lives on a daily basis! One of the many wonderful cliches in AA is "It's not the drinking but the thinking that brought us here"! How very true this is.

Thanks to the intervention of our kids and the support of friends new and old, we've found a new way of life and a happiness such as we've never known.

May you all enjoy the same!

Peace!

Carol

Goofy Gonzalez & A Higher Power!

From time to time I've questioned the validity of my Higher Power. Many times in my life I haven't felt deserving of any kind of recognition from God or anyone else. Why would anyone be interested in me?! Let alone intervene in any way in my life?

But there's no question that He/She does look after me and mine and has usually taken care of us all pretty well.

We have four banty roosters: Ben & Jerry are the white ones--like ice cream? Get it?! and then there's Gonzolez and Gomez the black Frizzles--the curley feathered ones. We decided to begin letting them out to roam the garden the other day. Of course, they all made a beeline for the hens who are currently in another coop for their own safety and well being.

For the most part, these four little muskateers stick together in their search for various tastey morsels to be found throughout the 1/4 acre garden we have. But--they are, after all, banties and as such will never be more than about 2# in weight. My husband discouraged a circling hawk one day and it certainly is within the realm of possibility that one of them could be picked off at any time. So far so good--or so we thought.

We left the house on Friday around 3 PM just to get out. At that time the foursome were busily searching for grubs amongst the blackberry plants. When we got home about 3 hrs. later, they greeted us at the larger garden gate--happy to see who was coming into the driveway. But I could only count three of them.

Further inspection did not reveal where Gonzalez had gone. Both my husband searched throughout the garden and even peered into our neighbor's yard to see if by chance he'd "flown the coop" to no avail. Believe me, my husband and I were very, very thorough in our search!

I double checked the little hut where they live removing the hatch to look inside. No Gonzalez. With a heavy heart, we assumed a hawk had gotten him for dinner. The strange thing was that there was no sign of struggle--not a black feather to be found which seemed a bit strange unless it was a very swift pick-up. Still, no other explanation was afforded us.

That night, although I felt a bit silly about it, I did put in a word to my HP about Gonzalez hoping he'd be returned to us. And that was that.

In the morning, I released the hens from their abode and then released the boys. Out marched Gonzalez! What?! What?! I couldn't believe my eyes! He seemed perfectly fine as he continued his march towards where the hens live!

I continued to wonder about this as I headed for the house to start the coffee pot tempted to wake my husband with the news. But I still wanted to feed the dogs and cats and empty the dishwasher. As these tasks were being completed, my husband came into the kitchen for his coffee. I told him to look out the back window and count the roosters and he was just as amazed as I was--incredulous!

So, Gonzalez is alive and well and just as spunky as ever and prayer does work!

BTW--my husband's wallet has been missing for about two weeks now. We've checked the last places he was but never cancelled cards. He'd been in a hurry the day he lost it but he was pretty sure it was not outside the house. Even today he stopped by the Kroger store just in case someone had picked it up and turned it in later. I'd asked him if he'd prayed about it and we both did just that last night. It's hard to pray for something when you think maybe it's your own foolish fault that it's missing.

Just minutes ago, as this was being written, he came to me with our prayers answered! He'd absent mindedly tucked his wallet that fateful day inside a rarely used drawer and just happened to open it a few minutes ago!

So, my friends, although I always leave everything up to my HP when I say my prayers at night; I'm not above asking for a few trivial things from time to time. I know it's a lot to ask with all the many far more pressing problems in this world--but you never know and it doesn't hurt--if nothing else, it makes one feel as though one has done everything possible.

Now--if we could just have retrieved that debit card before we cancelled it this afternoon!!!! (My kids (when they read this) are definitely going to start checking into old peoples' homes for us, I'm sure!

Peace and Love,

Carol

Blood Lillies, A Chicken Shed and Ike's Calling Card

The greenhouse suffered a bit of damage but nothing too unusual for a high wind. Panels still need to be replaced (fiberglass) but this is nothing compared to the suffering of people still displaced in the Galveston/Houston area.

Our chicks seem to be happy and today may be a momentus day for our four roosters who will be released from confinement this morning now that we have the fencing secured against the dogs.

64 degrees this AM! At least we're not walking out into walls of heat first thing in the mornings now and temps range into the high 80s instead of 90s. Some relief which I appreciate. Maybe by the end of next month I can start wearing long pants! Found myself wishing for a few days of snow the other day! But overall we love it down here!

Be well!

Carol

Perspective on Ike

Is this the most ridiculous chicken you've ever seen?! And she's so soft!

The chicks are now relocated in their new shed and FINALLY figured how to go in and out once Dad built the new chicken ladder!

Hurricane Ike came through here Saturday morning. We'd had plenty of warning and were well prepared. We made sure all the chicks were safely in their quarters although we did let the roosters out even while it was still raining and they didn't seem to mind it.

Ike took down a few tree branches that needed to come down anyway. He also dumped 4-1/2 inches of rain which was welcome. For the most part, the hurricane drifted towards the east. Our power never went out and we were never in any kind of danger.

But people in the surrounding areas were not so lucky. Many are still without power and it may be 4 wks. before it's restored. Many evacuees from Houston and Galveston came here to escape Ike's wrath and now many have no place to go back to. There are rumors that gasoline (still under $4.00/gal.) will be rationed soon as people from those areas come here to replenish their supplies--not only gas but also food. All our grocery stores are crowded.

I've been through hurricanes before but never felt the entire impact as I do now. Feeling very grateful and blessed at the moment. Grateful I have a full pantry and freezer and running water and air conditioning and access to the internet. Amazed at how Mother Nature, in the blink of an eye, can wipe out sturdy structures and longstanding landmarks. From what we can gather, our favorite place to eat in Galveston is gone. And we were there just a few months ago!

We are very grateful and pray for those who have lost so much. Getting out with your life is a good thing but trying to get back to a home that no longer exists is an awful realization.

Love,

Carol

A Grey Chicken, a Frizzle, Onions & Taming the Monsters!

This is a Frizzle! A curley feathered chicken. It's poor companion may also be a frizzle but it's hard to tell when half it's feathers are missing, poor thing!

Above: the onions were planted last November and harvested recently although we've been harvesting them right along since February. Also--have you ever seen a grey chicken? Most of my friends have not so thought I'd post it as an anomoly.

I think I'm beginning to understand my monsters. Although they have many names like anger, rage, jealously, righteous indignation, etc., I realize they can all come under one catagory: Control. When I don't feel I have control over a person or situation, my monsters break the lock on their cage and come out in full force!

Of course, one never has complete control over anything in life and I should know this. Accepting it is something else. There are some parts of my life in which I can accept this; but obviously I haven't yet been able to transfer that feeling to all parts of my life.

However, I think just this much understanding helps. I may only have scratched the surface. Did it begin when I was molested by my father as a young girl? Losing trust in a parent you felt would protect you is certainly a control issue.

Recently we were in charge of taking care of a neighbor's animals. One of the baby goats is not quite right and they even said if we couldn't get it to feed from the bottle, not to worry about it. My instinctive reaction was that this baby WOULD eat and it would NOT die while I was in charge! I'd force feed the little thing if it killed him!

Looking back, what a ridiculous thought! How very little control was actually ever in my hands! Almost none at all! I certainly could feed but life and death was out of my hands/control. I could only do my part--control what I could or--as in the serenity prayer--accept the things I couldn't change, change the things I could--but some times I don't always have the wisdom to know the difference.

A tragedy has just befallen us. Our dog, Jake, just got into the chicken room with the baby chicks and destroyed the better part of our little flock. I must accept that I can't change Jake and his determination to get to these critters, and now I need to see what we can do ro save and protect the rest.

Peace!

Carol

Baby Goats & Monsters

While our neighbors are on vacation, we're taking care of their animals. I definitely need to get a better picture than this--at least one without a rear view! But after feeding the babies, they tend to follow me around too closely for a better shot. This is the best I could do at this time.Speaking of the best I could do at this time, I recently had a very bad spell where the monster in me came out. My monster has many names: Confusion, Anger, Hurt, Misunderstanding, Fear, Righteous Indignation. I hate this monster even though my son tells me to love it. I've heard that however good you are, you are equally as bad and this monster proved that recently.

In general, I try to be a very good, kind, and loving person and since I've been in AA I believe that part of me has improved. But there's no question that when put to an extreme test, the worst of me can, and will, come out.

I have a tendency to fear that the monster is the real me. But now I have an opportunity to feed these baby goats while their owners are on vacation. Two of the babies are normal except that their mother died and they have to be fed with a bottle. However, one is not "normal". It's gait is stilted, he has a large sharp bump in his chest, and he may be blind. This baby also has to be bottle fed and he has to be coaxed because the sucking mechanism isn't that well developed. His little jaws have to be forced open and he has to be encouraged.

Of course, my first instinct is to be perfect and make sure this baby stays alive while his owners are gone. My next instinct is to care for him as he struggles with living. I've learned that picking him up and placing him on a table unreachable by his "cousins" gives us both a sense of peace and allows us to concentrate on "business"--the business of his feeding.

But lately, something more has happened. The little fellow--although he may still run from me--seems to be a bit more understanding. He leans into me while nursing and seems to know I'll be patient with him while he takes a breath. His "cousins" while at first just pesty, now often rest on my feet!

Of course I'm reading more into this than I should, but these actions are very comforting to me. As though these creatures know something about me that I forget about myself when my monster comes out. Maybe they don't see the monster. Maybe they only see that I'm doing my best to care for them? Maybe they're only seeing the gentle side of my heart?

I wish I could put my monster away for good and only be so pure of heart that only the gentle side of me comes out--ever. I envy people who are so calm and accepting of life as it's handed to them. But I still struggle with my monster from time to time and that's a fact.

Perhaps I've just had one more opportunity to learn. I hope I've learned my lesson well.

Peace!

Carol

Think About this!

My son and his family from Washington State visited us last week and we just put them on a plane back home last night. Already I'm missing my two precious granddaughters.

To make use of my time, I've been cleaning up my room (something I should have done before they came!) and ran across this. I intend to throw this out after I re-create it here as I'll now have some place else to store it electronically. But this got me thinking when I first read it, and it got me thinking now. I hope you enjoy it. Remember this is a quote.

We think our younger generation never notices anything, but in truth, they notice more than we adults do and they notice and understand more than what we want to admit they do.

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller building, but shorter tempers;
Wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints;
We spend more, but have less;
We buy more, but enjoy it less.

We have bigger houses, but smaller families;
More conveniences, but less time;
We have more degrees, but less sense;
More knowledge, but less judgment;
More experts, but more problems;
More medicine, but less wellness.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our value.
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life;
We've added years to life, but not life to years.

We've been all the way to the moon and back,
But have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor.
We've conquered outer space, but not inner space;
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul;
We've split the atom, but not prejudice.

We have higher incomes, but lower morals.
We've become long on quantity, but short on quality.
These are the times of tall men and short character;
Steep profits and shallow relationships.
These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare;
More leisure, but less fun;
More kinds of food, but less nutrition.

These are the days of two incomes, but more divorce;
Of fancier houses, but broken homes.

It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the stockroom;
A time when technology can bring this letter to you.
And a time when you can choose either to make a difference or just hit delete.

(This was written by a student at Columbine High School shortly after the shooting of a number of students. Although the time of peace is gone, most of it pretty well stands today. I hope you've enjoyed it.)

Peace,

Carol

Greetings from Iowa!

Going to Lombard, IL tomorrow.

Jake's been good but there was an incident with Bruno but everyone is ok

Think he's homesick.

Enjoying ourselves.

Peace!

Carol

Onions, Baby Chicks and Jabba the Hutt!

It's been a while since I've posted last but as you can see, we've been busy! Besides that, the blackberries are coming in! Picked 24 pts. this morning and expect to get more tonight and tomorrow AM. This is the time to get them! And Farm Patch is paying $2/pt. which is a record high. Last year we made over $600 on them and expect the same this year. I have 5 pts. pre-paid!

Benjamin's birthday party was yesterday and as you can imagine, the baby chicks which arrived on May 1 were the big hit besides the Jabba the Hutt birthday cake! Unfortunately for Benjamin, he wasn't the only little 6 yr. old boy who coveted Princess Leia and she has mysteriously disappeared. Oh well--Ebay to the rescue!

Chicks are playing king of the hill and perching atop their feeder. Maybe the next pic will be of that!

Back out to pick berries!

Will try to post sooner!

Peace!

Carol

Flower Power!

Haven't posted in a while. Sorry about that! Will try to rectify that in the future! Above is the azalea in our front yard--now turned completely green! Always beautiful this time of year!
Now you see Dad, Chloe and Jake in the gardens in Nacagdoches! The rest of the pics are from there as well except for the last one which is of a nest built on our back porch!

We have two nests now--one recycled by barnswallows in the front and this one in back. Linda, our neighbor, thinks this was was built by titmice birds! One of the prettiest nests I've every encountered!

Termites have been discovered in the yard and don't know if they're in the house or not but will be treated today! Very scary but we do live in the termite capitol of the world so not too surprising!

Denise visits Wednesday night until Tuesday AM. Hope to enjoy some good times together!

Off to breakfast!

Peace and love to all!

Carol

Productive Day

Didn't walk this am--too cold for us in TX--34 and windy and thought we might walk later but got too involved with other things.

Cooked all day. Made banana bread pudding, oatmeal bread, pepper cheese bread--very good!--, apricot chicken, chicken yakatori, and chicken tarragon, as well as those meaty ribs with a pear sauce and strongarm cookies--Jeff's new favorites. In between all this, we voted and picked Benjamin up for his taekwondoe class. Then divided and packaged things up between Jeff and his family and us. Neither Jennifer or I should have to do some serious cooking for awhile--but it did feel good and the freezer is full. Benjamin ate his apricot chicken and bread pudding--he loved it. If nothing else I've satisfied my grandson.

Meditation is a good thing and it does help clear my mind but I feel useless if I'm not accomplishing something. And there's so much to do! We bought this place to keep us young--if we wanted to sit I think we'd die earlier. We did let Charlie out today--but I think it got too windy for him and he went back in his house.

After the rains yesterday things are greening up and the trees are budding. So many birds!

Looks like we'll be dog sitting this week end and goat tending next week. The following week I'm hoping to get out and do some azeala sighting. Ours is blooming but the blooms are scanty. I think we need another plant out there.

Dad goes to his computer club tomorrow and after getting out some letters to take to our meeting tomorrow night, I'm hoping I can do some serious sewing. Maybe even get in some beading.

Time for bed!

Peace!
Carol

The Beginnings of a New Month

How quickly times goes by! February is over and the month of March has begun! Here in Texas, it's hard to tell if the month came in as a lion or a lamb. Never imagined that Texas (or at least this part) had so much wind! Some times it's hard to keep the greenhouse together!

The Unity Conference was a success! Not only did all the bills get paid, but it would appear that we made a bit of profit--which, of course, is not the aim except that the extra money will help pay for the next conference and help to continue to spread the word to others suffereing from this terrible disease.

It looks like the conference next year will be in Navasota and I plan to participate in whatever way I can. I enjoy making the speaker baskets and contributing to the auction and the chili contest, etc. Good fellowship.

It's raining and it's rain we need--in more ways than one! The winds wick up the moisture so quickly! Charlie is crowing but I think he's staying inside his little house! It will give me an excuse to stay inside and get inside work done. So much sewing to do and so many more beading projects to attempt and so much organizing to do! I want so much to be organized! I need to work on that more and more every day! And I want this house to be clean! But the latter is hard to maintain when the weather is bad and the dogs come in and out. No doubt about it--animals do not contribute to the cleanliness of the house!

But the newly configured fridge seems to be working well and I believe I'll make some major changes to the contents of the pantry today shifting some things to the bookcases that serve as auziliary housing for "stuff".

Benjamin is already looking forward to his 6th birthday in May! So much going on! But nothing immediate with AA except some committee work and there is something to do for that.

Feeling better--maybe because the conference is over. God blessed Teresa with good help and keeping her father from harm. She did a wonderful job and I'm very happy for her and learned a lot from the experience.

Peace!

Carol

Another New Week!

Busy week this week! By this time next week, I should come upon relative calm. Getting ready for the Unity conference at week's end making chili and corn bread, and some sort of pot luck dish--thinking in terms of roll-up type sandwiches; perhaps brownies.

Also want to make Dad's cookies and do some more breads. Don't know why I'm into making breads these days but I am.

Feeling pretty good. Trying to get outside more these days and plan on working more in the garden. Dad has made good progress on the greenhouse and nearly all the panels are up now. Priced stones for the floor yesterday and came to the brilliant conclusion that mulch might be better; cheaper and easier on the feet! Wow! What a breakthrough! Perhaps that can be accomplished by week's end.

Walking this AM with the dogs. Took them for a ride last night -- Chloe wanted more. Planning a mini-trip by mid-month next month to check out an azeala festival in NE TX.

Need to work more on projects! Need to get off the computer!

Peace!
Carol

Charlie Doesn't Like Walking Through Water

I hear Charlie crowing but I haven't let him out yet. We had so much rain over the week end that there are still puddles around and in his little enclosure. Dad had to pick him up off the garbage can lid last night and throw him in bed! But Charlie is forgiving and he's crowing that he's awake this AM. I'll let him out a little later. His bug search should be pretty productive today.

My youngest granddaughter is 3 yrs.old! What a joy she is! I think she has an old and mischievieous soul! I have a feeling that little Iris will get into her share and her sister's share of trouble over her lifetime but that, like her dad, she'll always come out well and well liked.

Sabu was very needy last night. He is such a sweet kitty and doesn't get his fair share of attention--or maybe he does--who's to say? I do feel bad that Sam picks on him so.

Chloe is beginning to communicate more and more--especially with her nose! She kept boinking me with it the other day and I finally figured she was trying to tell me that she needed/wanted to go outside! What a trip! She and Jake love the new toys we got them and play with them and with each other a lot.

The weather up north where we lived for so many years was really bad over the week end. Even though we had our month's share of rain in one day(!), I'm glad we're down here instead of up there!

Dad fell through the attic ceiling yesterday--at least one of his legs did! He was trying to install a light fixture for my closet and mis-stepped! So now we have extra ventilation! He's ok although he did scrape his leg and his cheek which seem to be better this morning. An example of no good deed going unpunished, I guess.

Not sure which direction I'm heading today. But I'm sure I'll find one or two!

Peace!

Carol

Happy Valentine's Day & Happy Birthday Iris!

We celebrated Valentine's Day last night with a chocolate cheesecake decorated with sweetened sour cream and hand dipped (by me!) strawberries. I'll take the leftovers plus some Valentine cookies to bowling today. Hope I get rid of the rest of the stuff 'cause that cheesecake is too good!

Spent the better part of the day in the kitchen. I also did stuffed shells and Benjamin scarfed them up like candy! For the first time in a long time he didn't need encouragement to clean his plate! 'Course he was after the dessert but that's ok--he earned it big time!

Benjamin gave us a wonderful hand-made card to Mai Mai and PaPa and a red carry container with a cute little red monkey inside that whistles! I loved it! Perfect gifts for someone like me--don't know what dad will get out of it but he enjoyed the card and got a charge out of the monkey.

We watched an old chick-flick type of movie last night after they left that had some elements of truth in it for sure. Funny to see how much actors have aged in the past 20 yrs. when you see them in the movie and compare them to now!

Today is what I consider to be my "free" day and I always look forward to Thursdays. Dad will take on the second day of his computer training course--basic but good for him to have it presented in different ways.

Not sure what I'll do this afternoon but probably work on some craft stuff. I'm way behind and need to get going on that.

Nothing much else to report--46 degrees headed for the 60s so can't complain.

I hear Charlie crowing so need to let him out to proclaim is aliveness to the world!

Peace!

Carol

Beau & Luke's Excellent Adventures

Yesterday was busy and challenging--never felt I ever got it together!

Started the day w/a walk with my friend even though rain threatened. At the end of our block live a couple of little beagles, Beau and Luke. They had escaped their enclosure and came running happily towards us eager to join us in our adventure! This was not the first time they'd escaped and this time I determined to put them in our yard until their parents came home. But when we made another pass, they had escaped our yard as well!

At this point, rain (much needed) threatened so we gathered them up again and got Luke into our house while Beau refused and by then it was raining so we tried to keep an eye on him and then he disappeared! Meanwhile, Luke made himself at home and ultimately slept on my lap while I sat at the computer!

I started some laundry and Dad went to his computer class when all the dogs set up a fuss because someone was at the door. There was a gentlemen serving me with the papers I'd been expecting--very nice and concerned about my dogs--although one wasn't mine!

I left Duke, Chloe and Jake in the back yard while I picked Dad up from his computer class. From there we went to Copy Corner to pick up and slice apart bookmarks I had made for the Unity Conference--slicing them apart took 3 hrs! Did some grocery shopping and when we got back home, everyone was fine but still no sign of Beau--at his house or ours.

Meanwhile, Luke seemed to be making himelf at home, peeing and pooping on our carpet several times but being very sweet and playing with Chloe--Jake routinely ignores young upstarts!

Still doing laundry, stewing about the papers served--I'm being sued for $250,000!--talking to my insurance agent who is trying to calm me down--successfully--this is more or less routine--strictly business like negotiating a house--always ask for more than you expect to get. Lots of reassurances that it will likely not come to trial but pointing out many factors in my favor--Maybe I'll send him some home made cookies?!

Typed a note to Beau and Luke's parents that we had one of their dogs but not the other and ran it down to their place--we don't know them--with our phone number. Turns out they're home and Beau and let himself back in the fence and they were frantic for Luke calling animal shelters. I ran back to get Luke and they were very grateful--I was actually prepared to take him off their hands if they didn't want him he's so sweet! But now they have our phone number and know how to reach us if they escape again and I know their names.

How life works--we were going to the copy center anyway so it was convenient for us to have copies made of the document--25 pgs. long that makes it look like I intentionally hit this guy!--and we were able to get it in the mail right away. I NEVER go to the copy center--this was one of the first times I'd been there for a project they'd done for me!

Anyway, made the salmon and broccoli and fed Dad--still working on laundry -- and madehis oatmeal cookies--put some wheat germ in them this time and he proclaimed perfection! Also made up cookies and started a crust that needs to be finished today. Don't know why I'm making a chocolate cream cheese cake, pepermint heart cookies and strong arm cookies--made with a lot of fruit--for today along with Paula Dean's stuffed shells for tonight's dinner when the kids come over--but that's what's lined up for today.

I've done my Yee and finished the laundry and am ready for a brisk--36 degree this AM--walk. Let Charlie out--he was up when I was!--and he immediately headed to the corner of the garden where he could crow his greetings to the world!

Looks like sun today!

Peace!

Carol

I Woke Charlie Up!

I woke up Charlie this morning! Very unusual. He usually crows off and on throughout the night so I was at first worried. But when I peeked inside his little house, he was still there. Afterwards, I heard him crow from the corner of the garden as if to get the best possible advantage for any other chicken to hear his call.

Dad's eye seems to be better. A trip to the dr. indicated a possible infection. How fortuituous that I happened to be going through some medicines in my cabinet and found a cream I'd had to use for a similar incident last year. I brought it to the dr. office and showed it to him and he was pleasaed and said this was good to use on the eye.

At first it didn't seem to do much good but by last night, he was feeling the effects and this AM says the affected eye almost feels better than the other one!

Busy day yesterday--trips to the copy center (I actually had burned the cd properly!), some revisions, and then a trip to see if the convention center will meet our needs for the conference at the end of the month--it will. Then after-care and another trip to the copy center to approve a proof for the bookmark I developed for the conference center. Interesting about liviing in a college town: This copy operation is open from 7AM to 2AM daily!!!! They said my project will be ready this morning but I'm not going up at 7 to find out!

Not sure what this day will bring and I need to plan it but I have a cup of coffee and have done my Yee so I'm sure things will fall into place.

Hope it rains--we need it!

Peace!

Carol

It's 61 degrees at 7:15 AM heading for a high of 72 today. I hear Charlie crowing. Lately, I'm trying to let him out of his little enclosure when I first get up--he seems to like that--maybe following the old axiom of the "early bird gets the worm!".

Lots of stuff going on--again more soul-searching and not always good about that--often cranky--not sure what that's all about. But talking to my granddaughters and my son and his wife do help alleviate some of the pressures.

Trying to work outside more lately. With good weather, this is possible. Dad is making progress on his greenhouse trying to get it to the point of being useable. We ordered more clips but they haven't come in yet. These are necessary to make the panels stay in with the high winds we seem to be experiencing these days.

The blackberries are almost uncovered and we're into spreading more mulch. Amazing how many fire ant hills there are! Sure made a group crazy yesterday when I pulled weeds from their abode--luckily I noticed only one bite this AM.

Trying to get back to some basics but it's not always easy. Frustrated with myself because some things don't come easily to me! like burning a cd!!!! What's that all about and why does the process intimidate me!? Makes me feel so old!

Anyway, I'm back and going to try to make this a regular missive again.

Peace!

Carol

"The Truth Shall Set You Free!"

I've been doing a lot of soul searching lately and trying to figure out the difference between how I feel now and how I felt a few weeks ago. Listening to the speaker tapes we bought from the convention--the two speakers I liked the most make some great points.

It's often said that alcoholics are selfish and self-centered. Until recently I figured that didn't apply to me. But more and more I see myself in that role.

On the one hand, we need to be selfish enough to take care of ourselves daily in mind, body and soul. That kind of selfishness is a matter of preservation. This kind of selfisness brings renewal and strength enough to help others. But when I'm sitting in a meeting waiting for the attention to focus on me so that I can dispense my "pearls of wisdom" which most people don't even take notice of--now that's the kind of selfishness that's referred to--selfish and self-centered. To think that I have anything at all to contribute to another's well-being is very self-centered.

But it's different when I feel it from the heart. That happened last night.

Earlier in the day, I'd walked and helped Dad worm the horses. Then I'd taken my shower and dressed. Normally, I would have just put on my jeans and gone about my day. But I notices something when we attended the convention that I thought was interesting--I'd dress up a bit and how much better I'd felt about myself. Maybe I miss just a little the office attire I put on for so many years and how good it felt to make sure I looked "professional" before I stepped outside. Since the rest of yesterday would be spent in two different meetings, I decided to dress up a bit and use some of the office clothes that had been just hanging in the closet for the last couple of years.

I felt magically transformed with an added self-confidence and realized I'd done some soul feeding in doing this simple task. At the first meeting, I spoke from the heart although not without some frustration as I realized my point was not hitting home and that we were on a sensitive subject. Nonethless, I knew I was not being self-centered but rather that my audience just was not quite "there" yet as so many of them are relatively new to AA.

Came home and rested--taking care of myself again and actually asked Dad for assistance in some task--taking care of myself again.

Made Dad his cookies--taking care of him because I took care of myself and went to another meeting. Even the cookies were special as I didn't just go through the motions--I actually tried to analyze some of what I was doing to produce a better cookie--with a good degree of success though far from perfection.

Went to my last meeting when Drake attended--I'm not his biggest fan for various reasons. But there were two people (Drake and Mike) who were obviously hurting and the group came together to help them in whatever way they could. Speaking from the heart Drake said one of the statements I made almost drove him to tears and Mike thanked me for my input. What I said doesn't matter--but speaking from my heart does.

But oh beware the pride!!!! How I've lived on those comments since then! (Selfish and self-centered!) I envision myself making wondrous speeches to crowds at AA conventions waiting to hear my pearls of wisdom!

This alcoholism thing truly is a disease of the mind, body and spirit. Our mind takes us to so many places we never should be! We definitely need to feed all three to stay whole!

Peace!

Carol

I Don't Want to Die With the Music Inside me!

Yesterday I had a Duh! moment. It happened at night but it was forming all day as I thrashed about trying to figure out what was happening to me and why I was having such a hard time dealing with my friend, Millie and handling the stress that surrounded me during the holidays.

I've started reading Dr. Wayne Dyer's "10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace" and he refers to Leo Tolstoy's character Ivan Ilyich who, on his deathbed said, "What if my whole life has been wrong?"

Remembering some tenant of Stephen Covey's and references to emotional bank accounts it's starting to make sense. And Jennifer helped too as we discussed how she had to fire and sweet young girl from her first job because advertently or inadvertently the girl had jeapordized the shop's integrity--something Jenn cannot afford to have happen. But Jenn has to take care of not only herself, but her business as well. And that applies to all of us. And right now, especially to me.

I haven't been taking care of myself. I haven't enforced my emotional boundaries. I haven't made enough deposits in my personal bank account recently and I allowed others to overdraw from it without protecting my balance.

By "handling" Millie I don't have to hurt her intentionally and I have to allow her to take care of herself--I can't take care of her or give her what she wants. Only she can do that--just as I could never "give" my mother what she thought she wanted--she (as we all do) need to find that from within. For me to try to give Millie what she thinks she wants means that I have to hurt myself and do something that is uncomfortable to me--I have to protect my balance just as she must protect hers. I cannot give her what she thinks she needs--especially not at the expense of depleting stores. We can only take care of ourselves--that comes from within. And somehow, some way, Millie must do the same thing and no matter what I give her--without it coming from within herself--it will never be what she truly wants.

Now I must take care of myself--that's really what AA is all about--learning how to feed our souls and restoring that inner peace and tranquility that is there for the taking if we can only find our way to it.

I already feel lighter, happier, and more confident. Perhaps that's the lesson (so painful these last few months) that was out there for me to learn. No one can give this to me. I must search for it myself and make it a priority to fill my bank account to overflowing to allow me to give some of it away!

Peace!

Carol

Feeling Better

Feeling better today. Tried to stay away from sugar--think that's the culprit behind my down periods.

Got the new rice cooker today. Looks great and hope to get it going soon.

Not much to report. Making a bean soup right now and made some garlic parmesan rolls earlier with yeast!

Be well!

Peace!

Carol

How Many Times Do We Keep Trying?

Having a rough time keeping New Year's resolutions and not sure why. How many times do we start over? And failure brings sorrow and self-abuse.

Maybe I need to get away from things.

I'll keep trying but it is discouraging not to see any change immediately.

Peace!

Carol

Trying to Catch Up!

The picture is of the glorious forsythia bush we finally managed to get to survive up North. Can't grow them down here but there are lots of other pretty colors here so I'll have to get busy and take some new pictures!

This will be a busy week end for us as we host an Al-Anon couple for the SETA convention here. She is a speaker Sat. afternoon but we will meet them tonight, take them to their room and then have dinner with them while we introduce them tonight to other speakers. We're looking forward to it.

Finally getting some much-needed rain and it is cold here--36 degrees. But up in the Chicago area it's only 9 so not complaining. Perspective is everything!

Have made some little progress in cleaning up and throwing out but need to get going on my room and that is a major project to begin next week. But there are more meetings ahead in reference to AA and that might delay things. Still, I need to get going.

Bowled fairly well yesterday and our team was rewarded with a sweep! Felt good!

Hate to let the dogs in with their muddy feet but looks like it's time for them to eat!

Peace!

Carol

Irony

Ironically, the friend I wrote about called me yesterday (after I'd sent the letter! but before she got it). I guess we're ok. She kinda cajoled me out of a bad mood, interestingly.

I think the chocolate and it's effects is gradually leaving my body and I'm slowly beginning to feel a bit better and a bit more ambitious. We'll see how the day goes.

Good to talk with the girls and Megumi yesterday. I love Iris's new twist on the word "gramma"!--Grrrramma! She is so special!

Got more roses pruned and dad moved two bushes that we hope will flourish with more sun as they climb their way over the arch to the garden. We've finally gotten some rain--not enough but a bit to get things started. We need a couple inches more but this should make pulling weeds a bit better.

Today I will run the vacuum now that the new belt is installed and cook. I think I'll feel better then!

Peace!

Carol

How do you hurt a friend?

How do you hurt--or not hurt--a truly good friend? One who loves you beyond all measure--or perhaps thinks she loves you no matter what--or is there something in your personal self she would not love if she knew the truth about you?

I really don't know. This friend of mine would smother me with her love and tries to. And I don't appreciate that. I resent it. I feel stifled by it. Yet, I do have feelings for her. I admire her work and her ethics--even if they're a bit too strong for me.

What do you say to someone who drives you crazy with her affection? What's wrong with me that I don't appreciate such feelings?

A good friend visited us recently and I did not appreciate her. The timing was bad and the visit too long. She wanted to help me but I didn't want her help. There were things I wanted to accomplish without her help. She didn't understand this. How do you explain privacy and ownership to someone? How do you tell someone to back off? That their intentions, as good as they are, are not appreciated?

And then, do I do the same thing? Do I try to do too much for people? Do I, in turn, turn off others by doing the same things she does?

How do we know what's appreciated and what's not? There are so many gifts I have to give and so few people who truly appreciate what I have to offer---this has been the pattern in my life and, it would seem, the pattern in my friend's as well. How does one find this balance? To give where it's appreciated; to hold back when it's not or even to know what specific thing is appreciated and what's not?

Some times I think it boils down to when to say "no" and when to say "yes". It's hard for me to say "no". I don't like hurting people and I want to be all things to all people. I want everyone to love me--not like--but love. Yet, I find that often when they do I don't always appreciate it--but some times I do! When do I appreciate it and when do they appreciate it?!

Difficult. Difficult. Difficult.

These are ramblings. But I'm glad I put it down on electronic paper!

Peace!

Carol

Trying to Gently Awaken

The beginning of this new year has been hard on me and I've been trying to analyze the reasons, although I suppose in the long run, it really doesn't matter.

Of course, as always, I did too much over the holidays and that was complicated by long visits by two separate entities which cut into my usual holiday preparations. Sure, they helped around the house and tried to make minimal demands on my time, but overall, they were here and their being here hampered my ability to do things at my own pace. On the other hand, it did help me set deadlines and in some cases, I actually got more done in a more timely manner than I would have without these interruptions.

So what is the problem, really? The more I think about it, the more I think the problem is SUGAR!!! Being an alcoholic, I once relied on alcohol to drown out my sorrows and give me the comfort I felt I needed when I was stressed. Of course, the stress never went away, but I did find oblivion for a brief period of time. Gentle oblivion which I paid for dearly with relentless hangovers which caused me to seek more comfort; i.e., alcohol which would once again send me into oblivion which would, etc., etc., etc.

Well, I no longer drink and so my "solace" is gone but, of course, where there's a void, something else is going to creep in to fill it and the holidays offer many opportunities to fill that void with things that are not normally eaten on a regular basis--especially sugary things. And being the true alcoholic, one (cookie, pc. of candy, whatever) is too much and too much is never enough. It is beyond me to have one pc. of chocolate--I must have the entire bar or bag!

And, I've suffered for it mightily, not only in pounds gained but in attitude lost not to mention physical problems that begin to attend such binges including the headaches and general malaise heretofore attributed to hangovers!

So, what to do? I suppose the reason is obvious yet I truly do not want to face it any more than I wanted to face giving up those wonderful alcoholic beverages. But truth be told, I'm beginning to see that to remain healthy and in the best interests of myself and those I hold dear, sugar in the form of anything extra must be viewed by me in the same light as alcohol. How sad! How much I will miss it! It has been such a wonderful friend and comfort to me over the years! I do not want to do this!

But yet, I feel I must if I'm to live the kind of life I want to live.

Dear readers, please wish me well on this new path devoid of sweets. And encourage me not to stray even at the sweet upcoming holidays rich with temptations. There must be other addictions that are healthier if not tastier and I will try to find them to integrate them into my lifestyle.

Peace!

Carol

Continuing On

After placing the very ugly meringue on top of the pie mixture, it had to bake for 30 min. -- now we're looking at 5 o-clock--it still had to cool before serving time less than 2 hrs. later!

Meanwhile, back to the meat mixture which was to be cooking for 45 min. Oh well, I could start on the cheese mixture--eggs, ricotta--not enough of that! so add in some cottage cheese! Oh yes, and an extra egg for good measure! Oops--need to cook the noodles! Thankfully, that doesn't take long and the meat mixture is finally done--in time for me to take the pie out of the oven--it's 5:30 now! and let it cool--no way it's gonna be cool enough and "set" enough by serving time so--nearly straight from the oven into the freezer!!!!! Makes the freezer more efficient you know!

Now to construct the lasagna--layer of noodles, layer of cheese mix., layer of meat mixture, top with mozzarella and repeat--but I don't like the way the layers look! why do they end with the meat mixture on top?! So I add another topping of cheese and put it in the oven. I'm exhausted! Have to sit down for a minutes and still have to get his gift together!

Luckily, my husband, has been very helpful in getting the table ready and it really looks nice complete with a fresh tablecloth! Wow!

A quick 10 min. break--got the gift together!--check on the pie still melting things in the freezer!--and start wondering about an appetizer--why didn't I pick up some avocados?! Oh well, imitation crab bits to the rescue--of course, no cocktail sauce--have to make one up quickly!

And then the guests arrive--Jenn, Benjamin and Jeff! Jeff looks spiffy in the new shirt and tie Jenn gave him for Christmas and is now clean-shaven after relieving himself of the beard he tried to grow over the holiday break. Does he look 39? Hadn't thought about it until now and I'd have to say no. He looks shiny! And like he feels good! Perhaps a touch of gray but that's hardly noticeable after a fresh haircut he'd treated himself to that day. His hair has gotten so dark! Not the blond boy I brought home from the hospital on a snowy January day!

Speaking of snowy January day--lasagna was always a good choice in Illinois when the temps could easily be in the teens or near 0 at this time of year--not so good to have the oven on when it's near 80 outside! But finally, everything was ready after Jeff opened his (approved of!) gifts.

I was a little nervous about the pie--but let it continue to sit in the freezer--as it turned out--another mistake. When I showed the browned barely-there and clumpy meringue to Jennifer she comfortingly told me that it will all ultimately look the same once it's in our tummies! Bless her!

Ok--the lasagna wasn't so bad--but I did taste the freezer burn--never do that again! And the pie? Well, of course, it had gone from being too hot to being partially frozen and quickly beginning to melt as it barely held up the candles put on it while we sang the traditional birthday song! But I must admit, it did taste good and our guests were happy to take leftovers home!

Lessons that should have been learned years ago? Don't rush and prepare ahead! Much of this could have been avoided if I'd started earlier--even the day before! Even at my age, I still forget perspective!

Meanwhile, on to other projects! Some deep down straightening with a goal to rid our possessions by 10% or more by the end of the year! The living room has been gone through and today I'll hit the back entry way/laundry room. The incentive of a group garage sale at the end of the month is helpful.

And then there's committee work and the SETA convention for which were hosting a couple that will completely involve the week end of the 18th-20th.

Oh--and there's a baby to be born and a couple of birthdays coming up.

BTW--we did end Jan. 7 with a call to Aunt Ruth in Indiana whose birthday is the same date--72 min. later we determined she is fine and as strong as can be for one in her mid-80s. Thanks again to Dad who was able to talk at length with her so I could doze for a bit!

Peace!

Carol

Gentle Readers

Yesterday was interesting, if not challenging.

It was our first born's 39th birthday and I wanted everything to be just right. That means--clean house, perfect meal (lasagna, garlic bread, salad, key lime pie--perhaps an appetizer) and clean me! Well--the best laid plans..........you know the rest!

I did manage to clean the upholstery on the kitchen chairs--but they don't look like it! I know their clean by the amount of cat hair I scrubbed off of them but no matter the method I used, the stains remain. Since Jeff often comes here in dark suits--to be sure he remained somewhat intact I still covered the chairs with clean towels.

Vacuumed the best I could with a cleaner whose belt is broken--ah, well, at least it has good suction power!

Ran out of time. Had to go to a meeting and then pick up some last minute things from the store. Didn't get home until 3PM. Grabbed something quick to eat before starting on the key lime pie. Now where was that cornstarch!!! A 15 minute search finally netted the ingredient but it took forever to boil the stuff and there were other ingredients either not handy or not thought of! Meanwhile it had to cool--so on to making the merenge. The pie still had not cooled enough to top with the topping even after sitting in the freezer for a few minutes so on to the lasagna.

Luckily I'd purchased some ground beef a day or so before but the recipe called for sausage too so I (against my better judgment) pulled out an old packet of ground sausage to add to the mix. Now I have enough ingredients to make two lasagnas!

While the meat is browning, I decide the pie mixture is finally almost cool enough to top with the merenge. Big mistake! Somehow, the once beautiful topping had begun to separate and would not prettily sit on top of the pie mixture. No fluffy pillows of merengue! More like clumps!

To be continued!

A New Year Rant

I love this time of year because it offers new beginnings. It's not that we can't start something new at any time of the year, but it seems most appropriate now or on birthdays.

There is so much I need to learn--not the least of which is how to say "no". Someone recently told me, "just because I say 'no', doesn't mean I don't love you!". I need to keep that in mind when something comes up which I "know" is not good for me.

Case in point: we had visitors (3 including my friend's 93 yr. old mother) the first week in November. The timing was bad for me but I couldn't say "no"--didn't want to hurt her feelings and as it turned out, I did anyway because I so much resented the visit and ultimately she picked up on that. Now, in retrospect, she never asked if the timing was good--she just made the assumption especially since she was doing something else in the area. And, actually, if she'd just dropped by, it wouldn't have been so bad--but they stayed for 10 days!

Approx. 3 weeks later, my brother came for a 10 day visit--leaving just 4 days before Christmas. I loved seeing him and in both cases, both visitors were extremely productive here and worked very hard helping us out in many ways. But Christmas is a very busy time for me and there were a lot of things I wanted to do. One or the other of the visits might have been ok. But the two of them together just about did me in!

My daughter-in-law--sweet as she is--always seems to want our visits to be longer than they have been in the past. So, against my better judgment (should have said "no" again!) I extended this latest visit to longer than I should have and it was a mistake. The problem with people you only see once or twice a year is that there is a tendency to try to cram 6 mos. of living into a few days and it just doesn't work. It's no longer a visit--it's living together. And living together with people you only see once every 6 mos. it not always easy and there are bound to be conflicts if the lines of communication aren't clear.

Once words are said, they can't be caught back. I surely wish there was an edit button on my mouth! But given the circumstances and the stresses I was under previously, I guess it's no wonder I wasn't more cautious. Keeping one's mouth shut for 10 days is extremely difficult!

But there surely were good times as well like seeing the ferries in Seattle while eating lunch (just like in Grey's Anatomy!) and hugs and tickle times with our beautiful granddaughters--we now can only play those tapes over and over in our minds. I will never forget how little Iris - not quite 3 yrs. old--brought my hand to her lips as we approached the airport and bestowed a gentle kiss!

Today, we put away Christmas! Slowly I'm disposing of things. Not as much as I'd like, but as much as I can and even if it's only 1%/yr. it better than nothing. Now for the rest of the house! If only I can give or throw away 10% of what's in this house, it will make my life easier!

Tomorrow is my oldest son's 39th birthday! How grateful I am to be alive for this! I get to make him lasagna and a key lime pie! His wife and son will get him a chocolate chip cookie cake! And I want to have the living room and kitchen cleaned up so we can all relax together!

My younger son said that perhaps cooking is my zazen--if that's so--I'll be in my element tomorrow!

Be well and happy!

Peace!

Carol

HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM THE PACIFIC NW

Haven't been posting much lately because we've been visiting our son and his family in the Pacific NW and I hate typing on this tiny computer. But it is the new year-we celebrated several times last night as it fell into different time zones--and the need for renewal is present.

Everyone is still sleeping at this point so I have a few moments alone. I love this time of year--it brings me new hope and anticipation. Always a good opportunity to turn over a new personal leaf--the drawing of a line in the sand that says this is where the good habits start and the bad habits end. Of course, this can be done on any particular day during any time of a year but it seems more poignant for this, the beginning of my 65th year of life on this planet.

We have two more days here to collect enough hugs and kisses from our precious granddaughters to last until the next time we see them. But, there's never enough and my heart is already bracing for the separation. What a joy are these two tiny miracles!

I've been doing a lot of cooking while I've been here. 1: Cooking seems to be what I do; 2: it seems to be appreciated. Is there anything on earth more satisfying than feeding people and watching the expressions on their faces as they savor the flavors that cross their pallets? I love to do crafts but the most productive and life-changing ones are definitely the most rewarding. Sewing a dress or beading a new bracelet or earrings is fun, but satisfying a hunger with the addition of unexpected but wonderful flavors is beyond satisfaction to the creator.

Their kitchen is terrible! But I've found satisfaction in making it work for me somehow. Even produced unburned cookies this time--albeit on newly purchased cookie sheets! And producing enough for them to store in their freezer allows me to leave a few memories behind (how selfish and vain of me!)

New Year's resolutions are the usual and I will have time to reflect on them on the long ride back home on Thursday. I've missed my animals and my home but not so much that I haven't enjoyed the moments here. I believe Jordan is responsible for this--I think since reading his blog, I've learned to enjoy the moment more. Thanks, Jordan. Perhaps it is possible to teach old dogs new tricks!

I hear a morning cough and know there will soon be activity in the house as the inhabitants begin to awake to the first day of the new year--although they ushered it in but a few short hours ago! The stove awaits me!

Peace!

Carol