A New Year Rant

I love this time of year because it offers new beginnings. It's not that we can't start something new at any time of the year, but it seems most appropriate now or on birthdays.

There is so much I need to learn--not the least of which is how to say "no". Someone recently told me, "just because I say 'no', doesn't mean I don't love you!". I need to keep that in mind when something comes up which I "know" is not good for me.

Case in point: we had visitors (3 including my friend's 93 yr. old mother) the first week in November. The timing was bad for me but I couldn't say "no"--didn't want to hurt her feelings and as it turned out, I did anyway because I so much resented the visit and ultimately she picked up on that. Now, in retrospect, she never asked if the timing was good--she just made the assumption especially since she was doing something else in the area. And, actually, if she'd just dropped by, it wouldn't have been so bad--but they stayed for 10 days!

Approx. 3 weeks later, my brother came for a 10 day visit--leaving just 4 days before Christmas. I loved seeing him and in both cases, both visitors were extremely productive here and worked very hard helping us out in many ways. But Christmas is a very busy time for me and there were a lot of things I wanted to do. One or the other of the visits might have been ok. But the two of them together just about did me in!

My daughter-in-law--sweet as she is--always seems to want our visits to be longer than they have been in the past. So, against my better judgment (should have said "no" again!) I extended this latest visit to longer than I should have and it was a mistake. The problem with people you only see once or twice a year is that there is a tendency to try to cram 6 mos. of living into a few days and it just doesn't work. It's no longer a visit--it's living together. And living together with people you only see once every 6 mos. it not always easy and there are bound to be conflicts if the lines of communication aren't clear.

Once words are said, they can't be caught back. I surely wish there was an edit button on my mouth! But given the circumstances and the stresses I was under previously, I guess it's no wonder I wasn't more cautious. Keeping one's mouth shut for 10 days is extremely difficult!

But there surely were good times as well like seeing the ferries in Seattle while eating lunch (just like in Grey's Anatomy!) and hugs and tickle times with our beautiful granddaughters--we now can only play those tapes over and over in our minds. I will never forget how little Iris - not quite 3 yrs. old--brought my hand to her lips as we approached the airport and bestowed a gentle kiss!

Today, we put away Christmas! Slowly I'm disposing of things. Not as much as I'd like, but as much as I can and even if it's only 1%/yr. it better than nothing. Now for the rest of the house! If only I can give or throw away 10% of what's in this house, it will make my life easier!

Tomorrow is my oldest son's 39th birthday! How grateful I am to be alive for this! I get to make him lasagna and a key lime pie! His wife and son will get him a chocolate chip cookie cake! And I want to have the living room and kitchen cleaned up so we can all relax together!

My younger son said that perhaps cooking is my zazen--if that's so--I'll be in my element tomorrow!

Be well and happy!

Peace!

Carol