Bowling: 142, 117, 140--399 total--just 1 shy of 400! Good for me but not good enough for the team as we lost 4 to our opponents who were in last place! Ah well. We don't come to bowl (obviously!)--just to bond with friends and go out to eat.

Munching came back with a vengence last night. Can't explain it. Had been pretty good earlier in the week but last night was shot. TV reruns--guess it's due to the writer's strike. Looks like new shows next week. We'll see. Did get some crocheting done.

Shop was slow yesterday. Did do some experimenting and made up a couple of bracelets and a pair of earrings. Good to see Liz. She's very nice. Jenn in a funky mood to which she admitted. Most likely due to the change in plans from being ready to gear up to that no longer being needed.

With business so slow yesterday and her expecting a former employee back today, I offered to stay home today which is good for both her and me. Thinking of asking if Benjamin can play hooky and help us put up outside decorations today. I'll call in a few minutes.

Looks like she has things pretty well covered for next week which is great as this will help me get more done for the holidays.

Jordan: there will be a pkg. of cookies--just be patient. Let me make them first!

Aside from our normal meetings tomorrow, looks like the week end will be quiet and hope to accomplish much. Next week will be busier,

Major breakthrough in understanding Jenn's Mom a little better last night and her handling of Benjamin. Really sad and wonder what triggered her original feelings. And makes me wonder why, under somewhat similar circumstances, I did not develop along the same path? In many ways, we're so similar but one thing that has always been important to me is that people respect me rather than love me. In her, it seems to have been reversed. I've always thought of her as the better grandmother (and she is wonderful!) but I do see things differently now.

Not much else. Very foggy here as temps rise. 56 now at 7 AM going into the 70s today. Could wish for cooler weather but I'll take what I have compared to ice and snow!

Peace!

Carol

Major is Back!

Yesterday, Major, the old Boxer dog belonging to the new people who moved in across the street, was out. We didn't think anything of it--we've seen him out before and he's never left his yard. But yesterday he seemed to be wandering around and on several occasions during our walk, we tried to steer him back to his own place. No car in the driveway.

Bella (another neighbor's dog) came for a play date in our back yard (so glad Dad got it fenced--what a blessing!) and I let her out before I left for the shop around 11. Dad said that around noon, Major's mom came looking for him and that was the last we heard! Major was wheezing when we saw him and a 9 yr. old Boxer dog is old! So we were very concerned. Meanwhile, the car was gone again.

I made cookies when I came home from the shop (sorry, Jordan, no cookies in this pkg.--they weren't made before I mailed it!) but my concern for Major grew. So I sent Dad over with a few cc cookies for Major's mom after I saw the car in the driveway to ask if Major had returned. As we had hoped, Major and Bella had bonded and were playing at the end of our subdivision area--both safe from traffic and the train! What wonderful news! Why we should be so concerned over a neighbor's animals I don't know but we were and Dad managed to get their phone numbers so that we can call next time--although I don't mind sending cookies--they seem to appreciate them!

Mr. Yee's DVD would not be difficult to carry with on the trip. It is his AM/PM Yoga. I've only done the PM a few times and it is done by someone else. But Rodney's wake-up stretch is so good! I talked myself into it this morning reasoning that I would be bowling later and didn't need any more than that for exercise today but am so glad I didn't listen to myself as the stretching process feels so good and really does start my day off well! Every day I seem to be able to stretch just a tiny bit more. Although I think I have the routine memorized, his gentle reminders do help.

Worked at the shop yesterday longer than I expected. But it was good to be of some assistance to the customers. Jenn let me re-design a wall with reds, greens, silvers and golds and said she was pleased and it gave me something to do. She has some new beads that are absolutely amazing in their sparkle and low price! I'll probably spend my "salary" on some of them!

Jeff and Jenn had put in a bid on the other bead shop in town that is going out of business (the people are moving to Oregon!) but the bid did not work out although it was generous. As most do, the people have over-valued their business and the owner seems to think she could teach Jenn something--not likely--I've met Cindy and she talks more than she should and thinks she knows more than she does. I truly believe Cindy and her husband will regret turning Jeff and Jenn down but, in any case, her leaving will not hurt Jenn and I honestly don't believe anyone else can come in and do the job anything like Jenn is doing. Cindy is a beader who wanted to open a bead store. Jenn is a business woman who happened to open a bead store. The team of Jeff and Jenn are hard to beat!

Benjamin came over asking for shrimp yesterday! Unfortunately, that wasn't on the menu but I promised him some next week. He is getting excited about Christmas and wants us to put up our decorations (I told him we'd start Friday). Benjamin is growing up and I'm liking what I see.

Dad located a possible source for a new girlfriend or two for Charlie. These would be full size hens but the owner seems to think a banty rooster could keep them in line! Hope things work out. Charlie seems so lonely and doesn't seem to crow any more although our windows are closed with these cooler temps so maybe we're just not hearing him.

Supposed to be warming up today. 65 today and 75 by Sat. into the 40s at night. I can take that!

Cookie baking is coming along. Still have more things to make but will take some time out for decorations. Dad is cleaning up the front so the lights will look good when they're applied. Second project finished except for a finishing touch or two. Not much time to begin the 3rd project--might not be until Sunday--but am so far pleased. The second one turned out better than the first and hope the third one (the most important one!) will be the best!

Bowling today then at the shop from 2-5:30--which is closing. Good TV night so it should be a good day!

Peace!

Carol

Chloe's Graduation!

Chloe graduated but wasn't too thrilled with wearing the cap! The teacher probably got the best picture, though. She did well but we'll wait awhile before putting her in the next class. She needs to calm down a bit more. When she got home, she and Jake terrorized Sabu. Maybe Santa will bring her a shock collar!

Helping out at the bead shop was good although it was slow which had it's advantages. Jenn had some exciting news to share. Scary in some ways. I should know more when I go in today. I am trying right now to remember not to get too involved and that I need to focus and what is best for me. Although I want to help my children, I can't be fully helpful unless I'm okay with me as well!

Managed to start Project #2 and got the Chinese New Year Cookies made! Couldn't believe I got 4 doz. of those done in 30 minutes! Today I'll try to finish the #2 project and work on getting all the Chocolate Chip Cookies done. That will be a project in itself but I should have the rest of the day with no place to go after the bead shop from 11-1.

Got up at 5:45 today and did the Yee thing. What a wonderful tape that is when I can convince myself to do it! A short series of exercises that take only 15 to 20 min. but addresses every part of the body and makes one feel good all over! Wonder if I should bring it to WA with me so I can use it there. I always feel so much bettter after these gentle stretches.

Speaking of WA reminds me that Megumi has mentioned a trip to Seattle. Wonder if that would be feasible at Christmastime? In other words, what will the roads be like and would the fish market be as much fun as it is in the summer? Also, I'm thinking that maybe Megumi would prefer a spa treatment? But what of Jordan? The girls? So many thoughts!

Goodie boxes to 10 families this year. I think the spiced pecans turned out pretty good and I might need more. If I get the cc cookies made today, perhaps I'll have time to also do the biscotti?

Tomorrow there won't be as much time. Bowling in AM and Jenn has me scheduled from 2-5:30. Friday should be light--11-1 again but, depending on what happened last night, the week end might be filled up with a major project for the shop. We'll see. Need to take one step at a time.

Friday night we'll likely join Jeff and Jenn and Benjamin to see the holiday lights in the park. One thing about this part of the country--they'll serve milk and cookies and give live performances for free! And the lights are always pretty.

However, there is a display that is absolutely outstanding not far from here but does cost a bunch! Maybe when Lloyd gets here it would be some place to take him although I have no idea if that sort of thing interests him.

Am getting kind of excited about his visit! My "little" brother! Wonder what he'll be thinking of his older sister (other than that she's completely nuts!) after his visit! Sure do love him!

Feeling pretty good right now! Thank you Mr. Yee! Ready to start my day!

Peace!

Carol

Meetings were pretty good yesterday. Brought the pjs and the new project to after-care for feedback. The new project turned out ok but needs some tweaking but everyone thought it was pretty good. Hope to work on the second one this afternoon.

Made Dad's cookies--turned out better than the last time when Millie was here--didn't have anyone interrupting me in mid-add-in! Also made up some spiced pecans which I think I'll send out this year.

These packages will go to people who usually send us gifts from Figi's, Harry and David, Hickory Farms. What makes me think they'll be satisfied with home-made stuff?! But that's what I'm going to do anyway!

Walking a bit later today to accommodate Linda. She is so busy! Can't imagine having 4 kids (and home schooling them, too!) and living anything like a normal life! I'm sure her faith is what helps her get through it. Very inspiring person.

Charlie survives but don't hear him crowing much. Sure wish we could find him another partner or two!

Will be working at the shop from 11-1 these next couple of days. Glad I can help out. Gives me an incentive to be more organized!

Maybe I can get the Chinese New Year Cookies made today. Finals in "Dancing" tonight and then that show is over. Chloe "graduates" tonight. She's getting better about "down" now but still only hears her name when she wants to!

Got a good night's sleep last night so hope to accomplish much today!

Peace!

Carol

I was awakened in the middle of the night by love bites on my mouth! I thought I was dreaming but then it turned out to be Sam who is on my lap now and continuing to love-bite my hand! He's asking to be fed but the affections of this 20# cat are interesting and touching.

Accomplished a lot yesterday, I think. Made up the spiced tea and sampled it--pleased that it could have stood more dilution and it would have been even better. Need to keep that in mind when I do up the directions.

Made progress on our Christmas lists (cards, gifts, etc.). Also made up the rum balls but think I may need to make up more. Ended the evening with peppermint bark--new recipe for me and can think of a better way to make it.

Worked on my new project. Frustrated with final results and hope a trip to Hobby Lobby will solve the problem. May have to re-do part of it to get what I want. But pleased that it can/should take much less time the second and third time around.

Dad's cookies are nearly gone so will probably start off with his today. Poor Dad, he is secretary on two different committees and struggles so with his duties. I relate; I am treasurer of one group and hate doing that, too!

Strange pain in my upper left back and can't imagine where that is coming from! What the heck did I do now!?

Down to 36 this AM heading for 60 later today. Didn't see Charlie last night. Hope he's ok. It's rained for 2 days straight and I know this is tough on him without anyone to snuggle up to!

Darby, Chloe and Jake all played in the mud yesterday and all got baths! Darby sleeps near me when he's inside. Every time I moved yesterday I felt like I was leading a parade!

Need to begin working on verses for the card.

Peace!

Carol

Turkey soup didn't turn out to be too bad--a little bland perhaps. The turkey this year didn't have much flavor. Hope to work up a salad with grapes today. That usually turns out pretty good.

Not a bad day yesterday--although it did rain all day. That's ok. We could use it. The grass is getting greener! High of only 45 today but 62 tomorrow and 68 on Tuesday.

Darby is over now and the dogs all seem to get along pretty well running around in the yard. They say that Darby goes crazy when he thinks he might be going to "gramma's house"! Of course, they're all getting quite muddy now but we'll deal with that later.

Finished the pjs. Now on to the next project which will remain unmentioned here as I know someone who reads this blog and don't want to spoil her surprise! Hope I can get it to work otu well. If I can get these together, then it's on to Christmas dresses!

Hope to start some of the baking today. Want to include some spiced tea and spiced pecans this year along with the usual baked goods. May use up some of the special containers I've bought in the past for other things that just don't seem to be getting done. Meanwhile, these hang around getting dusty.

Hope Dad can help me with Christmas Lists and suggestions as well as to start collecting ideas for the card. If we can get all this done before Lloyd gets here it will be a bonus! Also told Jenn to schedule me as she needs me next week as her help as temporarily desserted her for other demands made on their time. The other bead shop is closing so it will be interesting to see if someone will buy it or if they'll just go out of business. Meanwhile sales are going well for Jenn. She does seem quite sad these days--lots on her mind. I worry about her and hope to help as much as a I can and still get my own stuff done.

I've noticed that when I try to concentrate on doing one things all day long I get very little accomplished. I do better when I can change up projects and give myself mini-deadlines.

Went to the meeting I was trying to avoid yesterday--things came up that convinced me to go and am glad I did--feel better for it. Dad said he'd like to continue to go to that one as it is a step study--but that will mean shooing Jeff and Benjamin out a bit early after breakfast--we'll see how this works.

Binged some more last night. I was fine until I started with the leftover pumpkin pie and then the justification that it was Sat. night and it was ok. Gained back 3 of the # I lost before Millie but hoping today will be the beginning of getting back on track. I think it can be done! And want to get it done. I surely don't feel as good as I did a few weeks ago when I was a big lighter and a bit better toned. To accomplish everything I want to get done I need to be in good shape!

Peace!

Carol

Nearly 3 AM--full moon or close--I can always tell--sleeping becomes more difficult! But I will go back to bed soon.

Made Turkey soup and chunks and slices and divided between Jeff and Jenn and us. I may take some soup to Jenn for her lunch today. Don't know if we'll see Jeff for breakfast or not. Benjamin is in Copperas Cove.

Made some progress on Hannah's pj. Hope to finish it today.

A&M won their game against their top rival yesterday but doubt if it's good enough to save the coache's job. We didn't watch. Shopped during that time--stores not bad--Went to Wal-Mart--the big one in Bryan. Began picking up some stocking stuffers and ingredients for cookies--seemed to have some good deals--Sugar for $1.50/4# bag, same price for 5# of flour. Started pulling recipes for goodies to make. Want to do some things different this year. Just before checking out, the noise level in the store seemed to rise with the volume of customers. I took this to mean that the game was over and the Aggies had won and I was right.

Dad helped with some financial decisions and we actually had some good communication. Always this seemed to be on my shoulders. Good to share the job! Dinner at Casa Ole. If we eat out these days, for Dad it's always Mexican.

The peanut butter cups are gone so that may help. Started working on some veggies--might incorporate them into an omelet today. We'll see.

Hope to accomplish a lot today and tomorrow!

Peace!

Carol

My eating disorder is in full bloom but I'm hoping the bloom will soon be fading. I can be much more analytical about it these days. If I weren't eating, I surely would be drinking! Which is worse? Eating is probably less expensive but the emotional toll is very similar!

Finished one pj and began work on another. Today I will dismantle the turkey and make soup and sandwiches. Hope to finish the other pair of pjs today and maybe even get out for a bit. We'll see.

I know I must be good to myself and sitting quietly or doing things I enjoy will be good for me. Don't know if I'll go to the meeting where much of this discouragement began last week. We'll see.

Good to talk to Denise on-line and that she's doing better.

Peace!

Carol

It's 4 AM and I need to get back to bed. Went to bed early so no real sleep deprived. Have to get up fairly early to get the big bird in the oven. Jeff and Jenn want to eat around 1 which is fine. Then they are going to meet Jenn's Mom halfway in Cameron to transfer Benjamin so he can spend some time with his other grandmother.

Jeff helped dad put a fence around the newly planted onions. Eubee seems to be recovering from his surgery. Dad fed him apple cores and peelings from the results of the apple pie.

Watched a silly movie movie last night. Should look up to see what's in the que. Tonight will be a good TV night.

Temped dropped 30 degrees in about 3 hrs. yesterday. Very interesting to see the front move in.

Looking at my feelings. Still eating badly. Trying to analyze. I know I will be ok. Do believe meditation will help. Actually, sewing helps when it's pretty easy. Almost finished with the top to Iris' pjs. Interesting closure system. The pieces are so small my machine wants to eat them! Bad machine! I love the Janome for the up-top speed control and it's versitality. But I do believe the Viking is a better quality machine. And I'm not a good enough seamstress to be able to justify anything better.

Lots to do but think I'll go back to bed. Do believe I'm on the verge of another important breakthrough in my life and know I'll be the better for it. Looking forward to coming out on the other side. Meanwhile, a bit more sleep is in order.

Peace!
Carol

I just finished reading Megumi's blog. Strangely, although at times sad, it made me feel better. Perhaps because it gives me some insight into her feelings.

Speaking of feelings, I've noticed that Dad really is upset about Clara's death. This is interesting for a number of reasons but I've come to one conclusion that might explain it: Dad's not drinking now. Before he could drown out those feelings. Any feeling--good or bad--was to some degree painful for him so he showed no emotion and never admitted that anything could be his fault. He does not like to take responsibility for his actions--it's always someone else's fault. This has been a theme throughout our marriage and explains some of my own feelings towards him. Like giving up on his really caring about anything.

I've been reluctant to help him deal with these feelings because I enjoy seeing them for perhaps the first time! I'm very sorry they cause him pain, but seeing his true sorrow is new to me. Parental death did not phase him. Nothing phased him. Now he feels! I'm hoping this can lead to better feelings overall. And perhaps make him more aware of his surroundings.

It is still difficult for me to look at Jake--the chicken-killer! And his reaction to the neighbors' dog--immediate dislike. I need to find the balance in him between his goodness and evil. I know it will come but it is taking time.

More eating last night but more aware of it and think I'll be in more control tonight. Did not accomplish as much as I wanted yesterday. Difficult day in many ways that could have been brought about by humid weather. Probably should turn on the air but am reluctant when I know change is literally in the air (a cool front is coming in with a high of only 58 tomorrow). A friend may bring her grandson over to ride Sugar--hope that doesn't materialize but have to be prepared for it. I really don't have the time to spare.

Made progress but did not finish one pj. Hope to have time to do it today.

Want to make the pumpkin and carmel apple pies for tomorrow. Although there will only be Jeff and Jenn and maybe Benjamin, pumpkin is traditional and Jeff requested the apple. The 20# bird will go far and we'll have lots of left-overs.

Still recovering from Millie's visit and am beginning to question my feelings. She feels (or at least felt) so close to me and I tried to push her away. Some times that happens with Dad too. Makes me wonder if I have a problem with anyone getting too close to me? How close is too close? I know I like a lot of personal space but feel lonely if I get too much of it. Very complicated. Something to explore.

Gotta run. Want to sew in sleeves before we walk!

Peace!

Carol

Kinda down today. Noon meeting with my sponsor again admonishing those dually addicted to seek refuge in N/A meetings in an effort to try to keep AA pure. Those stronger than me were able to stand up to her. I just get discouraged as I feel an addiction is an addiction and I would offer AA as a comfort to those who suffer from those addictions.

At least I was able to bring it up in the after-care group and do a little venting with which most agreed. Felt a little better but still came home to binge a bit and know I'd be drinking if that was available to me.

In a situation where the faster I go the behinder I get! Feel so much pressure and instead of meeting it head on I feel my head is going deeper and deeper into the sand the result of which is that I'm getting less done and more behind. Somehow I need to snap out of this and get on with my projects.

Eubee will be a been-him by the end of the day and Sugar's teeth should be in better shape. Finally called the young vet that was recommended several months ago and he said he'd come out today at 2:30. That will also take up some time.

In a place now where I just want the world to go away. I want a suspension of time and a moritorium on the demands made on me-often demands made by myself. Not dealing with this very well at all. Going to ask Dad to take Chloe in today for her class.

Neighbors got a new dog but unfortunately got a male which is not good for Jake. As good a dog as Jake is this last chicken killing leaves him wanting in my eyes and he's very aggressive towards this new dog which does not bode well. I wish they'd gotten a female--that would have helped. Jake is spending more time in his shock collar.

I need a successful, fully accomplished day. Hope I feel better by the end of this one.

Peace,

Carol

The week end was busy trying to get back to "normal". Meetings in the AM and PM. Discouraging group conscience in the AM with "oldtimer/hardliners" putting down the district's efforts in support of NY when NY themselves have urged stronger support of districts because that's where the work is done. Only 5 of us attended and I was the only dissenting vote--but I still felt at peace. Had done my best at explanations and voted my own conscience. Realize that as I respect their views I'm entitled to mine and know in the long run, things will work out as they should.

Came home to make cookies, mint brownies and a candy pizza to take to the gratitude dinner on Sunday about 100 miles away. As it turned out, Tim drove the distance in his new car so it was less tiring for us. The dinner was ok but I felt there was a lot of dead time and not enough spent on gratitude. Some good fellowship and the desserts went first! The peppermint patty brownies were a hit but in the end, there were no desserts left. People clearly needed something to do and eating seemed to fill the void.

If I had run it, I might have put the speaker first before the meal when all the blood rushes to your tummy and makes one sleepy. Her story was interesting and amazing when you hear what she was and how she is today and now dealing with substance abuse in grandchildren.

Got home a little earlier--still trying to recover from visitors and fell asleep during the movie. Much mindless eating and binging--so similar to alcoholism. Gained back nearly 2# but interestingly lost about 1.2 body fat--guess the continued walking helped and planting all those onions! Got up this AM determined to "get back on the horse" and began with Mr. Yee's tape. The stretching really helps and is needed--I can already feel the lack of it from their visit. Also helps a bit with meditation. I'll go to my meetings today and try to begin Christmas prep. Only Jeff and Jenn and maybe Benjamin here for T-Day. Angea and Dennis can't make it because his carotid artery is 90% blocked and he needs more surgery. But they're hoping Benj can come out to spend some time with them. Maybe next year.

Dad continues to work on the garage--seems inspired by our visitor's efforts which is good. Finally got some much needed rain! Rained all Sat. night. Good for the onions!

Charlie crows in the AM--wonder if he misses Clara. No response yet to my freecycle plea but our answering machine was full and perhaps we missed some calls. Will walk again this AM and try to begin some of my projects. Have stopped cooking for the after-care group--people weren't eating so felt my efforts were wasted. Lots of baking ahead. Have a 20# turkey and will make the traditional dinner Thursday but then it's into Christmas full swing. Hope to get decorations up next week end.

Hope all is well with you and yours.

Peace!

Carol

They're gone. Dennis wouldn't leave until he'd finished rototilling a part of the garden so I could plant the onion sets and he'd shored up the greenhouse to prevent high winds from further destroying it. What a gem! He (although not feeling well) accomplishes more in 3 days what 10 in-good-health men can accomplish in 10 days! Incredible!

What's even better is that they seem to have inspired Dad. Even before they left (around noon yesterday) he was already beginning the sorting process that's needed to clear off his work bench and fixing the garage door! Sure hope that he keeps that up!

But Clara is dead. Jake and Dad killed her. She was a sweet little hen and I am devastated and my heart is sad as I hear Charlie (our only remaining chicken) crow this morning. I wonder if he misses her--do chickens have feelings? She used to snuggle next to him on top of the silver bin at night. Now he will be lonely and I wonder if we can get someone to keep him company?

This after Dennis built them a nice enclosure out of scrap skids. It happened after Dad unthinkingly left both gates to the garden wide open and Jake took advantage of the opportunity to charge in and scoop her up in his powerful jaws to rip her body to shreds. At the moment, it's hard for me to deal with either one of them. I know this is a natural instinct of Jakes and it's another sign of how unthinking and careless Dad is. This has happened before.

So Charlie is alone after at one time having a harem of at least 8 hens. This is the last one. Clara hadn't laid any eggs in a while and in the normal scheme of things she would have been soup some time ago. Still, she was plucky and a companion to Charlie. There are Cochan chickens across the street but they're the full size and Charlie is a banty. But perhaps one or two would get along if they won't pick on poor Charlie.

I did accomplish getting the girls' Christmas dresses and pjs cut out while Millie was here. Now they all have to be marked and I can start sewing. But before that, I need to make desserts for the grattitude dinner we're attending tomorrow in a new place in TX for us to visit. Today will be our usual meetings and I expect Jeff and Benjamin will be here for breakfast. Dad doesn't have school next week so I'm hoping he can keep up the momentum from Dennis' good work.

At least Dad understands more how Millie can smother me and how she always knows best (or thinks she does). She takes marvelous care of her mother who, somewhere deep inside) is still there in the empty shell of her body. What a sad, sad situation. To come to this after a full life. Although Ella always seemed to have something wrong with her--early arthritis in her hip, several hip replacement surgeries one of which left her nearly dead after an anesthesia error. Now she is a big floppy doll for Millie to care for. Makes one realize how fragile life is and how fortunate we are if our bodies are functioning with any kind of normalcy.

My computer is failing. I'm hoping Lloyd will be able to bring it back to life when he gets here. Also, Dennis put in a new phone line and it's very full of static. Not easy to talk on the phone. I think Dennis can do anything!

Need to start my day!

Peace!

Carol

Dennis and Millie have discovered Dad's garage and have been working on it for the last few days! Poor Dad is a bit anxious but we've done our best to assure him it will be easier for him in the long run. There are actually paths to walk through it now!

Dennis righted the greenhouse we thought a lost cause! And it withstood yesterday's high winds so guess it's up for good now! The back of the house is almost together now now--finally after two yrs.! Dennis saved us some money by helping Dad with this too.

I am beginning to see that this place is more than Dad can handle. I don't know exactly what the problem is==physical or psychological--but it is something I need to be alert to. For me, this is the most wonderful place! I love every bit of it! But Dad seems tired all the time and unwilling to do all that is necessary to keep the place up at least not without assistance.

Part of it I think is because we made the unfair assumption that Jeff and Jenn would be able and willing to help us--I knew it would be too much for us alone. And although I think they are willing they simply are not able to help at this time in their busy lives. If Jeff's bank had not been sold, I think he would have been in more of a position but that was not meant to be.

I do think though that if I can't find a way for Dad to pick up the pace, we may have to seriously consider giving it up for something easier to handle. When I see Millie's Mom so faded away in the wheelchair, locked away in a nearly useless body, I wonder how far away Dad is from that.

Depressing thoughts but ones I need to think about. He's passed all his mental and physical tests so I wonder how much is mental. Discouraging but facts I must face.

Anyway, Millie and Dennis have decided there isn't a tool Dad doesn't have so he should be set in that dept.!

Gotta run! Maybe more tomorrow!

Love,

Carol

Not so easy to post when there are other people in the house! But everyone is still sleeping so I'll see if i can get a short one in.

Prayer certainly does work and I think besides myself there are many others praying for me right now! Although in many ways, this visit has been very difficult, we did laugh and laugh hard last night--mostly at Dad's expense. We played Uno and for the life of him he couldn't figure out how to deal the cards dealing to the right instead of to the left! The first time he said it was because he was dealing with his left hand and the second time he insisted he couldn't be dealing in the wrong direction because this time he was dealing with his right hand! We all, including Dad, laughed so hard our stomach's hurt and tears were coming!

It's good, too, to have other people see Dad's foibles and to know that I'm not losing my mind! Dennis is so ambitious and even though he's not feeling that well, he can't sit still and is busy around the house all the time. Yesterday he scrubbed their bathroom and laundryroom's floors not to mention all the work he's doing outside. He's taken apart some skids to build roosts for the chickens and uprighted the blown down greenhouse which had been demolished by winds over a year ago! Yesterday he got Dad to begin digging holes to more permanently anchor it in the ground which, of course, should have been done the first time they built it.

The weather has been good but rain is in the forecast for much of next week so they're working outside while they can. We need the rain and although it would be nice if it didn't rain all the time, we could use a good soaker.

We've met the people across the street and he is a major in the Marine Corps and acts like it with stern discipline. A flight instructor--flies helicoptors--he will be going to Virginia for a yr. and then N. Caroline for 2 while his wife goes to the vet school here. Three horses are on the property now and likely at least one more will join them as she's looking for a room mate who will likely bring another horse to the land. She seems young and very nice and very pretty. He's not bad looking--can't guess his heritage but he is dark complected but with a last name of Scott. But don't see any Black or Mexican in him which I find interesting. Genetics have always been fascinating to me. In any case, we think they'll be good neighbors even if we won't see very much of them--they did appreciate the pot roast I sent over.

We toured the Blue Bell Ice Cream factory with Millie, Dennis and her mom. As always it was very interesting and they were very generous with servings of their product at the end of the tour. And it's true--their employees can eat all the ice cream they want and then they sell the rest!

It is so sad to see Millie's Mom and makes me feel try to learn some lessons from this. Although I don't remember her Mom ever being particularly healthy--she had polio when she was in her teens and has had several hip replacement surgeries. Today, at 93, she is almost totally incapacitated sitting in her wheelchair with her head down and her nose constantly dripping virtually completely helpless. If she thinks about it, she can wipe her nose, but most of the time Millie has to do it for her. She can feed herself some but mostly has to be fed and cannot go to the bathroom without help from both Millie and Dennis nor can she get up or lay down in bed without assistance. There is absolutely no muscle tone.

Interestingly, she can apparently hear pretty well but is virtually blind. She spends her limited time awake sitting in her wheelchair looking downward in a hunched over position. She can and does sleep as much as 80% of the time. Millie insists that she has a good quality of life but it's hard for me to see it. Of couse, what else is there to do? Although she herself may want to die, these decisions are not always left to us and how fortunate she is to have Millie and Dennis to make her life as comfortable as it is.

Made my meetings yesterday and renewed the support I needed for this time period. Tim was there--the young man who makes my heart sing every time I see he's still in recovery.

Gotta run!

Peace!
Carol

Bowled ok yesterday: 116, 115 and 139. Team took 2 out of 4--thought we were going to lose all 4 for a while. Good to be with group and share my situation with them. Afterwards ate at Fish Daddy's--always good.

Things are going ok at home. Good to talk to Megumi and to hear about the girls. Love them all so much!

Did manage to make some decisions about fabric and patterns for what I want to make the girls for Christmas and started cutting out pattern pcs.--prep is often half the job so maybe I can get that done while Millie and company are here. Millie immediately criticized some of my fabric choices for some of my projects. And I'm sure she doesn't even realize it.

Without trying to be unkind, her mother looks half-dead. Never looks up and has to be fed and taken to the bathroom. In a wheelchair and sleeps nearly 75-80% of the time or at least looks like it. Don't think Millie sees how bad it really is although she knows it's bad. It's like you're looking like a shell -- somewhere deep inside might be a remnant of a person but it's hard to believe that the person as a whole is enjoying herself. Sure hope that I never get to be that way and that if I do someone has the good sense to put me out of my misery.

Millie professed her love for me today and will hardly let me pass by her without giving me a bear hug. This is so hard for me when I don't feel the same and don't want to hurt her. No matter how I try to give her the message as gently as I can, she won't listen. Even when I try to be critical and point out things that she's doing, it goes over her head. Another week of this.

But I will walk this AM and we'll try to do something together today although how to do it with this situation is beyond me at this point.

So glad Jordan will be home today--I know his familly has missed him and can't wait to see him again!

Peace!

Carol

Not a lot to report. The house is cleaner than it's been in quite awhile. Always more to do but just a few finishing touches this morning before they get here will probably be good enough.

Good day yesterday. Temps dropped. 55 this AM. Had rain yesterday which we badly needed. Tried to walk but finally gave in to the drops. But got more done. Chuck came by and helped dad finish trimwork around the doors so the place looks even better. Millie and Dennis have asked for a list of things so maybe while they're here they can help dad put in the new medicine cabinets and build some drawers for the vanity. That will open up my bathroom even more. Of course, we never have gotten around to the blackberries--at least not all of them--they need weeding and trimming out. ARound here, there's always something to do! Oh! And some lavender plants came in so I guess it's time to plant those now.

Maybe there'll be more to talk about tomorrow. Gotta get ready for my walk now!

Peace!

Carol

Small weight loss last week--.8#--still, overall, 6# since I started a new lifestyle on 10/14. What's particularly significant to me is that last week I didn't try that hard. Or maybe it's just getting easier? At least I'm no longer binging on whole chocolate bars or whatever else is handy. Even at Olive Garden I really filled up on their wonderful salad and couldn't finish my meal--let dad have some of my steak and the dogs got the rest of the pasta! Came home and later had some pecans, cheese and yogurt--I think the yogurt helps me sleep.

Did some deep cleaning yesterday which wouldn't happen except for Millie's upcoming visit. Feels good to have the house looking better. It will never be all done but at least a layer or two is lifted. Cleaned all the lights in the eating area and got after spiders in the windows. Today will be kitchen work and getting their beds completely made up. Hopefully I'll be able to get some work done in my room--saving the best for last!

Went down to 58 last night. Supposed to be 85 today but a high of 65 tomorrow! We need rain. Walked the pasture last night and realize we have to start being more regular about getting out more hay on a daily basis. Maybe Dennis will appreciate helping Robert picking up another round bale while he's here. It's quite the process and Robert can always use help.

Talked to Millie yesterday and they seem to be traveling well. Were near Ft. Worth yesterday where they will spend the night and bury her aunt's ashes before going on to New Braunsfels. They'll head for here Wednesday after exploring that area. The 2-1/2 extra days will make a big difference on how I feel about their visit and how ready I'll be. And then knowing they won't be able to stay quite as long. She says she wants to watch me bowl--that will be something! I bowled so lousy last time! Oh well! We'll play it by ear.

Gotta get ready to walk!

Peace!

Carol

Not much new to report. Hard to believe it's Central Standard Time but got up at our "regular" time.

All the doors are in including the new, wider, bathroom door in our bedroom. Now we do have holes in the floor where the old, smaller door had been. that will have to be dealt with but something that can wait until next year. Not sure what we'll do--cover it with carpet (where do we get the carpet?) or new flooring for the bathroom.

Speaking of flooring--we weren't real thrilled with the Pergo we put in on Cedar Lane. Of course, that was some time ago--more than 10 yrs. Maybe they've improved it. It scratch. Something to think about is that it does up the noise level especially if you're replacing carpet. Carpet does keep the noise level down. But it would be attractive in a living room.

Thought we'd go to something like that when we moved in here but am having second thoughts now. Not sure what I'd go with. A trip to Home Depot or Lowes might bring some ideas. Tile and wood flooring are also cooler on your feel but some times that can be overcome with area rugs. Tough call. At this point, cheap carpet might still be the best bet.

No word from Millie so hope they got off to a good start. Will give them a call later today to see how far they've come. Still going into some fits of despair regarding her visit and her critical eye. Can hear some of her stubborness and criticism of my less-than-perfect lifestyle and it will set me off.

Made the pot roast yesterday. Still want to make spaghetti sauce and freeze that. Lots of clean-up today--dusting, taking care of spider webs (lots of those). Got the covering on the futon washed yesterday and actually put it back on myself.

Good meetings yesterday. Aggies lost--badly! Think the coach will be looking for a new job next year!

Beautiful weather here! Dry and cool at night and warm during the day. Perfect. I do believe, despite the heat, we do have more good weather overall than up north. And the sun definitely shines more. We haven't had to have the heat or a/c on now for over a month! That's a savings too. And our tax bill came and it's less than $2,000 which is a third of what it was up north! And we have three times the land!

Not much else today--sorry it's so boring. Maybe something interesting will happen today.

Peace!
Carol

Making Progress

Yesterday I was able to clean up the guest room. It had become an extra closet and things were being tossed in there when we were too lazy to make a decision to put them where they belong. So many boxes! We save boxes because it seems we're always shipping out something to someone and Christmas is coming so that means more shipping! Was able to limit the number and broke down enough to warrant a trip to the recycling center.

Changed the linens on the bed and did some major dusting. The window is terrible and the view into the former cat room now turned storage room is awful!

Most of the hardware is on the doors thanks to dad. Chuck is coming this AM to install the remaining closet door. We'll wait for the final bathroom door until later. Maybe Dennis will want to help with that or we can have it done after they leave.

Took ourselves our for lunch/dinner at Ozona's and then did some shopping stopping by the mall to see if my glasses could be improved. They can't--permanently scratched. BUT they're having a sale and I can get a completely new upgraded quality lenses for $179--which is quite a deal considering I have no-line tri-focals. And the frame will be smaller which I like. Goes nicely with my new hair which I also like.

New neighbors are moving in. The dogs have noticed! We want to make up a card with our pictures to welcome them and maybe make them a meal. They have a big camper on the property--Franklin "The Mayor" will not be pleased! Wonder how long it will take him to make his presence known! The trains seemed particularly loud last night and since they're closer to them than we are wonder what they thought of that!

Jeff and Ben come for breakfast this AM and then the meetings. Will stop to do some shopping and then home to see if we can get curtains up on the French doors and continue cleaning. Tomorrow will try to do all the main cleaning to be ready. The rest of the time will continue cooking and work on my room. Rain is in the forecast which we need but hope that doesn't interfere with their trip.

The festival they're going to is some sort of weinerwurst festival--guess it goes on for a while. It would be nice to attend some time but not now. Maybe we can allow a day to take them into Galveston. So much to do between now and Christmas. Began Christmas shopping yesterday and found some things for the Unity Conference gifts I'm collecting for in February.

Overall a good day and we're both feeling better from our colds.

Gotta run!

Peace!

Carol

Two headed calves?--not really--just two calves from two seperate mothers lying side by side and end to end across the street from our house--as curious about what I was doing in taking their picture as I was about them!

Bowled awful yesterday but guess I'm getting some sort of award for my 189 game a few weeks ago. Team lost all 4 games but only two of us made it in to bowl. Don't know where Frances was but know Mary was attending a funeral.

A reprieve! I was able to divert Millie and company to a festival in New Braunsfels before they make their way here and encouraged them to check out the area including San Antonio. That puts their visit back until next Wednesday. which means they shouldn't be here much more than a week. What a relief! This will be much more tolerable and I think I can handle it better.

Still have some remnants of the cold and so does dad but we're both doing better. Linda won't be able to walk today but we'll do a shortened version with the dogs--they love it so. Will try to get in another round of "ping pong puppy" today with Chloe. Dad let them lose in the neighborhood yesterday--knowing I wasn't around to disapprove--and they came back happy and dirty! Chloe wouldn't go outside this morning until she said hello to Dad. She really is sweet if not overly energetic.

Went to Charles and Sue's--the beauty school--and got a perm. The main problem is that it does take longer because the student has to check with the instructor as she completes each process. But I am pleased with the results and especially the bill--$22.50 as oposed to $70! The $5 tip I handed the girl was well worth it! I will go back!

Plan to work on clearing/cleaning the guest room. One thing nice about having company is that the house gets cleaned up! Dad's still putting hardware on doors and two doors still need to be hung. One will get hung tomorrow and the other may have to wait awhile.

Wondering how Jordan's house guest is liking America and especially Halloween?!

Peace!
Carol

Spooky Sight

What a Spooky Sight in front of one of our new doors!

Thanks! Jordan and Megumi, for the pics of the girls. Hope they had fun in their costumes! There sure was a spooky figure sitting next to them on the porch! Weren't the girls scared of him? Wonder how many trick or treaters had enough courage to approach him?!

Wonder what your visitor thought of Halloween?

Six of the eight new doors are in! And what an amazing difference it makes in the hallway! Really brightens it up and even though I eventually intend to paint the woodwork to match, the contrast with the stained woodwork makes me think twice about it! We'll see.

Two more doors to go and the project is finished. It may be that when Dennis gets here he'll be able to help with that too. There's always something to do around here!

FYI--the blouses on the girls' costumes were meant to be tucked in but they look cute as they are!

Bowling today and then my hair! And then to get busy and try to straighten up this mess. Hardly know where to start! But probably should make the guest room a priority. Don't know when I'll get home today--want to do some shopping as well so once I leave at 8:15 it will be very busy.

Played ping-pong puppy with Chloe last night but she's pretty smart. She quickly figured out that all she had to do was run back and forth between Dad and me and she'd get a treat so she didn't wait to be called. The same way with the frisbee--she's pretty good at getting and returning it but soon realized that Jake was bigger and faster so she'd let him get it and bring it close--then grabbed it away from him to bring it to us!

We need to capture that intelligence!

Those patches that Megumi left here are magic! Once I took it off yesterday I barely noticed any pain! Might put one on just for insurance today. Cold is better too. Think Dad's has improved but he woke up with a pretty gravily voice this AM. He's got a lot of hardware to put in the doors!

Gotta run and get ready!

Peace!

Carol